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Episode Transcript

Ryann

Well, all right, everybody. I have someone so special for our podcast today. Actually, my very first client. My very first client coming on to share her story of overcoming disordered eating, making peace with food in less than a year, after years and years of battling it. So she’s coming on to share everything that she went through to really give you guys hope in this journey, make you not feel alone in this journey. And, uh, yeah. So Melissa, thank you so much for coming on.

Melissa

Oh, thank you. I’m so excited. I have been looking forward to this for a week, weeks, weeks, weeks. I know it’s been one of those things that it was like, oh, we got to keep pushing back, but finally it’s happening. This is like the per, like, this was the time, like if it was before it, we, this was like the right time.

Ryann

Yeah. Well, since I mean, nobody knows you, I would love to hear whatever you’re open sharing, like just an overview of your history with food. Like tell us like, when it started, when you realized like it was kind of a problem, and then what your kind of like rock bottom turning moment was where you were like, I need to do something different.

Melissa

Yeah. So, honestly, I can’t remember the age it started. It’s almost for like, as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl, we used to go to restaurants and I would eat so much at the restaurants and then I’d be in the parking lot getting sick. And I remember that and my parents telling me, oh, you know, the food just doesn’t sit with you. Or, you know, like there would just be some kind of weird thing. And I would just think, well, this is weird. Like, but I would overeat. And I remember, like, I remember the feeling and like how full I felt. And then I think the biggest time, like that I can remember when I was 11. I was 11 and I remember like literally in my kitchen and my chore growing up was cleaning the kitchen. And I remember just eating through the cabinets because it was just me time, no one could watch me eat and I would just eat everything. And I remember just starting to pack on weight, starting at around, I guess, 11.

And I remember, you know, my mom saying something, like my mom, honestly, I think hers came out of just a place of fear because she has diabetes and she would tell me, you know, you’re gaining all this weight and you, you know, let’s start Weight Watchers together, let’s do this together, let’s, I think my first ever diet was Beachbody. And I remember her losing like 10 pounds off of it and her like telling me how proud of me she was. And I was just sitting there going, oh great. And then that was just, it was diet after diet after diet. I mean, you name it, I’ve done it. Pills, diets, and it just became this thing where I would just binge and gain weight and feel horrible about myself. But the only times that I would lose weight was when I was starving myself. When I was in high school, I was 18. And all of a sudden I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks.

And these anxiety and panic attacks started when I was 18 and they lasted 24 seven for four months. And I couldn’t eat anything but pretzels and ginger ale. And we went to the doctors and I had a really crappy doctor who just was like, well, this is just, you know, you should just fix it yourself. Like I’m not gonna give you any medication. And they did every test and it was just, well, this is just anxiety. There’s nothing wrong with your stomach, like ultrasounds, everything. And I lost weight to what my BMI says, I wish I hate the BMI. And I was like, oh, I’m at, you know, I think it was like one 45 and like, I’m where I’m supposed to be. And I was miserable. I was absolutely miserable because I starved myself to that weight. And then I think when I gained actually just a little bit more and I was like at this zone, I was feeling really positive about myself. And then I went to college and there was lots of circumstances where I was in a really, really bad relationship.

I was really stressed. I was incredibly depressed. During college, I went through a major point of depression where I was even having, you know, I think for a couple of weeks, I was having suicidal thoughts. And that actually turned out to be a hormone imbalance. And once they remedicated me and fixed everything, I was like, okay, yes, I’m suffering from depression, but it’s not that bad. It was just this huge fury storm of hormones. Then I just gained even more weight in college because I was binging. No one could control my food. No one was watching me. No one was telling me, oh, look at this, you’re gaining weight. Look at this. I remember even being told certain boyfriends broke up with me because of my weight, which I don’t think is true.

Ryann

Absolutely not.

