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📲 Instagram: @shamelesslyshelly

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🖥 Youtube: Shamelessly Shelly

🖥 Website: Shelly’s Surviving and Thriving Online Course

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Episode Transcript

Ryann

Thank you so much for coming on today. Welcome to the Food Freedom Lab. So excited to pick your brain from your own personal journey. I would love to hear more about your side of being a past client of mine. And then now, like, having this whole platform where you have, like, completely changed the game and you’re, like, rocking this confident version of you. And I just love it. So thank you for taking the time today. Super appreciate it.

Shelly

Of course. Yeah. Thanks so much for having me. I was really excited when you reached out.

Ryann

Yay. So before we dive in, I would love to just like do a few icebreaker questions so everybody can get to know you a little bit more. So first I would love to know in three words, how would you describe who you are?

Shelly

Well, that’s a good question. Um, I Would say empathetic Genuine and Creative

Ryann

Okay, crunchy or smooth peanut butter

Shelly

Whoo, I like man. I like both. I probably probably smooth.

Ryann

Yeah.

Shelly

I love peanut butter.

Ryann

What do you love to put it on?

Shelly

Oh, um, I love like apples and peanut butter and that was a classic.

Ryann

Yeah.

Shelly

That’s a, I feel like sometimes I’ll just be, yeah. Craving a little snack. And I’m like, okay, apples.

Ryann

That’s a good one.

Shelly

Um, I kinda, I like it on like toast, like just sometimes in the morning just like almost like a PB&J, but just like toast with peanut butter and jelly or butter or something.

Ryann

Yeah. I love that. I love that. And how many alarms do you snooze before you wake up in the morning?

Shelly

Oh, quite a few. I’m like a really heavy sleeper, so sometimes I’m like, okay, I have to set a lot to make sure I actually wake up, and sometimes I’ve definitely like woken up before and not even remembered waking up and like, you know, and then I wake up later and I’m like, wait, when did I turn off that alarm?

Ryann

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shelly

Yeah. I probably snooze a couple in the morning. Yeah.

Ryann

So good. So to dive in a little bit more about you for anybody who doesn’t know you yet, because because we’re going to be filtering everybody over to your page. I would love to know just what your story is, your story before working with me, your story now, like tell us a little bit more about like when the food stuff started for you, when the body image stuff started for you and then kind of where you’re at now.

Shelly

Yeah, definitely. So I would say, uh, growing up, my mom was always a very into like healthy food, so like all organic, all that kind of stuff. So I feel like I grew up with a pretty good understanding of like nutrition and just kind of always had these messages in my head of like, you have to eat healthy or you have, you know, you shouldn’t eat junk food or you should, you know, kind of, so I would say like from a pretty young age, some of those messages started coming in around, you know, like a lot of what you talk about around like letting all food fit and stuff like that. I think I kind of didn’t understand that from a young age and was always kind of like, Oh, you shouldn’t eat, you know, a lot of processed food or you shouldn’t eat like certain types of food.

So, or yeah, you shouldn’t eat too much sugar. Like that was a big one. But, and then when I got into college, I, so I guess, yeah, through high school and into college, I actually. Let’s say I had a pretty good relationship with my body and with, I don’t remember having that many insecurities around my body or, and I never really had too many issues with like dieting or I don’t remember binging, um, up until college. So I would say in college was kind of when a lot of those issues started. And I think when I’m reflecting on it, I’m like, okay, I think it maybe was because I had kind of a lot of restriction just based around like health, trying to eat healthy quote unquote in my childhood.

So yeah, when I got to college, I was like, oh, I have this freedom to choose my own food and to kind of, you know, buy my own groceries and all that kind of stuff. So I kind of started like, getting, yeah, just getting really excited of like, oh, I can eat dessert every day if I want to, or like, I can, you know, buy all these chips and things that I think are yummy and just eat whatever I want, kind of. Yeah, so I remember kind of starting to get a little bit confused of like, okay, what types of food should I be eating? Or is it okay that I’m eating this kind of food? Because I was still kind of having like my mom’s voice in my head of like, Oh, I shouldn’t be eating this. And, you know, and then I would say like the binging probably started my junior year of college. Um, I was studying abroad actually. And yeah, I studied abroad in Spain and, you know, in Spain they have, yeah, it was all really delicious food. And I lived with a host mom and she would cook all of our meals for us.

