Connect with Missy

📲 Instagram: @MissyGaspardCoaching

🖥 Website: bhbfbh.com/blog

Episode Transcript

Ryann

Oh, I’m so excited to hear everything that you have to say. So thank you so much for coming on here and chatting with me and taking this time. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

Missy

Well, I am super honored and I feel like that we’ve never met in person that I actually know you already. So I am just excited and sometimes you’re just put in the right place at the right time and I’m just gonna chalk it up to that was what it was for us.

Ryann

I know, I was thinking about that earlier today too because I was like, wait a minute, I’ve actually never spoken with Missy before and it feels like we’ve had so many conversations. So for those of everybody that doesn’t know you, why don’t we just kick off today with you introducing who you are and kind of what you do.

Missy

Absolutely. So I actually work part-time for the Arizona Cardinals, the local NFL team here, and I have been with the Cardinals, oh my goodness, this is like my 23rd or 24th football season. And dream job, awesome, awesome, awesome. Then ended up having four babies in eight years, so things needed to really shift for me. And so when I had my second baby in 2002, I reduced my work hours pretty dramatically and with kind of three days a week, but really three long days. And then after baby number four, I was like, I’m gonna hang it up altogether. And they’re like, no, please stay. We need to figure this out.

So I reduced again, even further. And it’s been a great job for me so that I could still be home and mothering and yet have one foot in the corporate world. Then looking at, let’s see, this was about two years ago, always been a fit person and ended up contracting an early onset of menopause and it completely wrecked my body. And we’ll go into more detail with this. And I ended up hiring my own wellness coach out of Florida at the time so she could work with me because nothing was working.

I couldn’t budge and I was really really frustrated and lo and behold when she helped me in such a magical way I was truly transformed and I was so appreciative and I was so grateful. I started sharing my progression and just how much my life had sort of leveled up in a way that I never imagined. And when I did so, people were coming to me and said, well can you help me? Can you help me? And I’m like, okay, I work for an NFL team but I’m not a coach.

And they’re like, no, you know, so then I go to back to my coach and I said, look I have a handful of new people for you. And she says, no, they came to you. They want what you had. You speak to them. They have a connection with you. I would really like to see you do this. And so it was very organic. It was very foundational. I grew it from my heart out. And it’s just shocking for me to say, but I’ve helped over 350 women in the last few years. Yes, it has absolutely exploded. Now, COVID is definitely a little part of that because gyms were shutting down. But when we get into the meat of this interview, I’ll dive more into exactly what I do. And so, so then I just created my own company, Be Healthy, Be Fit, Be Happy, because all three of those really do matter to me.

Ryann

Yeah. So is fitness and health and wellness been something that’s always been important to you or something recent?

Missy

No, you know, I’m obviously going to be 51 years old, so my life was very different since your childhood. When I was growing up, you didn’t really formulate one single sport and ran with it. You were introduced to a multi-faceted levels of sports. So I did softball, basketball, ran track, I played tennis. I did so many things growing up, and it wasn’t ever really, they didn’t have club sports back then. So you just did it all. And so I was very grateful. I was really across the board, a real strong athlete. Brought that into my high school years.

I was a cheerleader, I danced, go to college, take a little bit of a pause. I mean, you know, college is fun. And then found my rec center and fell in love with, I’m gonna date myself here, but step aerobics. I was into step aerobics and did that for a long time. And then fell in love with running. I’ve run eight marathons, I’ve done a half-hundred. Wow. I’ve been into triathlons, I decided to do hot yoga for an entire year, every day for a year. And so I’ve always been super, super fit and being active is just part of my DNA.

Ryann

Yeah, I feel that 100% because I was a big swimmer growing up and then once I stopped swimming, I went straight into the gym realm and trying to kind of figure out once you shift away from those organized sports to gym stuff, and then having this like ability to actually enjoy it because it’s so different is tough. So I totally relate to you kind of just shifting everything, but also trying all these different things to kind of figure out what you like. So what is it about health and fitness that you feel like really kind of lights your fire?

Missy

You know, I’m not gonna lie, it’s not easy. It’s not easy to lace those shoes off and just start sweating, you know, and start lifting and start jumping and start, you know, doing squats. It’s not easy, right? Or everyone would be doing it. So I know in 30 minutes my headspace is going to be flying in really, really high air and I’m a big fan of natural dope in the sense of dopamine, endorphins. I like to create my own brain energy from within. So I know it’s not going to be easy, but I know how better I’m going to feel afterwards and I kind of am addicted to that high and that life choice of walking the earth just in a better mood. And I feel like, you know, I say this all the time.