Melissa

And honestly, I struggled with it much of my marriage to the point that my husband saw, I’ll never forget one diet I did had me weighing myself every day and then shaming me when I wasn’t losing a pound a day. And once they did that, I lost all trust in them and actually ghosted them. I was like, nope, we’re not talking about this. And my husband looked at me and he was like, no, you’re done. You’re not doing this anymore. And he actually hid the scale for a while. And then I lost so much weight doing keto and I got pregnant, but I was also in a zone where I wasn’t eating. So I actually don’t even think it was the keto. I think it was, I stopped eating and I lost so much weight, but I was, I look at pictures and I’m like, I look sick.

And my husband’s like, yeah, you did, but I didn’t want to tell you. He’s like, I was worried. And I was just trying to be that positive person for you. But yeah. And honestly, now I am actually at a pretty content place. Like I think it was after my last daughter was born, Hazel, I came to you. I found you on, I found you on TikTok. And I was like, wait, there’s such a thing as binge eating. I didn’t know what I was doing. And I know this is a little all over the place, but I’m trying to go through the timeline. And that was my wake up call was, wait, I can get help for this. This doesn’t have to like, and I always thought I have to go on the next diet. I have to do this, I have to do that. To find out that there was a different way was the game changer, was the rock bottom. And it was just, this is everything. So yeah. And now I’m in a much, much better place.

Ryann

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. And you know what I appreciate about your story is not only that you are so transparent in the fact that you tried everything, but the fact that like you are able to openly acknowledge that you were in that smaller body and you got to the weight and you were miserable and like taking an honest look and being like, is that really the answer? Is that really the root of the problem? And like really getting down to what is actually going on and like feeling peace around food and getting to this place where it’s like, I can just, like you just said, I can just have honey buns in the fridge and I forget about them and it is amazing.

So I wanna know like from you, so first of all, because you were one of my first and with my one-to-one gals, I always do a diet timeline where I have my girls write out their whole history. So Melissa just gave like a very, very glyph notes version of that. Four pages, front and back. So I want to know, like, after you wrote that out and like we talked through it and you read it to me and like looking at that history, like what did that bring up for you?

Melissa

It was very eye-opening. It was honestly the hardest thing I ever had to write. And I think I rewrote it four times because I was like, wait, I forgot this and I forgot that. And it was just realizing, I think it was realizing where everything was coming from. And I’m like, wait a minute, I’m not binging for no reason. I have reasons. I just have, I learned a bad coping mechanism for anxiety or stress or depression. Also just, this is how you’re supposed to be this smaller thing and you’re unhealthy. And coming from a place where I’m just like, every time my weight was up, I’m a sick person. No, I mean, I’ve gone to the doctor, they all, and this always ticks me off is, but also makes me laugh at the same time is every time they do my blood pressure, they look at me with like this shock, look like your blood pressure is amazing. I’m like, yeah, I mean, yes, you know, like I’m, I am healthy. I take care of myself, but I don’t have to be according to what they say. And I actually have been finding doctors who are much more better with it and a little less, you know, rude about it.

Ryann

Yeah. Yeah. So from there, I mean, one of the very first things we work on is just allowing food and eating more. And so with you beginning to bring in those real meals and add in veggies and have your kiddos eat veggies and enjoy them with you, I mean, what was that beginning experience like for you?

Melissa

From a family perspective, it changed everything with my oldest. So I have two girls, they are five and 18 months. Now the 18 month old just eats whatever I give her. She’s the greatest eater. She will try anything. My five year old, she didn’t kind of start growing with this and I would limit her. I would be like, okay, no, that’s not a healthy choice. That’s not a healthy option. And now I’m just like, whatever, dude. You want just mash, she said to me tonight, she goes, I don’t want the broccoli. I’m like, you don’t have to have the broccoli. You can have the mashed potatoes and the chicken. But ever since she tries new food, like she now was eating no vegetables when we first started and all she wanted was chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese, which is every kid at her age. But now she loves carrots. And she loves broccoli that my mother-in-law makes, even though we make it the exact same way.

Ryann

What does she do to it?

Melissa

It’s just steamed.

Ryann

Oh.

