setting boundaries
Healthy Habits

How To Set Boundaries Others Will ACTUALLY Listen To

October 18, 2020

Ryann Nicole

Hi, I’m Ryann.

Your Not-So-Average Food Freedom Therapist & Virtual Coach. As a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Nutritionist with a BA in Psychology, and a MA in Professional Counseling, yes I do a little of the "so how does that make you feel".

But my ultimate goal is to provide you with the resources you need, in an easy-to-understand way, on healing your disordered relationship with food and your body. 

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Binge Eating

Healthy Habits

Body Image

Emotional Eating

Mental Health 

10 Signs Of Boundary Issues 

  • you feel like you are constantly being taken advantage of
  • you don’t stand up for yourself when you are treated unfairly
  • you give too much of your free time away
  • you feel guilty taking time for yourself
  • you find yourself way more invested in the relationship than others
  • you feel a constant need to ‘save' or ‘fix' others
  • you struggle with saying ‘no’
  • you constantly feel like a victim in situations
  • you engage in passive-aggressive behaviors without realizing it 
  • you attract people who control or dominate you

If this is you, and you struggle with how to set boundaries, do not worry, and do not judge yourself! It is not too late to change. You can begin to start setting boundaries TODAY. Below are 4 steps to follow when setting a boundary with someone.

01 Define your need

What boundaries do you need to put in place, and with who? How is this boundary going to help you get your needs met? You must know exactly what you need so that you can be specific. Often, when we do not know what we need, it causes us to set unclear boundaries, which are just as ineffective as not setting boundaries.

02 Lay it on the table 

Once you define your boundary, you must communicate these boundaries to the person. This is probably the hardest part about setting a boundary. It feels confrontational, but it does not have to be. Remind yourself that setting a boundary does not make you a bad person, a mean person, or a needy person. Setting a boundary is taking care of yourself so that others no longer treat you in a way you do not want to be treated.

03 Hold your ground

If you have never set a boundary with someone, odds are you probably will not be taken seriously the first time you set a boundary. This is especially true if you are setting a boundary with someone dominating. Act confident, and do not budge. Remind yourself why this boundary is important and necessary.

04 Set consequences 

Yes, the consequences are necessary. If there are no consequences, then this person has no reason to abide by your boundary. What happens if this person breaks the boundary? They must know, and it must be worse than the person holding the boundary.

Examples of healthy boundaries 

  • I appreciate your support, but I’m not looking for advice right now 
  • I'm not okay what you making jokes about my body; if you continue, I will leave
  • I'm not okay with you posting pictures of me without my permission 
  • I value your option, but I will make this decision on my own 
  • If you raise your vote, this conversation will come to an end 
  • I need you to stop making comments about my eight 
  • If you continue to make comments about my weight, I will no longer spend time with you 
  • I will take care of that when I am scheduled to be at work 
  • I appreciate your concern, but I am not ready to talk about it 
  • You can disagree with me, and I still expect you to treat me with respect 

Boundaries are extremely important for taking care of yourself. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you are not okay with how you are currently being treated, it is time to set some boundaries!

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