So she would cook us these like really big, really delicious meals. And I just remember I would like eat, you know, all of my dinner and it was just, you know, a big meal. So I’d be feeling kind of pretty full or like at least satisfied or whatever. And then I would kind of like go into my room and eat these snacks that I had like hidden in there. And yeah, so I think as I’ve reflected on it through the years, I think I realized that that kind of stemmed from some sexual trauma that I went through and something happened that semester. And so I think that was at least partially what kind of caused me to start binging just out of like, yeah, I wanted something to comfort myself and it was kind of the emotional eating part of it. So yeah, and then kind of from there, it just was, I kind of had issues with binging on and off over the years. Like there would be periods where it would get a lot better and then yeah. So that was the study abroad was back in 2014. So that was a while ago now.

So it was kind of when I started working with you, it was, yeah, I guess it had been like seven years where I’d kind of been struggling with it on and off, like I said, and like, sometimes I’d be like, oh, it’s getting better. And then, but yeah, I think it was great when I found you, I was like, okay, I think I’m really ready to actually try to start working on this. I had never really focused on it much in therapy before I’d focused on like other things kind of more so it was good to just really like yeah, go through a program that was focused on that specifically.

Ryann

So amazing. And I so appreciate you sharing all of that. And I would love to know just for anybody who is listening that is kind of like in that battle right now, like, when did you realize for you that it was time to do something different and maybe reach out for help? Like what was your like throw in the towel moment?

Shelly

I think that that moment for me was, I was on a vacation with my mom and my sister and we had taken a bunch of photos and we were like, it was a road trip. We were like driving back in the car looking through some of the photos we’d taken and I just kind of started to have this like a lot of anxiety and a lot of, I was just being really negative about myself and I was like I don’t like any of these photos I look terrible and all these like I was just kind of having a really I don’t know getting really upset looking at the photos.

My mom and my sister were both you know being really supportive and they’re like we think you look great we think you know and and then it was kind of like after that I think it was maybe the next day my mom actually called me and she was like hey I just wanted to you know talk about like she was just trying to be supportive and was kind of wanting to talk about what had happened and she was like you just you don’t seem um happy with you know with like she’s like I think you look great you know like she’s very you know nice about it she’s like I think you look great but you don’t you don’t seem happy with the way you look and and you don’t really seem happy with like um just yeah things around my how my body looks but also just how I was feeling I think she could tell that I just didn’t seem happy in general. And so, yeah, so it was interesting.

I think something about like having people that are close to me notice that about me made me realize like, okay, this, I think before it had kind of been like, I think I knew deep down that there was a problem, but I was like, oh, it’s fine. I’ll just, you know, I’ll deal with it. Or I kind of thought that like, maybe I would magically just wake up one day and it would be, it would be cured or something. And having my mom, yeah, I was like, oh, it’ll, I don’t know, I’m sure a lot of people go through that, I was like, oh, I’m sure it’ll just go away somehow on its own, even though it hadn’t for seven years.

But yeah, so I think something about having someone else and someone close to me, like, bring it up to me, and at first I felt embarrassed, like, oh no, someone else notices that I’m not happy or something, but then it was like, okay, if it’s noticeable to someone like my mom, then I should probably actually work on it. So yeah. And I think I just kind of stumbled upon one of your TikToks or Instagrams or something, and I was like, Oh wow, this seems like exactly what I’m looking for. So yeah, it was good timing.

Ryann

Yeah. So before we dive into some of the sex stuff and talking about that in relation to body image, um, where are you at now with food and body?

Shelly

Yeah. I’m, I feel like I’m at a pretty good place. I actually like moved to New York City right, pretty much right after I went through your course. So there was like a month or two where I think I was kind of adjusting to living in a new place. And I did kind of still feel myself having a lot of like, not so much of like the binging, but just like a lot of emotional eating and just trying to figure out like, you know, kind of like what we worked on of like, what emotions am I having, or kind of why am I feeling like I want to turn to food? And I think it was just, yeah, for me, I kind of, when I go through a big change, sometimes that’s hard for me.

So I think just moving to a new city and kind of having to try to meet new people and stuff. But yeah, so I moved there about, or I moved here about four months ago. So I would say like, maybe the first month or two, I was still struggling a little bit, but yeah, right now I feel good. I feel like I’m, like, I finally kind of worked through a lot of, yeah, my feelings around like, being in a larger body than I was, you know, 10 years ago and like, just kind of worked, like I feel like when I see photos of myself, for example, like I said earlier about, I used to kind of freak out about seeing photos and I feel like now I’ve been, like lately I’ve been much more like, oh wow, I look really good and like feeling better in different clothes that I’m wearing and stuff like that.

