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Connect with Lisa

📲 Instagram: @thoughtfullyfueled

🖥 Website: www.thoughtfullyfueled.com

🎙 Podcast: The Fully Fueled Life Podcast

Episode Transcript

Ryann

Hello, everybody, welcome back to the Food Freedom Lab. I have Lisa here with us today. We are diving into another segment, our monthly segment of splitting two topics up on her podcast, the Fully Fueled Life podcast. I swear I’m going to get that right one of these times. And on this podcast to talk just very casually about different that we hear a lot or just that aren’t talked about enough or just our own personal relationship with them. So on her podcast, we just spoke about our past relationship with alcohol and how we have experienced alcohol. And now we’re gonna dive into our relationship with alcohol now and what drinking is like for us now. So I’ll have you kick us off. What is drinking like for you now? Or you were just talking about how you had this phase of being so restrictive on food that kind of cut out alcohol. Did you ever go back? Or was that kind of just the segue to changing your relationship with alcohol.

Lisa

When I cut out alcohol because I was at like the lowest of my disordered eating phase, I cut that out and then I almost like resented other people for drinking and I would get kind of nasty. I’m like thinking back to like family trips or like things my parents like to drink, they like to have cocktails and things like that. And I remember one time specifically we were in Key West as a family and Key West is like a party town. My brother had just turned 21, so I was like just out of college. And my parents were like, let’s go to Key West, it’ll be so much fun. We can get drinks, muck around, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, why would we drink? I don’t want to, I don’t want to do this. And I was nasty about it because I was still in that phase of why would I do this unless I’m going to black out?

I’m not going to black out with my family. So I’m just not going to drink and I’m going to be nasty about it to everyone else who is involved. But that kind of like segued into how can I make this different? How can I not be like the no fun one, but also drink in a way that feels okay for me? And seeing how I can like, explore that new relationship and that took a lot of time to figure out.

Ryann

I feel like for me, because I was at such an extreme level. I had this moment where I was like, okay, we need to kind of just take a look at everything that’s going on. At this time, I started working as a therapist at a substance abuse treatment center, not intentional. It just happened that way. And I almost feel like it was the best blessing in disguise because not only was I regularly talking to people who were sober and they were talking about how much their life has changed, but also I feel like working as a therapist now, I was regularly doing therapeutic work. Like even if it wasn’t for me, it was still like I was incorporating that work and I feel like indirectly that kind of got me on this path of I really want to do some major healing. Like I know that I’ve already gone through a huge period of healing and I feel like, you know, I healed the binges, but my relationship with food is still not amazing. My relationship with myself is not great at all. And so I just kind of, I started reading a ton. I started journaling. I went back to therapy and I feel like it was in that moment that I was like, I don’t know that alcohol really serves a purpose in my life. And I don’t know that this is a path that I want to continue down.

Lisa

Yeah. And I think finding that is super challenging because it’s not the norm. Like most people have alcohol present in their day, in their week, in their month. And when you are starting to kind of like stray away from that normality, it’s really weird. It’s like uncharted territory. You don’t really know how to navigate it. At least I didn’t. And I had to kind of have a conversation because it wasn’t like a sit down with some of my friends and being like, hey, we’re not going to, you know, black out every day or every weekend or whatever we were doing at the time. It was kind of this like, slowly but surely, it just got to be, oh, do you want to go out to dinner and like have a drink, but not necessarily like go to the clubs after or stay up until 2am. 2 a.m.

But that was really hard because I feel like everyone was making a similar transition, at least like my close friends were making a similar transition, but everyone was doing it at different times based on, you know, like did they just start a new job that was super demanding? Are they in school? Did they just get engaged? Like depending on what was going on in their saw this switch happen. But for me, it was hard because I didn’t have a life event to kind of like go along with it. It was just the fact that like, I was working on my relationship with food and like starting my intuitive eating journey and all of that, but I wasn’t really broadcasting that to everyone. I was kind of doing a lot of the work solo. And I think that’s what maybe brought up some questions from like my friends and other people.

Ryann

I agree. It was interesting, like as I started to navigate this and people being like, but Ryann, why aren’t you drinking? Or Ryan, come on, like it’s not that big of a deal. And I think part of the thing that was really important for me when I was going through just kind of rebuilding my relationship with myself was just acknowledging this mental element of depression that is just a part of me it has always been it has always it will always be and learning more about alcohol as I was working at this substance abuse treatment center and learning just how much alcohol has a direct impact on your serotonin and dopamine and kind of learning that when I choose to have a drink, even if it’s one, it doesn’t affect me the same way that it does for other people that don’t have depression, meaning that for me, it might feel great or like no big deal in the moment, but I’m always going to feel it the next day. And I’m always going to just be kind of blah the next day. And I started to have these moments where I was like, is it worth it? Is it worth it? Like, why can’t I have a mocktailer? Why can’t I have something else? Like, why do I, and do I need it? Do I need it to have these relationships or to have fun or have meaning?