I wish, and I know you’re a therapist, I wish offices like yours had a treadmill. I really, when you think about like old school therapists, they’re like lying down on a couch and they’re, you know, born on a heart. But if we could get them upright and walking on a treadmill, I have a feeling they may speak differently. They may feel differently. I just feel like my fire is lit because of the afterburn. I know I’m going to feel better and I want to feel better so I do it.

Ryann

I’m the exact same way. I mean the difference between on days when I’m able to work out before I go to work, I’m a morning workout kind of person. People that work out at night, I don’t understand you. I wish I could do it sometimes but I am a morning workout gal. And the days that I work out before I do all of my stuff, I mean, my energy, my mood, my everything is so much higher on days that I’m not able to do anything. And it’s just really amazing. And it doesn’t have anything to do with the intensity of working out, but just getting and moving and getting out there.

And what’s funny is that I just recently switched over from all these service industry jobs. I worked four service industry jobs at one time for the last, I would say like two years. So I was constantly standing and moving around. And then when I shifted to this therapy work, it is been the most sedentary, I kid you not, I’ve been my entire life. So like trying to figure out how to get those natural feelings and that dopamine going and making sure that I’m able to exercise and all that good stuff in this kind of lifestyle and this job that everybody, not everybody, but a lot of people do, a lot of people have desk jobs, kind of prioritizing that.

Missy

Oh, no doubt. And I feel like I’m a big fan of, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, you should constantly keep your health, your motivation, your energy at the very tip top of your to-do list. And I say that all the time. I mean, I was always so impressed when I worked out at a gym, it was open 24 hours a day. I would be an early bird, but when I saw people come in with their scrubs on, knowing they just got off a 12-hour shift of surgery, and the first thing they were gonna do is work out before they went home, it totally impressed me. And so I feel like if there’s a will, there’s always going to be a way.

And I’m with you. Not everybody’s schedule is as flexible as mine, so I get it. My other issue is I have grown children. So I became a huge fan of morning, early, early, like 4 a.m. workouts because I needed to start my day before they did when they were younger. Well now they are self-sufficient, so I don’t have the same why I need to pop out at 4, 3, 5 o’clock in the morning, but believe it or not, most days of the week I actually still do it. Because it sets my tone, my intentions, my mood.

Like you, it doesn’t matter what is on my day to do, what matters is how I approach that day. You know, I could be going to run an errand, I could be going to my NSO office, I could be dog walking, it doesn’t matter. If I’ve started my day the way I want to, I feel better and everything seems to be working better. If I don’t, I feel like there’s this weird heavy blanket over me. It’s very inexplainable unless you actually participate in it.

Ryann

I totally feel you. So why don’t you walk me through briefly just your typical morning routine. Like if you had your ideal morning that sets your day up for success, what does that look like?

Missy

I have Alexa wake me up at five. I do a quick stretch to get right out of bed. If Rob is not here because he’s a serious cyclist and a lot of times he leaves by 4.30 so I make my bed immediately and then of course brush my teeth and do a skincare routine. I’m very much into hydrating my face and taking care of my face as much as my body so I’ll get that going. I am a huge fan of starting the day with water so I am doing collagen and water between eight and 10 ounces first thing in the morning. As I’m sipping that down, I’m preparing my breakfast.

I’m a little bit of a nerd and I usually eat the same thing every day. As I’m eating and digesting and setting my intentions for the day, I’m a huge fan of personal development. So there’s constantly gonna be at least two to three books in my kitchen right by my candles that I’ll light and it’s very nice and quiet and I will read for at least 10 minutes. I am a huge fan of reading, absorbing, and then applying. I don’t want any of my clients to read a book in three days. That is not the goal. The goal is to get the information, let it sit with you, and see how it can level up your own life.

So people like to say knowledge is power. I heard a motivational speaker say it’s actually not. It’s when you apply the knowledge, that’s where the power actually lives. So you can tell somebody something all day long. If it doesn’t change their life, there’s no power in it. So then I will run upstairs, so this is very fortunate that I have a beautiful home gym, and then I do at-home workouts.

So I’m always on a set plan, and we’ll go more into that later of what I’m working on out on I’m on a program I do functional fitness so every day is a little bit different and so I will do my workout my workouts do not go more than 30 to 40 minutes and then I take my shower and start the rest of my day and that to me is just ideal I am like even this morning my teenagers are like I came downstairs Ryan and tonight’s Monday night football the Cardinals are playing, I’m having the boys have their friends over and I wanna go over the menu and I’m at a pretty high level voice and they are looking at me like, I don’t know what you’re on, you’re gonna have to take that down a notch.