Ryann

I love that. Yeah. Yay, it makes me so happy to hear. So I would love to take things back a little bit and after the sexual trauma that you went through, just to kind of normalize like some of the thoughts that you had after that, like what did that do to your body image?

Shelly

Yeah, I think it’s interesting. I think in the moment, I don’t think I realized how much it affected it, but I think it really did because, yeah, like I said, I think in high school and early college, I don’t remember having really any issues with my body or very little issues with my body image. And then I can kind of pinpoint it of like, oh, I think one of the issues started was after being sexually assaulted in college. And I think, yeah, I think like, I feel like it kind of, yeah, it definitely made me view my body differently. It made me feel a little bit like, I think I just didn’t feel as comfortable in my body. I felt like this thing had like happened to my body. And now I was like, I just didn’t, I don’t know. It like felt like suddenly my body didn’t feel like my own or something, or it felt.

And so I think part of the binging was like, kind of, I don’t know, like one thing I noticed was I think as I started to gain a little bit of weight from binging, I felt like, oh, my body looks and feels different now. And like, there was almost some comfort in that, I think, of like, oh, my body, yeah, looks and feels different than it did when I was sexually assaulted. So that almost felt good to me in a way. But yeah, I do remember kind of after that happened, suddenly having a lot of like, just feeling a lot more insecure about my body, feeling like um I didn’t like the way it looked as much or feeling like I definitely noticed I wanted to like cover up more too like just wearing much more like like not really wanting to show off my body as much like kind of just wearing baggier clothes or wearing clothes that like weren’t as revealing or things like that definitely started I would say after that happened yeah.

Ryann

And then how did from there Shamelessly Shelly start? Where you kind of like flipped it and started to share your story, get super vulnerable, and create the platform that you have right now?

Shelly

Yeah it’s funny yeah whenever people kind of ask me like how did that start? It does seem kind of crazy that I even got to this point sometimes. I’m like I used to be very yeah like in in college and early my early 20s, I was very, like, closed off around all that kind of talk. So I guess I just had to do a lot of work to get to this place. But, but yeah, I guess I, ever since like high school, I always loved like storytelling. I had a blog for a while. So I really liked writing and like sharing my thoughts on things. And then I kind of transferred that to Instagram. And then, yeah, in 2020, during the pandemic, I kind of hopped on TikTok when a lot of people hopped on TikTok.

And just that was kind of, I would say, when like ShamelesslyShelly was born, because I don’t even remember how it started. I think I made one or two videos that were kind of talking about something around sex or intimacy. And then I was like, oh, people seem to like this. So I kind of went with it. But yeah, I think I, I don’t know, I remember around that time I was talking to my therapist about, I was like, I feel like people don’t really know me very well. Like people in my life, like my friends and people in my life but also just people that would meet me, I felt, I, for some reason felt really bothered by like, I was like, I feel like people think that I’m, I don’t know.

Like I felt like people got the wrong impression of me, not necessarily a bad impression, but just like, that I was like, just really quiet and sweet. And like, I’m like, okay, I have that side, but I also have these other, like these topics that I really love talking.

Ryann

Yeah

Shelly

You know, and so I think I almost like the Tiktok and the whole an Instagram and the whole shamelessly Shelly thing was like, okay, I want to kind of start being more myself and be more vulnerable online. And like, it was kind of a way for me to try to, I guess, get people to get to know me better in a way.

Ryann

Yeah. And as you’ve started sharing content like that, I’m really curious to know, what have you learned about just people’s relationships with their bodies in relation to sex just based on the comments that you’ve received and just kind of the feedback that you’ve received from some of your videos that maybe you didn’t think about before?

Shelly

Yeah, that’s a good question. Yeah, I feel like I definitely have had, it’s interesting, yeah, when you start getting comments, I’ve had people, mostly women, reach out to me, send me messages, and ask me for advice, asking questions about different things. So, yeah, it is interesting to kind of see what people are talking about. But, yeah, it’s interesting. I think that, I feel like one of the main things that I notice is just that around sex, it seems like, at least for like heterosexual people, it seems like men’s bodies or men’s pleasure is like more, it’s still more of the kind of focus a lot of the time.