Lisa

Yeah, I think a lot of it comes, well, one, you have that like, that peer pressure aspect like you were saying that oh come on right everyone you know it’s just one drink or blah blah blah blah blah and at the beginning I would always be like no no no because I was still kind of in that all-or-nothing mentality I was like I know I want to work on this relationship I know this is something that I want to look different in my life but I don’t quite know how to navigate it so I’m still going to adapt to this like all or nothing mentality. If I’m gonna drink, it’s gonna be sporadic, you know, once a month or whatever. And it’s usually gonna be like a thing, like there’s an event and everyone’s present and I’m gonna drink and then I’m gonna swear it off for the next however long until there’s another like excuse to do it. And that’s how I started.

And then I’m the same way, it’s the next morning, I despise that feeling of being hungover, not being able to function, feeling like I just have this cloud over me. And I, even now, I can have two glasses of wine and I feel like absolute crap the next morning. And to me, that’s, I just hate feeling that way. It’s not a, I don’t like alcohol or whatever, it’s the feeling afterwards that I don’t like it. I don’t feel like myself. I just, and it’s not even a, I don’t like it because then I can’t work out or I can’t be a productive human being or whatever the case. I physically don’t like the way I feel.

And that’s really, you know, after a couple of those really bad hangovers when it was that one time I would drink a month and I went all out. I mean, I was useless, for lack of better words, for like two, three days. Like, I would just be on the couch, horizontal, and I was like, I can’t keep doing this to myself. Like, I can’t keep… Yeah, it’s fun. It’s a good time. But could I have done that and had a drink? Or could I have done that and had nothing to drink. Still made memories, probably actually remembered the memories that I made. Still have fun, be with my friends, but then not have this feeling.

Ryann

Yeah, yeah, I totally relate to that after feeling and that was a biggie for me, not only the physical but the mental after for me and then also just realizing how much more productive I was, feeling better, feeling stronger, really just improving everything overall. And I didn’t necessarily need it to be like, I am going sober and I am cold turkey, but it was one of those things where it was like, I will choose to have it in a situation where it feels worth it to me and not the calories are worth it but how I’m gonna feel tomorrow is worth experiencing this right now and there are not a ton of times where it’s like check check yes but there are and it was really interesting when I was going through therapy again and I was really focusing on the relationship element and all of that part and she asked me and she was like, but Ryann, if you don’t love drinking and you are not a night person, what happens when you meet someone at the bar where it’s like that is something that they do? Because who you’re going to meet there, I mean, they’re going there, so it’s obviously a part of their life. And that really made me think about who I wanted to attract moving forward and I kind of had this moment where I was like well maybe I just need to allow myself to meet somebody in a place where I do do things whether it be the gym or the coffee shop or the grocery store or whatever and I don’t want someone who is regularly drinking so if I’m trying to meet someone at the bar that might be a thing.

Lisa

Yeah, and that’s a good, like such a good point, especially because when like both of us were kind of reevaluating this relationship, we were both also seeking an intimate relationship with another human. And that is a huge deciding factor. Like, is this someone that likes to go out and stay out until 2 a.m. and do this every weekend? Or is this someone who’s content being in bed by 10pm and reading a book because that’s what I like to do? And I think you have to get to a certain point to realize that about yourself and be okay with the fact that like, I don’t like to stay up late, I like to get up early, I will probably say no to an eight o’clock dinner because way too close to my bedtime. And you have to like be secure in yourself to be able to say that and then to look for a partner who will also follow, not follow, but like has those same values.

Ryann

When I met Grayson and I met him in a coffee shop, it wasn’t even a conversation that we ever had to have. It was, that was just the lifestyle that he lived too. And I think that it feels so beautiful to be married to someone now who doesn’t need alcohol because I know for me that was something that I was like, I don’t want to be married to someone who needs it. And not saying that if it happened down the line I wouldn’t love them and fight for them and help them but growing up in a home where that was the case I I didn’t want that. I did not want that. I wanted someone who can choose it and have it and enjoy it but doesn’t need it. It’s not like I come home from a long day and I need it and I think as a therapist and all the work that I had done around my relationship with food and my emotions and everything I was like I want someone who is also connected who is not numbing because I’ve done enough of that

Lisa

Yeah, and I think I’m the same way I’ve never and at first I thought I was like the odd man out Because I’m not that person who comes home after a long day and is like, oh, I want a cocktail Oh, I would like I really want a glass of wine to like help me wind down. That is not me I actually don’t really like the taste of all alcohols like at first I just you know when you start drinking I don’t think anyone really likes the taste of alcohol and you’re just like oh This is what it tastes like you suck it up and you know drink it But as I got older and started read develop or like, you know reevaluating my relationship. I was like I Genuinely don’t like how this tastes and for the longest time I would always be like, oh, I’m just a slow drinker. I’m a slow drinker. And that’s how I would kind of get around it. And now I’m like, no, I just really don’t like the way this tastes and I don’t want to drink it because I don’t like the taste.