Melissa

It’s just steamed broccoli. We both make it the exact same way. Like for me, we have a very busy schedule. So I’ll shove like a bag of the steam stuff in the microwave and cut it up for for Hazel and Lorelai will be like, I’m not eating that. And then I’m like, your grandmother made it the same way yesterday and you ate everything of it. She goes, it’s not grandma’s. Like, you ate broccoli. It counts. It counts.

Ryann

She’s hearing, she knows, she knows what’s up. That’s hilarious. That’s hilarious. So I know that like something that was very important for you as well, like growing up in, you know, the diet world and like learning that very early on to change the story for your daughters. Like, how did you use that as one of your fundamental why’s and like-

Melissa

I didn’t want them to grow up hearing, mommy hates her body and diets. And I’m going to just try this diet. I’m going to try to eat healthy. I, you know, I wanted them to grow up hearing positive. I watch my siblings. I have younger siblings, as you know, I have a 13, 14, 15, oh 14, he’s 15. I have a 15 year old brother, a 13 year old sister. And when I look at her, I see a lot of me, just in a lot of things that she goes through. And I just, you know, to be that example, like I talked to her and I’m like, mm-mm, intuitive eating.

One of my nieces is 16 and she is a very curvy body type where her sister is very, you know, a whole different body type and she would be like, I want to be like my sister. I’m like, yes, but that’s not how God made you. You know, you are perfect the way you are. And she came to me talking about how she struggles with binge eating. And I’m like, honey, you’re okay. You are struggling with this because this is your coping mechanism. And I’m just, I’m able to, it’s made such a massive impact in my family that they’re like, wait, that exists? With my children, with my nieces, everyone who like in our tight circle, because sometimes it feels like a village.

Ryann

Yeah, and I love that you’re able to share that and be open with her and have that conversation because I know for me as well, like for so long I was like, I’m just like doing this crazy thing with food and like, I don’t know why or I don’t know what it’s coming from. And then all of a sudden I was able to connect it to an actual thing and I was like, oh my gosh, like somebody else does this and it’s not just me and I’m not crazy, like it’s a legitimate thing. And I think that sometimes even just knowing that can be helpful in being like, if there is like somebody else going through this, but also like there is like a real like definition to it, then there has to be a way out. There has to be a way out.

Melissa

I mean, my husband, he’s my biggest supporter and I had to kind of reteach him because he’s seen me do diets. So he’s like, I’m just going with what she does. If I say anything, she will eat me. But now he looks at me and if he sees a binge, you know, starting to occur, or he sees me stocking something or something like that, he actually will come to me, he goes, how are you feeling today? Are things okay? Like emotionally and kind of talks me off the ledge a little.

Ryann

What did you share with him to get him to ask you that? I love that.

Melissa

Honestly, it took a lot of time of saying, you know, no, there is no more diets. This doesn’t exist anymore. And it just took him to seeing a lot of that. But we also talk about everything. I mean, absolutely everything. And there’s like our communications. What I love about me and my husband is we’re best friends first. And that, like we talk about everything. Uh, sometimes I’m like, this is like having a best girlfriend sometimes. And it took me 30 years to find a best friend who I could share everything with and, and to find that safety net in that now I’m actually letting other girl friends in and I’m just like, I love you. Then my biggest supporter, and he also sees it in how he can teach our girls. Cause he’s picked up on the cues, I guess. Like I think it was just watching, you know, he’s just watches and he kind of learned, all right, she’s no longer going to bite my head off about food. Now that she’s in a healthier place. And now I can just be an encourager rather than, Hey, why are you talking about diets and rawr, rawr, rawr.

Ryann

Yeah. So I don’t know for you, like, because I know that in the beginning, like, weight loss was something that was on your mind, like, very early on, that was something that, you know, as always, I’m like, I don’t ask you to get rid of that desire. We’re just throwing it on the weight. I mean, on the back burner. What do you feel like helped you realize that, like, as long as I pursue intentional weight loss, like, I’m going to continue repeating the same thing over and over. And like, I have to let go of that. Like, how did you like get to this place where it’s like, just for right now, I need to let go to a place where it’s like, wait a minute, now I’ve changed everything.