You just don’t have a head. My hair is barely drying from damping in it to get to Brophy on time. And I know you’ve been listening to Post Malone up there, but we’re gonna have to take it down a little mom. So I’m that mom because I’m so high. I mean, they see it immediately and they’re like, she’s so much. She is just so much.

Ryann

I love it. I mean, I just love watching you because you do have so much energy, but I admire it because I’m just like, this is what it looks like to truly be living. And I just love the point where you say you can have all the knowledge, have all the knowledge right at your fingertips, but until you apply it, it doesn’t matter. And I think that that is important for everybody to kind of recognize. And I think that for me, like I have to remind myself that as well, like even as a therapist, like I can have all these skills, but just like anybody else, unless I don’t apply these skills, it’s just, it’s nothing. So I love that you said that.

Missy

Well, think about this. It’s actually reckless, Ryann, if people have information and we have to share it with other people, but we don’t apply it to ourselves. I find that to be very dangerous and reckless and very, it’s like fraud, basically. So for you, with your amazing website and all the tips and the tools about body image and about leveling up your life and finding real joy and self-acceptance and self-esteem. If you weren’t living that same life and modeling it, how unfair to expect others to do it if you’re not going to do it.

Ryann

Yes, exactly. And that’s why I really try and live this kind of healthy, happy lifestyle that I really want to promote and show that I was there, I was there on the other side and I came out on on this side now and I know what it takes because I’ve been there but also I’m doing it too so I understand that it’s hard and I understand that there are bad days and I understand that it’s so easy to make an excuse but this this is what I do and so I just want to be real, raw, and authentic and I feel like you’re the exact same way which I really appreciate.

I really just appreciate the realness, the rawness, the like, hey, this is me and this is how I live my life and this is what works and I’m here to show you that. So why don’t you talk to me a little bit about this idea of functional fitness? Because it’s something that you promote. I kind of know what it means, but I definitely don’t think that everybody does. So let’s talk about that.

Missy

Absolutely. So as I mentioned, all the past experiences in my life with my fitness and being athletic have been one dimensional. And it’s so interesting looking back on my life. I didn’t know it at the time. So for example, you know, to run eight marathons, you have to put in a lot of miles. So the actual race to me is the easy part. It’s the ramping up to it. It’s putting in all the training time and the miles and the miles. I mean, I remember, you know, you just did it.

You just remember my Saturday long run. I mean, Ryann, there were days that I’m at 15 miles, I’m 22 miles. It was a huge chunk of my life. But the problem was I didn’t have nutrition and I did not have lifting. I didn’t have resistance. All I did was run. And I don’t like to be cold. And like the fact that you live in Jackson Hole freaks me out completely. And I’m like, if it gets below like 93, I’m wearing a sweatshirt. I kid you not. So I remember cold, dark mornings in November.

So I always ran the rock and roll marathon here in Phoenix. That was my favorite. And it was always the third week in January. So my training was bitter, bitter, bitter cold. I didn’t even want to take time to stretch. I just wanted to go. Okay, I just wanted my body to warm up. So now, my speaking with my medical professionals, my training, all the mileage, not eating properly, I could have easily put myself into early menopause. We don’t really know because it was super early for someone like me.

So anywho, here I am and I decide I’m gonna do Sumit’s hot yoga, 365 practices in 365 days. So if I couldn’t go one day because the kids had something, I wasn’t feeling well, I was traveling, I had to make that up the next day or the next day. Kid you not, one time I had to do it four times. It was four times. Four hot yoga practices. And one day. Again, one dimensional. So I took a photo of myself on day one and a photo of myself on 365. I looked exactly the same. Nothing shifted in my body.

And you can call it shallow on the surface, whatever it may be, I am highly attracted to lean muscle mass for me. I like lean muscle mass on me. So I couldn’t get it. I had pockets of fat that were developing on my back, on my waist, on my legs, had never existed before. So when you go through menopause, it’s almost like your period again. There is a real science behind craving certain things when hormones are outraged because it’s chemically not balanced in your body.

Things are off. So, sure, girls that are on their period cry more and they crave chocolate. It’s real. It’s a real thing. It’s a real chemical thing. So menopause is no different. So, I was not eating well, but I kept thinking, I’m going to hot yoga so it’s a real mindset to think you’re doing something but you don’t have all the education and the knowledge so when I hired a yoga coach that was the first thing she did she goes you need to stretch you need to rest you need cardio you need weights you need resistance bands and I’m like what? like who’s got time for all that?