So it’s a lot of, a lot of times women will be asking me questions around like, well how do I, you know, make him enjoy it more? How do you know? And then it’s like, oh what about you? And what, you know, what about what you’re experiencing?

Ryann

So interesting, yeah. Yeah.

Shelly

But yeah, and I definitely see a lot of, yeah, mostly women who just, yeah, talk about feeling like they, nervous or uncomfortable or like insecure with their body while they’re having sex or just in their relationship in general, kind of feeling like, and I think, I don’t know, I’ve noticed, I think a lot of it is like, people who maybe are on Instagram a lot or on social media kind of looking at obviously a lot of times these like filtered, you know, pictures of other celebrities or whoever and thinking like, oh, that’s what I’m supposed to look like. And then they start feeling like, well, what if that’s what, you know, he’s like expecting me to look like or what he wants me to look like or something. So yeah, it’s a lot of like, I guess, worrying about what their partner might be thinking of them or might, you know, which is, yeah, it’s interesting. Kind of like the focusing on other people’s, I guess, or the other person’s like judgments of you, even if they haven’t said anything or anything, but yeah.

Ryann

Totally. Totally. And I think that relating that back to body image, it’s like there’s this pressure when you struggle with your body to change your body, to fit the relationship, instead of finding that relationship that appreciates and respects your body. And so I think going off of that, like I would love to know for you personally, because you talk a lot about like sex boundaries and being really transparent with your partner. Like, what did you realize or notice as you started to be a lot more transparent with your partners to getting to the relationship that you have today that is so, well, what I see, so healthy and happy and everything that you have talked about that you’ve been looking for?

Shelly

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I think, yeah, I feel like boundaries is a really important one. And just, I feel like in the past, I would kind of avoid talking about my body image issues or avoid talking about my sexual trauma and things like that when I was in relationships and then obviously those things would would affect the relationship because I would maybe get triggered or I would be again something like taking a photo together and then I would be like oh I don’t like the photo don’t post it or you know things like that would come up and it was like okay it would have been better for me to just be honest probably from the beginning about certain things I was struggling with.

So that’s one thing I noticed was just like with kind of the progression of my relationships over the years, it was like, and you know, there’s just a big difference between like some of my relationships a few years ago and then my current relationship, I was just like very honest and vulnerable with him from the beginning and just kind of, and it was interesting too because he had actually kind of seen a lot of my, he had like followed my Instagram and stuff. So he kind of seen stuff that I had talked about before we even started dating But I think when we started dating I was very like open about okay I I do still sometimes struggle with with like loving my body and and

Yeah, that’s interesting is exactly what you said a minute ago of like I found someone that like like he really You know loves my body and like is very always complimenting me and just like he makes me feel like, okay, your body’s like, he’s like, I think your body is perfect the way it is. And so that’s been kind of interesting where I’m like, okay, look, even if my body stayed the exact same as it is now for the rest of my life, he’s, you know, totally happy with that. So I should be totally happy. But then at the same time, he’s like, you know, but if, you know, if you decided you wanted to lose weight or if you did lose weight or if you gained weight or whatever, he was like, he’s like, I would be, I would still be.

Ryann

It doesn’t matter.

Shelly

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and so it’s like, yeah, that’s an interesting where it’s like, oh, okay, if, like, yeah, like what I was saying with, you know, I get all these comments from people worrying about what the other person thinks and it’s like, oh, once you find a partner who actually just loves you for who you are and it’s like, they really don’t care, you know, not that they don’t care, but they’re like, it’s not like your body is the most important, like, yeah, you say that a lot, like your body is not the most interesting or important thing about you. So yeah, so that’s been really like, actually really healing for me, I think, to be like with a partner who’s like, just so supportive and understanding of some of the struggles that I go through, but also just like, reminding me that, that he’s not over there, like, judging every inch of my body or something like he’s like, Oh, you, you look great all the time. I’m like, okay, I should start, you know, thinking that about myself too.

Ryann

Ah. Yeah. And I so appreciate you saying that because I think that if you’ve never been in a healthy relationship like that, and I know that I was in so many unhealthy relationships, so I thought that it was just like normal to be very insecure about my body and to be like very hyper-focused on my body and to make sure that like I always looked great and all of these things. And then I realized when I was with somebody that actually didn’t give any shits about my body, like I didn’t either. And so it was like this completely different energy when I was with somebody different and I didn’t even realize that that could happen just with being in a secure relationship.