I’d rather have a mocktail or, you know, I do like a glass of wine every now and then, but like, that’s my thing. I’m not going and drinking a craft beer and like just kind of doing it because everyone else is doing it, or like having, you know, a shot of alcohol that makes my eyes water because it’s that bad, I’m really comfortable with like, these are the things that I like, and I know what I want this to look like, and I’m also okay now saying no. Like a friend of mine and I, we have a standing dinner date on Tuesdays because my boyfriend and her husband are both deployed, different places, but both gone. So we have like a standing dinner date on Tuesday nights. And sometimes we have a glass of wine or something, and then other times we don’t. And it’s so easy to be like, I don’t want that.

Or like, I don’t think that’s gonna go well or, ooh yeah, that glass of red wine is gonna pair beautifully with this pasta that we made. Let’s do that. But I’m able to say no and not just say yes to the drink because we did last week or because she’s offering it. I’m okay saying no and if you asked the Lisa from three years ago, five years ago, I don’t even know, I would have been like, yeah, and if we’re opening a bottle, we got to finish a bottle. Like, it’s so different where my mindset is. And I really like this new relationship. I would say I’m still trying to figure out what exactly it looks like and what it’s going to look like moving forward. And I’m sure it’s going to change, but it’s been almost, I think empowering is the right word to use because I am so confident in saying yes or no and not caring what the other person thinks and just really, you know, asking myself, like, do I want this? Is it going to make me feel good? Is it going to enhance this experience without having that, like, peer pressure aspect?

Ryann

Totally. Like, coming down to everything that we do with food, same kind of thing.

Lisa

Exactly. Exactly.

Ryann

I couldn’t agree more and I think that something that I kind of had to shift and I feel like this is the conversation that always comes up when it comes to changing your relationship with alcohol is okay, but how do you find pleasure outside of alcohol or drinking or going out and drinking and it is just doing different things. And if you are someone who thrives on adrenaline, then reading a book and going for a walk is never gonna be for you. You just need something a little bit more uppity, but that doesn’t mean that it needs to have alcohol in it. And I think that that is the biggest struggle that so many people have is that, what is my life gonna be? Or my life is gonna be so boring without this. But that’s not true at all. You can have so many different things and align it to what it is that you’re really after, right? Like I’m really after the social connection or the fun or the adrenaline rush or the music or whatever the case may be. Like I know for me, not anymore where I live, but every time I go to visit my mom in Arizona, there’s a spin studio by her house where I swear to God it feels like I was just at the club where it’s like music, disco ball, lights, singing, dancing, it’s incredible. And it’s like a spin class and I’m like, this is amazing. And so it’s just, it’s just maybe even redefining pleasure.

Lisa

Yeah. And I like that you brought that up because I think that’s something I know I was a little nervous with like, okay, well, if I don’t drink or if I don’t drink as much as I used to, like, what am I going to do for fun? And then even moving to, like, when I moved to Mississippi, I had to be conscious of like what I asked other people to do on these like friend dates. Because if I like right off the bat say, Oh, let’s go get a drink. Then you kind of just start that as a habit or like, that’s your thing. So I was always like, let’s go get breakfast or grab a coffee or go on a walk. Like I made it, I really took it as like an intention to not go grab a drink because I didn’t want that to be something that I constantly got asked to do because that’s not something I always enjoy doing.

I’ve had to think about because when I was like re-evaluating this whole relationship, I lived around the Chicago area. Most of my friends still lived there. It wasn’t this new thing. It was just re-evaluating something in the same place that I have been living for most of my life. But then when I moved down here, I had to make that conscious effort. So I didn’t get, I don’t want to say stuck, but I didn’t, I didn’t bring that situation into my life where someone’s constantly asking me to go get a drink, you know, multiple times a week and every day of the weekend. I just didn’t want that. I wanted there to be activities that have revolved around other things rather than just drinking.

Ryann

And there are so many things and activities that revolve around other things and at the end of the day I don’t want this to be like you are a bad person for drinking or you shouldn’t drink. I think what I had to come to terms with is it’s kind of like how I talk to you guys about eating in front of the TV. And if you love eating in front of the TV, by all means, eat in front of the TV. And if you feel panicky or distressed when you can’t eat in front of the TV, that’s when it’s like, okay, let’s check that. And I think the same applies to this, where it’s like, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying going out and getting drinks, and there’s nothing wrong with having drinks. It is if you can’t have them and you feel panicky or distressed, let’s check that.

Lisa

Yeah, I love that you ended on that because just because Ryann and I’s new relationship with alcohol is very similar, not the same, but it is similar, doesn’t mean that, like she was saying, if you drink, it’s bad, or if you choose to have a couple of cocktails, that’s, you know, it’s essentially your life. You get to choose what you do and what you don’t do. We’re just here to give you insight into our experience, how it’s affected us, what we have, you know, chosen to do based off of those experiences, but ultimately we can’t tell you what to do.

Ryann

Yes, and for any of you that are listening to this first and feel like it’s always been this way with us, with alcohol, please head over to Lisa’s podcast to listen to what our relationship with alcohol was like before because I know that at least because of what I share on Instagram now, the healed version of me, there’s a lot of assumptions that I’ve always been this way and that is not the case at all and same for Lisa so go ahead over there to listen to our episode on drinking and We will be back next month with another episode.