I need, but, she’s like, no, this is how it works. So it’s no more than 30, 35 minutes a day, and it’s like, you don’t need that much cardio. It’s not helping you. You need to lift. You need to grow your bones well. You need to rest your body to heal. So functional fitness includes everything. But research shows your body intensity really can’t go much harder than 40-45 minutes. Once after that period you start to slack off. You’re not at a hundred percent. You’re maybe at 80. You can go down to 60. So what’s the point? You’re not getting out what you think you’re getting. So let’s just do 30 minutes hardcore in a variety of areas. You’re gonna be well-rounded. You’re gonna grow lean muscle mass.

My transformation in 21 and 21 days was startling and the running joke is I’m so challenged tech wise you have no idea but my husband is an architect so he photoshops like there’s nobody’s business so people really thought he was photoshopping my photos because that’s how dramatic of a change it was but what it really was was eat more food I wasn’t eating enough food so when you under eat and over work out you pull from the very thing that you want and it’s your muscle. It doesn’t take your fat, it takes your muscles.

It takes what it can get first. And then if you’re under eating, it’s a fight-flight feeling. It holds on to every ounce of fat because it has no idea when you’re going to feed it again. So it is the complete opposite of what you seek. So for years and years and years, I wouldn’t eat anything past 8 o’clock at night. I would get up and eat nothing and then run 10 to 12 miles. It was horrible. It was horrible. And that’s how I lived my life for many, many, many years. And now when I look back, Ryann, I suffered from chronic migraine headaches. I was always dehydrated. I was not sleeping well. I was grossly underweight. It was awful. But I thought I was living my best life.

I was like an athlete. I’m like multi-marathoner, I was crossing the finish line, I was what I thought was really happy. So when I started to incorporate lifting, and I mean lifting like eight, 10 pounds, I’m not talking 50 pounds, I’m talking eight to 10 pounds in a rotation. My programs have a personal trainer attached to them, they were teaching me everything I needed to know, and I fell in love with fitness all over again, and a whole different level, and I’m giving my body a holistic approach to fitness.

Ryann

Oh my gosh, that’s amazing. And I think that what’s so tough about that, if you don’t have the knowledge, which a lot of people don’t, is it’s so easy with all the technology we have today to get hyper focused on the numbers, right? The calories, the how much calories you’ve burned, your heart rate, all that kind of stuff. And so I know for me, and thank goodness, I mean, Apple watches and heart rate monitors weren’t a thing when I was a teenager. Otherwise, I feel like I would have been even more psychotic about burning calories than I already was.

But it’s sometimes hard to not get into that mode of, well, I’m just gonna do all of this cardio because that’s what helps me burn the most calories and understanding that there are so many dimensions to our bodies and so many other things that matter more than just like burning calories like rings or bone density or Muscle mass or all these different things.

So I love that your approach brings all of these kind of aspects together Focusing on the person as a whole what they like what they enjoy and what works best for them.

Missy

Well, you know, and that’s my, that’s one of the approaches with my clients. It’s a little different, which is we spend a lot of time on non-scale victories. So I got a client that sent me a message. It was, it brought tears to my eyes and she’s like, I don’t know where I would be without you in my life. And I’m like, well, that’s a bit much, but I’ll take it.

And she showed me her before and afters where she’s lost 20-something pounds since July, and she’s lost over 14 overall inches. And she’s eating more than she’s ever eaten, she does not feel restrictive, and she feels like her energy is so high. So she was talking about the numbers, and I’m like, hold up, I don’t care about the numbers. You know what I care about? You just may have saved yourself a future heart attack. You may have just saved yourself getting insulin every day from not being a diabetic. You just saved yourself from maybe getting high blood pressure.

So I want my clients to focus on inside out, head to toe. I need them to understand their kidneys matter just as much as their biceps. Eating kale matters just as much as reading personal development. I need you to be well. That’s why it’s really difficult, I go back and forth with the fitness and the health, I just really feel like wellness is really my passion. I need you to be well, live well, be well.

Ryann

Yeah, so I think of that kind of full circles around to the mindset shift. So in that 21 day transformation that you had, tell me about what, I mean, obviously there was a huge shift in your body, but what about your mind? What happened there?

Missy

Well, I’m very blessed. I do think a lot of who we are is from the DNA. Okay, so I think there’s some things that we can’t change about that. In some ways, we have to work harder. So, for example, I am classic Type A, at least I had been for a very long time, and unfortunately I raised my oldest daughter with that same mindset, raising my boys a little differently.