Shelly

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, it was like, it’s interesting with when you tie it into sex too, like, um, yeah, kind of like what you’re saying where I’m like, oh, when, when I started dating my, my current boyfriend, like I just noticed like, oh, I’m not thinking, I’m not in my head as much about what my body looks like during sex as I was in the past. I’m not like, like I just, it’s just been a really, I don’t know. I had like this light bulb moment. I was like, oh wow. I’m like, I’m not like while we’re having sex. I’m not like Critiquing my body like I used to I’m not like kind of worrying like oh no Like, you know, is this a bad angle or is this like, you know, like different things like that I’m just like, oh, I’m actually just enjoying it in the moment and like yeah I think that just comes from yeah, like you said to just being in a healthy relationship and and yeah being with someone who’s not even focusing on like what your body looks like, you know. But yeah, that’s been a really good experience for me too, where I’m like, okay, I think I’m definitely growing in that area of, you know, not hyper focusing on what my body looks like quite as much as I used to.

Ryann

Yeah. For someone who is in a relationship right now, whether it’s healthy or unhealthy, wherever it is, and they’re struggling with maybe the thoughts or feeling comfortable around sex, just like being so hyper-focused on maybe what their partner is thinking. Do you have any tips to kind of just create a more comfortable experience around sex?

Shelly

Yeah, I feel like in general, I’ve found just talking about it more really helps. So like, I don’t know, like in my current relationship, there have been things where I’m like, okay, I’m just gonna bring this up and talk about it and then after we talk about it I feel so much better, you know, and so I think yeah for people like that who are maybe Still struggling around in those areas around sex. I think just even just the process of just being like hey I just wanted to let you know like this is these are some thoughts I’ve been having or like these are some things I struggle With you know, obviously doesn’t necessarily like magically fix it

But I think just sometimes just talking about it can make you feel less ashamed of it almost or something. So that’s like a big one that I found is just, I’m like, okay, that’s like, I mean, obviously that’s why like, the real thing. Yeah, like just, yeah, just talk about it. Not like, it’s not as big of a deal. I think that’s what I found too. It’s like, it feels like a big deal. And then it’s like, once you just talk about it, you’re like, okay, that’s actually, it’s fine. Everything’s good. So yeah, I would say that’s a big one. And then just like, I don’t know, I’ve had to do a lot of work around just trying to be in the moment more, and more mindfulness, I guess.

So yeah, you talk about that a lot with eating, like eating mindfully, or just being more in the moment when you’re eating, instead of just eating and not really, being distracted or not really thinking about what you’re eating. I feel like it’s kind of the same with relationships and intimacy and sex, where it’s like, if you’re really more in the moment, whether it’s you’re having a conversation about something or like you know sexual situations or something like I don’t know I just found that helps me a lot to really like focus on okay what’s actually happening right now or what am I feeling right now, what are we doing right now and then it’s like then that kind of helps to not be thinking so much about like yeah like like focusing more on what you’re experiencing or what you’re feeling in that moment instead of like oh what does my body look like right now? Or like, oh, I don’t know. Is this relationship going to last or not? Or like, you know, different things that kind of take you out of the moment.

Ryann

What am I having to eat after this?

Shelly

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Ryann

I so, I so appreciate that. And I think that like the first point that you made about talking about it, although it’s so uncomfortable at first, and I think that’s because we absolutely catastrophize, right, where like, if I make this comment that I like that, or I didn’t like that, oh my gosh, are they going to judge me or whatever? It’s like we spiral into this craziness in our heads. And then we realize that once we bring it up, it’s like, whoa, like, they didn’t really care, or they took it into account. And now they do it all the time. And that’s awesome.

Shelly

Yeah.

Ryann

And so going off of that conversation about talking about it more, I would love to hear your thoughts about in the beginning of a relationship when you’re just starting to date someone like being able to have that conversation about setting those boundaries of I’m Not comfortable having sex this early on or maybe like I want to wait until this time like any tips on beginning dating and like setting that boundary of just like We’re waiting until I’m comfortable.

Shelly

Yeah, totally. Yeah, that’s definitely something I had to work through a lot because I think, especially for me or for anyone who is a sexual assault survivor, it’s like, yeah, the boundaries are really important and it feels, can feel really empowering to be like, okay, I’m setting these boundaries early on in a relationship and specifically around sex and around, or any kind of physical touch or anything like that. But yeah, I would say it’s kind of similar to what I was just talking about. I think it feels scarier than it actually is. So I think just once you just talk about it, it’s fine. But yeah, I would definitely say it is really important to set boundaries early on and just, I think just, yeah, having good communication around it.