Melissa

Honestly, it was trying to go back to dieting because there were times where I’d be like, I have an event, I have to look good, I have to do this. And I tried to go back to keto actually a couple of times and it made me sick. And then I was like, I’m so hungry. And it was just, it was like, this doesn’t feel like, it’s like the curtains pulled back. So you can’t go back because you know, cause I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that there was something freeing, that there was something better. And I, every time, and I’m not gonna lie, I have tried to go back to diets a couple of times. Calorie deficit, keto were the only two I would go back to because they were the only things I had knowledge of. And I would start and literally half a day in being like, this doesn’t feel right.

And I don’t like this. And you know what? No. And I do know my, like right now I do know that I have had some weight loss by a scale because I went to a doctor recently and, and I didn’t care. Like it was the first time that I was like, cool, well now I know why things have been a little looser. And then when I realized that, wow, my blood pressure is fantastic and this is amazing and they’re telling me my blood works great and all of that, then I’m like, I’m okay. Yeah, sometimes I may overeat, but I’m in a place where I haven’t, I can’t remember the last time I binged. I can remember when I overeat a little, but I can’t remember the last time I binged.

Ryann

Right, because you’re a human being and we all overeat, right? Like that’s never the goal, but that is.

Melissa

My girl did tonight. She came to get food and mom’s getting it done for her.

Ryann

Because food is delicious. I want to know, like, what are some other things that you’ve gained in recovery? Like some things that you’ve gotten back, some things that you have now, some things that you do now that just like was things that you couldn’t even imagine.

Melissa

The way I do movement is I only do things that I really love and they changes. And so right now I’m in a season of walking or I like Zumba. Actually me and my husband, we have this thing called that I bought him for Christmas last year. It’s a little dance class called show her off. And it was meant to be a date night and we started doing it last night and we were looking at each other and we’re like, wow, this is kind of a workout. And I’m like, this is fun.

Ryann

I love that.

Melissa

We were learning how to like dance and them teaching us how to dip was a complete, like I fell a lot or I was dropped a lot. But it was fun and I was like, hey, this stuff is fun. And I guess I’ve just found this freedom where I’m like, I don’t have to do anything I hate anymore. I don’t have to eat anything I hate like and I don’t have to get rid of anything. Water, you know drinking water is difficult for me but I add lemon to it. But now I no longer feel shame with my iced tea which will never be gone.

Ryann

Never.

Melissa

Love sweet tea and I’m like as long as I’m hydrated and taking care of myself in that point, I’m good. And I just, I feel like I’ve just, I can breathe, like there’s not a weight, there’s not a, okay, onto the next diet. I’m not, I guess I’m not researching the next diet because I would spend hours and hours researching, mostly on Pinterest. And, and just knowing that there’s a different way is just relieving, I guess. And then there was just one thing, like, cause you know, I actually found somebody to talk to and she is my cousin. And we talk about intuitive eating a lot cause she studied it before for her health. And we talk about it from a faith perspective.

And she’s like, God didn’t create our bodies to diet. And that was a huge, and I think that was right around the time that I started with you. And I was like, wait a minute, that’s kind of true. And there’s just, I think there’s a new appreciation cause I’m doing things that I wasn’t able to, like, I don’t want to say able to do that I didn’t do before. I was afraid to go out. I was afraid to wear that bathing suit. The very first couple of weeks with you, we went to a water park.

Ryann

Tell me, I love this story.

Melissa

I couldn’t find my bathing suit. And it was my maternity bathing suit because I was pregnant and that one made me feel comfortable because it was just this giant skirt thing that covered me everywhere. And I was like, well, I’m gonna have to get a bathing suit. And I had no idea what size I am or anything. So I kind of just guessed, but there were two suits. And I knew that there was one suit I looked at that I was like, okay, this is going to just kind of cover me up. But this one’s so pretty! It’s got flowers and red and… So I got the flowers and the red. Yes, it was a little size too small, but I went into that water park and I was like, I love this.