So, in saying that, mindset is everything, and your DNA is there and in some ways we have to work harder to get around it if that makes sense so for me My mindset was definitely I have to always be at the top of my game I always have to be revved up and like not better than anyone else But like hitting my goals all the time and that can be downright exhausting. So what I shifted to in those 21 days was learning to love the journey, learning to love the hard, learning to embrace the present. I’m always like, what’s next? Okay, I got that. Now where do we go from here?

And instead, just in those 21 days, melt on every day. I rose, I was happy, I did what I was supposed to do, and I was very coachable. But with your mindset, you have to be willing to change. You have to be willing to look in the mirror and say, it’s time for a shift. I’m not sure where I’m standing is where I’m supposed to be. But in order for me to get to that next place, I have to be open to growth. And growth occurs when you’re uncomfortable. So for 21 days, I got really uncomfortable.

Ryann

So when you are working with clientele that’s always on what’s next, the next goal, the next victory, how do you help them stay in the present? Because I feel like that’s something that you do a really good job on is staying in the present and bringing yourself into the present and not necessarily future tripping so much. So how did you learn for yourself to bring yourself back into the present, but also how do you help your clients as well stay in the present? Because yeah, I agree. It’s totally about the journey.

Missy

Well, and I think we have to be honest. The days can be long, but the years are short. So you think about 2020, it feels like we’re still in March. It is like the longest Wednesday of our lives, you know, but when you think about it, we’re halfway through October, you know, we’re right. 2021. So though it was a really long, long year in one way, it’s almost over. It’s almost over. And, you know, I can’t promise you 2021 is going to look any better, but 2020 is about to come right off the calendar. So, for me, what I try to explain to my clients, and I think also being a mom makes a bit of a difference, too.

So, I feel like a lot of times we’re so ready to move to the next phase that we don’t give the current one enough respect and it deserves it. The today, the now deserves it and not to get into another whole horrible subject tragedy for me, I lost a child. So I know how fragile the day can be. I know what it’s like to drive up to a house, have this amazing life and then in 10 minutes be turned upside down. I know what that feels like. So I try so hard to convey that to my clients. You don’t know that tomorrow’s coming. So let’s live today as well as possible. But we do need to plan as if tomorrow was coming, if that makes sense. I need them to do both.

Ryann

Yeah, and I think that we can plan but still be present, right? We can think about and prepare ourselves for what’s to come but not live in that what’s to come. So I know that personal development is something that is so huge for you and on your website, you write something that’s so beautiful. So I want to read it and then I want you to tell me more about it. You write, health and wellness must teach you how to grow through the seasons of life. If you want to live your best life, you must be willing to embrace growth and necessary changes. As humans, we are wired to fight restrictions and stay firmly grounded. Trees have roots, your feet don’t. Tell me more about that.

Missy

It feels like, and this is a weird, weird analogy, but for example, the world is so heavy right now. Politically, racially, religiously, it’s heavy. I keep explaining that 2020 is like this really wet blanket that just won’t get off. It just won’t lift at all. When a blanket gets wet, it’s not going anywhere. So for me, I have to crawl on top of the blanket. So in order to do that, I have to get uncomfortable, I have to move, I have to shift. So what I’ve been doing personally is listening to podcasts because they’re straight fire right now. So podcasts, reading, I’ve been watching other people that Ryann are so far the opposite from me, it’s frightening.

What they believe in, you know, how an atheist operates, all Emma DeVout classic. I mean, I’m going from one extreme to the other. And the reason I’m doing it is I’m trying to teach myself how to live more empathetically in my beliefs. I don’t want anyone to change my beliefs per se, I just want to be able to meet them in the middle and understand where they’re coming from. So again, if I firmly put those roots down like a tree on Catholicism, on being a white woman, of being conservative, if I label myself with all of these things and that’s how I live my life every day, I’m gonna miss out. I’m going to miss out on some bold moves and I’m not willing to do that.

I’m willing to bend. I’m willing to listen. I’m willing to educate and I feel like my health is so well-rounded. Functional fitness, solid nutrition, personal development and growth. I am willing to be all of those things at one time so that I can be well. I just want to live well. I don’t want, you know, that day to come where I’m called home and I have some regrets. I don’t want to be resistant to going. I want to know when I, and this makes me emotional, but when that day comes I want to be able to look up and say I lived well. And I don’t know if people do feel that way about themselves, but that’s my goal every day. I don’t necessarily need a million or two million dollars.

I don’t necessarily have to drive a dream wagon to feel like I’ve arrived. I want to find joy on a random Monday afternoon, talking about my passion. I want to hug my kids when they come home and hope they had a good day. I don’t need material things anymore in my life to get me to that zone. I’m in my zone because I’m very aware of my surroundings. I’m aware of my growth. I’m aware of where I want to go. And I want to live every day as beautifully and with so much kindness for myself and for others. It matters.