Like I think where there could be issues as if you’re just like, I don’t wanna have sex yet or something, and don’t really, I mean, you don’t necessarily owe anyone an explanation, you don’t have to explain it, but I think it helps. Yeah, I think it helps a little bit to be like, hey, here’s my boundary, and then maybe expand a little bit on why, like I just, I think something that I would say a lot was just like, I just really like to, I just really wanna get to know you better. I like getting to know someone and feeling really comfortable with them before we add that physical element to it. You know, kind of just saying something to let the other person know, like, you know, I am attracted to you. I am wanting to have sex with you. It’s just I need to set this boundary so that I can feel comfortable and then it will actually make sex better, you know, if we wait until I’m really feeling ready for that.

But yeah, I do think a lot of people, and myself included, when I was younger, I would worry about, oh, is he going to, you know, not want to wait around for me, or is he going to like, you know, be offended that I don’t want to yet, or is he, or like, I almost felt like, oh, having sex is like a way to keep this person, you know, to make this person want to stay with me, which is obviously a toxic way to think about it. But yeah, I think I found a lot of just empowerment from being like, no, this is my boundary. I want to wait X amount of weeks or months or whatever your timeline is. And then it actually, yeah, it does make sex better, I think, when you’ve set that boundary and they respect it and then you’re like, okay, now I know I’m fully like ready and wanting this to happen.

But yeah, I think just, yeah, kind of just, just get over that initial like fear of having, setting the boundary and having the conversation, so it does feel awkward or scary at first, but then, yeah, again, once you start talking about it, it’s like, okay, it’s fine now, most of the time, as long as they’re respectful. And then if they’re not, then that’s also a good way to be like, okay, that’s a red flag, I don’t, you know, if they’re not respectful of your boundaries and you don’t want to date someone like that anyway. So yeah.

Ryann

Of course. I think that that’s such a good way to like, right off the bat in the beginning. Like, I think it’s hard to get to a place where it’s like, you’re willing to see those red flags. But once you’re willing to see them, it’s like, okay, thank God you showed me that. Thank God you reacted that way because guess what? Now I don’t have to waste my time anymore and I can go find somebody who is worth my time or who will respond in a way that I should be respected.

Shelly

Yeah. Yeah. 100%.

Ryann

So I would love to know, last question for anyone who is kind of in this boat, uh, I feel like I need to lose weight to get the perfect relationship, to get the healthy relationship, to get the partner. What tips would you have to kind of bring it back to reality to someone who truly believes that they need to lose weight to find a healthy relationship?

Shelly

Yeah, that’s a great question. I actually feel like I totally experienced that of like, I think, yeah, when I first started working with you, I was like, and I’m sure a lot of people are like this, like one of my main goals was like, I need to lose, I felt like I needed to lose weight or I wanted to lose weight. I think, yeah, a big part of that was like me feeling like, yeah, it was almost like for some reason I had in my head like, okay, once I lose X amount of pounds, whatever my goal is, then like, then I’m gonna find the perfect partner and be in a relationship. And yeah, it was interesting for me. I actually like didn’t end up losing any weight. But now I’m like, I feel better, you know, about my body. I feel, you know, everything I talked about earlier. But I didn’t even lose any weight yet, at least. And and I met my boyfriend and like, I don’t know.

So it had been it was like a good lesson of like, OK, that actually is not that shouldn’t have been my focus of like, I need to lose weight in order to find a partner because I actually ended up finding someone who like just loves my body just as it is right now. And you know, like I said earlier, it’s like, okay, whether I lose or gain weight or whatever happens with my body, like he’s still gonna love me no matter what. So yeah, I guess I would just say to people who kind of have those thoughts, just, I guess, yeah, I guess what I had to do was like work on reminding myself that I deserve love and that I deserve to find someone and it’s the focus shouldn’t be on like what my body looks like and that like Obviously everyone and I know that’s like easier said than done It’s like just kind of reminding yourself of like, okay.