And yes, I had to pull up the bottom because it was a little too tight, but I was like, I don’t care. I’m playing with my… let’s see, Hazel had to who have been six, seven months, maybe eight months. She was little and not crawling. And I was just snuggling and she fell asleep on me. And I’m like, I don’t care. I’m with my kids. My daughter can do this big water slide and she’s loving it. And I’m like, I don’t care. And someone actually came up and complimented me on their swimsuit. And it made me feel so good that there was this one woman in a swimsuit at the next time we went, that I made a point to be like, I love your swimsuit. Like you have no idea. And just to see that light coming off of her, like it’s just kind of like spreading what I felt to someone else too.

Ryann

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Tell me about the first time. So if you haven’t heard already, Melissa’s thing was honey buns. Like she was like, my goal, right? And like, my goal is to be able to have honey buns in the house and like forget about them essentially. So tell me when you like realized that you had honey buns in your house for a minute and you got to that point.

Melissa

Two weeks ago, we got sick, as you know, we got the virus and we were down. Well, I was down, but my husband, he was just a little bit, he was fine. And I remember coming out of there and going into the fridge and I’m like, oh, I’m hungry. I’m like, wait a minute. I’ve had these honey buns in here since three weeks before we got sick. So I’m like, and so they’re in the fridge, so they’re still good, right? And I was like, wow, it’s still a full box. Like there’s only one or two gone. And then they stayed in there for at least another week and a half until I finished off, me and my daughter finished off the last two. And I was like, I’ve never been able to do that ever. Even my husband said today, like he was like, oh, you got another box of Honey Buns today. I said, yeah. He goes, that other one was in there a long time. I’m like, right?

Ryann

Oh my gosh. I love that so much. I want to know, like, for anyone that is struggling right now, anyone that is scared to reach out, anyone who is just like in that place of hopelessness, like what would you have to say to them, like from where you were to where you are now?

Melissa

I would want to say that if you are trying to recover from binge eating, and if you are trying to stop dieting, it’s real and you can. This isn’t another, you know, to learn intuitive eating, to learn to listen to your body is not going to be your very fast, immediate results, but it’s going to be life changing. And you’re going to get your life back. You’re going to get you back your heart back. It’s going to, it took me 30 years. I wish I could go to that little girl who was 11 crying in her room because she had just binged or she was, you know, she had a little tiny belly fat. I’m sorry, when you’re 11, you have a, you would still have baby fat. I wish I could say that it is normal to be gaining weight at this point. It is normal to have curves, to be a different body type.

You’re not going to look like, you know, you’re not going to look like the celebrities because let’s face it, they live in toxic diet culture. That is what even makes them money. But, it’s my little soap box, but it exists and it’s real. And it’s not just another diet. It’s not another thing that, oh, you know, I’m going to fail at this. You’re going to have step backs and you’re going to have step forwards because recovery is not a linear straight up path. It’s steps, it’s up, it’s down, it’s up and down, but you’re never going to be back to where you started. You’re never going to be back in the beginning. You’re always going to be a step forward and taking just, honestly, the very first thing, if you’re like struggling and you’re like, I can’t do this. The very first thing is just to reach out.

All you have to do is that one baby step. Don’t focus on the whole picture. Focus on one baby step and the next baby step and the next baby step. And it’s okay to start where you’re like, you know what? I can’t throw out my scale yet. That’s okay. It’s okay to be like, shoot, I’m two weeks in and I binged. That’s okay. That’s a two weeks that’s gone by that you haven’t binged, but it’s also two weeks that’s gone by that you have a new knowledge and you’re learning. You’re learning, you’re growing, and that’s what it’s supposed to be. This is how it was always supposed to be. It’s just, we’ve gotten so surrounded by so much crap. Honestly, it’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to stress yourself and it’s okay to do something new because you never heard of this before. And it’s not a scam. It’s not another scam. It’s not another diet. It is, it’s absolute freedom and learning about yourself. It’s completely brand new learning about who you really are.

Ryann

Yeah. Oh, beautiful. So freaking beautiful. And I love how you say, you know, it is taking steps forward and even one step down is still one step forward. And I think that that is one of those things where it’s like, it can feel really defeating, but like recognizing how long we’ve been struggling on the other side for and giving ourselves some grace that like, we’re completely rewiring what we’ve been, you know, drilling into our heads for so long and it’s gonna take time. It’s gonna take time.