Ryann

Oh, oh my gosh. Mic drop. Holy cow. Holy cow. I’m so inspired. I mean.

Missy

Well, like don’t giggle. So your mom and I go power walking once a week and it’s the cutest thing. It’s almost like a moving meditation for us. We share, we get raw. And look, Ryann, it’s not easy to get raw. It’s not easy for me to put my before photos on when I’ve always been a size two and I have love handles like a man that’s like 50 and drinks beer all day. You know, I had to do that because I felt like if I posted it and it helped one person, just one person, then it was worth it for me. I need to embrace all of me. I have to love everything that I’ve been through. I even have to love my own grief.

I didn’t like that it was given to me, but I took it and ran with it. And I want to show people every day that you’re gonna suffer a loss. You’re gonna lose your identity. You’re gonna lose a parent, you’re going to lose a pet, you’re going to lose a spouse, you’re going to lose one day. Something’s going to come across you one day, no one can avoid it. And I want to be that person, that light, that love that someone looks at and says, she did this, like she was able to pull herself up, I know I can do it too. I just want to be the ultimate teacher.

You know, you learn so much, you know, you went to Catholic school, you went to Catholic private college. You do learn a lot in an institution of walls with books and professors, you do. But your learning never should stop, Ryann. It should be every day. You should be learning how to be a better human for yourself and for those around you.

Ryann

Oh, a thousand percent. I think that we never should stop learning. And that is that kind of growth mindset that I can always, not necessarily do more because it’s not about more, but just like have a more open mind and kind of just more experiences almost. And yeah.

Missy

I’ll close on that. My words of all my clients, I make them get the word of the year, you know, kind of trendy, but my word was tenacity. I love that word. Like in everything that I do, that’s just so me. But you know in March, it had to shift to open-mindedness. I had to be open to my kids going to school at home. They were driving me cray-cray. You know, open-minded to having a puppy next to me all the time. Open-minded that my husband’s company may be shifting and doing work elsewhere because the economy wasn’t so great. Or whatever it may be, opened that I couldn’t go to my football games anymore because of COVID. So I needed to shift to being open-minded. And I gotta be honest with you, that’s a better word for me than tenacity. It ended up being a much better word for me.

Ryann

Yeah, that open-minded kind of just like shifting perspective as well. I feel like those kind of go hand in hand. And I feel like this year has been completely how can I shift my perspective and everything that’s going on because if we don’t have that open-mindedness and that ability to kind of shift our perspective and kind of switch to okay what what is positive about this or what can I learn from this or what is this trying to you to get into that kind of like victim this sucks mode.

And yeah, totally back to that open-mindedness. So with everything that you just said, for those who are maybe going through a tough spot or dealing with grief or trauma or a really hard time in their life, what is your advice to them to stay motivated? Like for people that are really struggling right now, how do you stay motivated?

Missy

Well, I think it’s fair to acknowledge you’re not okay. And I think unfortunately society has never given us that permission. It is always associated with weakness. And I look at it as a sign of strength. If you are willing to be vulnerable enough to examine yourself and realize you’re not well, that is actually a sign of strength for me. Because when you go ahead and you’re aware of it and you admit it, then you can start implementing some tools to get you beyond that. So for me, this just actually happened to me on Wednesday and I have no idea why.

And I think when you go through grief, it does bubble up at different times. So it’s really hard to put a band-aid on a gushing wound, okay, and a lot of people like band-aids. They’re small, they’re easy to apply, and when you rip them off, it doesn’t hurt so badly. It’s just one whoop, it’s off. But that’s not how grief works, because if you keep putting that one band-aid on an open wound that keeps gushing and gushing, it’s going to end up taking you over. And that’s not what you want to do.

So I think it’s fair to sit in your icky. I think it’s fair to go ahead and be blue. Because if you fight it, nothing good is going to come from it. It’s just not. And if you push it under the carpet like it didn’t exist, it’s going to start seeping out in different areas of your life. So I think it’s fair to acknowledge you’re not doing well. But I think you have to also realize, and I remember this with my own daughter when we had lost Griffin, Gabrielle, oh my gosh, she must have been in seventh grade, and I remember saying, hey, you know, if you need to talk to someone, just let mom dad know.