I am worthy of love what my body looks like doesn’t Or shouldn’t have any really it shouldn’t stop. It won’t stop me from finding love, you know? And like, yeah, I think you talk about that a lot too. Like, it’s not like if you lose weight suddenly, you’re going to, all your insecurities are gonna go away, or you’re gonna, you know, so I think just, yeah, focusing on, I guess my other advice for that too is like, I started focusing more on like what qualities I was looking for in a partner and like yeah it’s just like what I would what I was wanting to find and kind of focusing more on what I wanted the other person to be like instead of focusing on myself and like oh but I need to lose weight or I need to you know um so yeah I would just say like trying to remind yourself that you’re worthy of love and no matter what you know your body looks like and then just focusing on like what do I want my partner, my ideal partner to be like, and kind of trying to put that out into the universe, like attract your ideal partner instead of focusing so much on like, your body, I guess.

Ryann

Yeah, I super appreciate that. Those are awesome. And it’s one of those things, I think, where it just, it just comes back to being you, where it’s like, what do you want to attract from your partner. If it’s all about body it’s always going to be about body so if you’re trying to move away from that moving away from that now actually benefits you long term because it’s like you’re able to be who you are and find someone who appreciates you for who you are and you know it’s been really cool to watch that happen for you literally firsthand and to see you so happy in this relationship right now and just being fully you and the body that you have and having overcome so much and I mean it’s really inspiring.

Shelly

Oh thank you I really appreciate that.

Ryann

Yeah any final words of advice, wisdom, tips for anybody who is currently struggling with body image, sex, relationships.

Shelly

What I realized is that they are all really more connected than you might realize. So I think once you start working on kind of one area of it, the rest will actually improve too. That’s what I found.

Ryann

I love that, yeah.

Shelly

Yeah, like when I started focusing on my, like kind of healing my relationship with my body and you know, body image and food and all of that, then I was like, then yeah, like I said, that’s kind of when I attracted my partner and then it was like, I don’t know, it all kind of fit together. Now I feel like I’m more comfortable with sex too. So I think just, I guess my advice, my last piece of advice is just like, I feel like, I know for me, sometimes it felt really overwhelming. Like I would feel like, oh, I have all these different things that I need to work on. Like I need to, you know, stop binging.

I need to like, you know, lose weight. I need to like, but then I also wanted to find a partner and I also, sometimes I would just feel really overwhelmed. Like there’s too many different things that I’m trying to like fix about myself, even though it’s obviously not like you’re fixing anything, but that’s how I felt in the moment. And so I think my advice is just like kind of like what I did with you where I was like, okay, right now I feel like my main goal is to focus on my body image and my relationship with food. So that’s when I found you and your course.

And yeah, like I said, once I started working on that, I felt like the other areas of my life that I was also unhappy with were kind of started getting better too. So I guess just, sorry, I feel like I like rambled a little bit, but my advice is just to like pick one thing that you’re wanting to kind of focus on right now and instead of feeling too overwhelmed of like oh, there’s these ten different areas of my life that I need to work on like just pick one and then I feel like the other areas will kind of start to to improve too.

Ryann

I love that so much because you’re so right. They are totally all interconnected. And I think that sometimes we become so overwhelmed by like all of the things on our to-do list that we want to change. And when it’s like, okay, like if I can just pick the one that’s affecting my life most right now and realize that like, yeah, they are interconnected. And once I start working on one, the other ones will kind of fall right into place. It’s like, it becomes so less overwhelming. I really love that. I really love that. Well, thank you so much for all of that. That was amazing. So many good things in there. I super appreciate you sharing your story, being so vulnerable and open and all of those tips. Where can everybody find you to chat with me more, learn more about your story, learn more about you, get along with you.

Shelly

Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. I really appreciate you having me on. It was really, it’s always, I always enjoy talking about this kind of stuff. But yeah, people can find me, it’s at shamelesslyshelly, so it’s S-H-A-M-E-L-E-S-S-L-Y. Shelly is spelled S-H-E-L-L-Y. It’s kind of a long, a long handle, but yeah, I’m shamelesslyshelly on Instagram and TikTok. Those are kind of my two main platforms that I use. And then, oh, also I like to mention, if anyone’s listening that’s a sexual assault survivor, I have a Facebook group as well. That one is called Surviving and Thriving. So, if you search that on Facebook, it’s just a private group and we kind of just, people, you know, post different things in there and advice and questions and it’s just a really good supportive kind of community for people. So, but yeah, I’d love to hear from anyone on Instagram or TikTok. And yeah, thank you so much, Ryann.

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