We will set an appointment and we will figure this out together. And Ryann, she told me, mom, no one, especially a stranger, could ever fix the brokenness of my heart. Only I know my heart and I know how broken it is and it’s up to me to fix it. And I thought, oh, that is just so profound for a 7th grader. And I think she’s just super private, so I acknowledge that and I bless that. But I think at one level, you have to be able to pull yourself up. You have to not rely on alcohol, on drugs, on abusive behaviors, bad choices, because that stuff only compounds your grief. It makes it ten times worse.

So I’m a big fan of sitting in the icky, acknowledging I’m not doing really well, but be okay when you cry, but be okay when you laugh. I think a lot of times with grief, people put you in this little position that says, you know, it’s too soon to laugh. Like, I don’t know what you’re laughing about. You’ve just been through a serious trauma or whatever. But I don’t think society has the right to label and put a timeline on anyone. I think you have to feel what you feel, and you move through it as well as you can.

I am a fan of talking to people, whether professionally or a good friend or whatever. I’m a huge fan of talking. I’m a huge fan of journaling. I’m a big, big fan of getting it out on paper and just sort of going through that motion of like releasing it. And it needs to go somewhere. It needs to go somewhere. And, you know, grief is different for everyone.

So, for example, I lost Griffin in a tragic home accident. Another family losing a child that had, you know, stage 4 cancer and was really sick for four years, that’s different. It’s really, really different. And I don’t think they should be treated the same. And so I think grief is personal. I think you need to own all aspects of it. But I also need you to know you’re going to be okay. Like you’ve got to keep that in the back of your mind, that you’re going to get through this.

Like, we’re humans, we’re capable, we are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and we’re going to be okay. So this is weird, it’s okay to not be okay, and then be okay. That’s just how I treat it. I just feel like people shouldn’t rush it. I think it deserves its attention, but there’s gonna be a point where you have to move to the next level, and you have to release it, forgive it, bless it, and put it back out there. And just know when it starts to bubble up, you’re gonna be better at it the next time. Because it never goes away.

Ryann

I think, you know, with motivation sometimes, it comes down to, or a lot of people get into this mode of, well, I should be doing this, or I should feel better, or all these shoulds on yourself of where you feel like you’re supposed to be instead of allowing yourself to just feel how you feel. And so I love that you brought that up because I think that with motivation, when you allow yourself on those days to not be okay and allow those emotions to run through you and then pick up where you left off when you’re feeling better. That motivation comes when it’s supposed to come. It’s when we force ourselves to do things when we’re not necessarily ready out of other reasons why we’re forcing ourselves to do these things, right? Whether it’s, you know, I feel like I should back to that point instead of just being like, yeah, I’m not feeling okay today or I’m a little bit tired today And I’m just gonna listen to my body and I think that when we listen to our bodies Then that motivation almost comes naturally.

Missy

Oh, absolutely And so for me grief is not black and white. It’s gray And so when I’m feeling blue a lot of a lot of colors here But when I’m feeling blue, I give myself grace in the gray. And so, you know, a couple of days ago I have a nephew that just moved away, and I tend, because when you go through a tragedy like mine, my nerves went right to the surface, and they will never disappear. They hover right on that surface, so I feel all things. And to me, I think it’s very magical.

I feel very blessed that my grief has allowed me to feel everything because I want to. And I know my sister was having a hard time with letting him go. So I think I was feeling blue projecting what my sister was feeling. And that’s just part of my grief. It’s just part of who I am. And so, and then once I heard his voice and I was able to tell her he’s doing really well, it’s more beautiful than he thought, he loves Colorado, blah, blah, blah. And I could feel myself feeling better because I could sense my sister was feeling better.

So, you know, again, it’s never black and white. And I think, you know, bottom line, Ryann, what people need to do in all aspects of their lives is let go of the rules placed on us by a society, okay? They’re weird, and they don’t make any sense. And I think you need to build that self-esteem around yourself. And we have to stop worrying about what other people think of us, because it stifles us, and it puts us in a place where we can’t grow. And we’re afraid to feel, and we’re afraid to express, and we’re afraid to grow, because we’re worried about judgment. And it’s really, really awful.

You need to leave it away from yourself, and you need to not place it on others. It’s hypocritical to do it to other people. So just let the judgment go and live freely. It may not be what you think is right or what you think is great. It doesn’t matter. It’s not you. You get your own life. And I remember, you know, back to Elle, when I was driving on the 51 and she called me and she was changing her major. I am highly allergic to math. Like, don’t come at me with a math problem. I will just die. And she told me she was changing to accounting.

Ryann, I pulled over in the interstate and I’m like yelling at the top of my lungs, like why would you ever do that? And she was like, because I love numbers. And I’m like, but why? And she’s like, mom, like you don’t have to be an accountant you get to do what you do. This is me. And I was like, okay, okay, you’re right, you’re right. But that was me projecting on her. And she’s, thank God she’s strong enough to go, you need to stop, like, this is my life and I wanna live it, I need you to support me.

And once I calmed down, I realized that was ridiculous. But I’m doing this to my own daughter. Can you imagine what society does to other people?

Ryann

Yeah, oh my gosh. And it’s just, it’s so tough. And that’s what we’re really fighting against, these society ideals that have been impounded in our brains that we’re trying to almost untwist and unlearn and unravel, whether it’s diet culture or body standards or woman standards or whatever they are, trying to unravel.

So to kind of wrap up this whole conversation that’s gone a million different directions, I love it, but it just shows how complex life is, but how it all comes around full circle. And again, how you need to focus on all these areas of your life to live this ultimate healthy, happy version of you. It’s not just fitness. It’s not just the mental health. It’s not just the nutrition. It’s not, you know, one sided again, it’s living back into that phrase. So what advice would you have to somebody who is getting started on this journey, something that they could do today to get started?

Missy

I think you need to sort of figure out what your goals may be. You know, do you want to be happy or wait? Because I’m not a big fan of like weight loss. That word drives me nuts. I like happy weight because what makes me happy may not make somebody else happy. So for you personally, I’d like you to be at a happy weight. I would like you to come to me, because that’s what I do with my clients, like what top five things are you hoping to achieve?

You know, happy weight, more energy, better sleep, better control of my diet. And when I mean diet, meaning I’m not eating enough vegetables, I’m not eating enough fruits, that sort of thing. And then also, a lot of them need to know the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is fleeting. It doesn’t last very long. So I want my clients to be more joy seekers. What will bring you joy? Would it be chasing your grandkids without being winded? Would it be climbing, you know, Swapeek with your husband? You know, what would bring you joy? Not happiness.

Happiness, I can give you happiness in a heartbeat. I can bring you your favorite drink and you’ll be happy. I need longevity. I need the long game. I need the joy. So if you really want to start, you just need to pick a few things in your life that we can self-correct, that we can create into beautiful habits. You know, people think they don’t have morning habits or evening habits. They do. By not thinking you have them, I guarantee you have them. They may not be good habits, but you have habits. So just think, if you can tweak a couple things in your life, and then it’s like a domino effect. Once you build up that momentum, and you build up that confidence, and you build up that energy, the sky’s the limit, girl. It’s the limit.

Ryann

Oh my gosh, so good. So where can everybody find you?

Missy

So my Instagram is missygaspard, G-A-S-P-A-R-D, coaching, and it’ll give you all the good stuff. Now I don’t separate my coaching from my personal life just because I believe in order to be well, I need to give you everything. I can’t just give you the good days or that happy, beautiful kale salad that I made. I have to give you my shit show. I have to give you my raising teenage boys. Like, are you kidding me? You have to see where I travel, you have to see if I’m feeling a little blue, you have to see my tools, you have to see within my toolbox. That would give you a full, you know, sort of holistic view into my life. I don’t separate my wellness from my personal life, they go hand in hand. So you’re going to see a little bit of everything on my Instagram account.

And you can post my website, and then I will always do any kind of one-on-one calls with people if they need anything. And I give out a lot of free information because my goal wasn’t really to make a huge business out of my coaching. I really just wanted to change lives.

Ryann

Yeah, so if you guys are looking for someone amazing for your Instagram feed that raw, vulnerable, has the fitness, nutrition, everything balanced. Missy is a must. She’s just such a delight. So thank you so much for chatting with us today and sharing all of that and sharing all your knowledge and just everything about who you are. I mean, you are goals. I mean, I hope that I am as well-rounded and energized and mindful of life when I am at that stage.

So if you were a coffee drink, what would you be?

Missy

Okay, so I’m all about transformations in life, okay, and about growth. So if you would have asked me this question two years ago, I would have been a Starbucks cinnamon dolce latte, okay, full of sugar, not so much coffee, caffeinated every day by 8.30 in my hand heading to my corporate office. Now, as I grew and got educated with nutrition and what was good for my body, I am now a cold brew girl and I make my own homemade vanilla oat milk at home. So I am a completely different coffee drinker. So when you talk about transforming your life, everything in your life changes. When you level up, including your coffee.

Ryann

I love it. I love it. And we’ll have to connect, and maybe I’ll add in the show notes too, a little extra about your new homemade nut milk thing going on right now, because it’s awesome.

Missy

No, that’s so cool. Okay, my love, thanks for everything.

Ryann

Of course, of course.

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