Melissa

I mean, we go through the checkout and I never understood this until I became a parent, but I see all the magazines. And I remember my grandmother used to send me subscriptions of magazines and I thought they were cool. I remember pulling out pieces of them and having huge stacks of workouts and diets and here’s your new makeup tip to make your face look thinner and stuff like that. And I remember my one friend’s mother said to me, oh, I don’t let my daughter have those magazines. And I thought, well, that’s silly. Well, now I’m like, they’re never entering my house because why would I want to put that on my kids? Yeah. Why would I want that? That’s not a lesson that I want to teach them. And by the time that, you know, they’re ready to be able to, you know, Hey, I want a magazine. Well, by that point, they’re going to be ready to say, Hmm, that’s not normal.

Ryann

Right.

Melissa

Hey, because of, you know, how I taught them from a young age, which I love. We do this thing in our house and this is what I love is we bless our children and we have learned that there is power of life and death in the tongue, basically. Your words have power. And so we want to establish an identity that’s not relied about, you’re so cute. And you’re gaining weight or you’re, maybe you want to work out or something like that. We want to establish who they are as who they are. So Lorelai, she’s creative. She’s got this huge, amazing imagination. She’s so kind.

She can come up with these amazing stories and we tell them that all the time. Even the baby, we like, you know, she’s little, but her name is Hazel Joy for a reason. She is the most joyful child I’ve ever seen in my life. And I really think that just constantly taking that as their identity versus the way they look, something that’s gonna last a lifetime for them. And I hope that they pass on, should they ever have children themselves. It’s just something of, we wanna recognize that who they look is not their identity.

Ryann

You get to change their story.

Melissa

Exactly, exactly. And we raise them very differently than how we were raised. Not saying how we were raised is wrong. It’s just that everyone was taught wrong and now we get to break all these generational cycles and generational curses and just be like, it’s not how this future next generation is going to be and that’s not how we’re going to live. I even do that with Sam. Actually, I taught Sam intuitive eating because he was losing so much weight that it was becoming a problem. I actually took him to the doctor and we found out he was losing weight because he had anxiety. And it was just, okay, you know what, let’s balance some things out.

And I was just like, what do you want to eat? Seriously, what do you want to eat? Don’t focus on the doctor saying you have to eat this many calories. I’m saying, listen, but prepare, prepare to know, like he now takes his favorite is peanut butter and honey because we can have peanut butter in the house again. Thank God for healing of nut allergies. But he takes a peanut butter and honey sandwich and I looked at him the one day I’m like you’re just eating that? He goes no this is my afternoon snack. And he pulls out this big bag he’s like this is my food. I’m like yes!

Ryann

I love that! I’m like my cheeks hurt from smiling. I’m just so proud of you and I also, you know, it’s always been such a joy to work with you and it’s been so cool to see you grow and change and I mean it hasn’t even been a year like I can’t even imagine next Thanksgiving where you’re going to be at.

Melissa

We’re doing Thanksgiving just us this year too.

Ryann

Oh, so nice.

Melissa

I’m actually amazed because I never really fully sat down and thought, whoa, where have I come from? So as I’m talking, I’m like, oh, cool.

Ryann

Yeah, it’s so good to reflect. So I also would love for you to share because something that I always put out there a lot for anyone that reaches out to chat with me to get on a consultation call or work with me. I’m very much like I want to make sure that my vibe fits what you are looking for because I went to therapists before I found one that worked for me and I just like it wasn’t that they gave me different information or wrong information I just am such a firm believer in energies. And so I would love to know from you, like when you were looking for someone, like what you liked about me and my approach, like what was it that drew you to this goodness?

Melissa

You know, it was just something in your voice. Like there was just, there was a joy there. And you didn’t mind that I talked. Cause sometimes I can talk a lot because I don’t talk to adults all day long. So I tend to over talk. And I don’t know, it was, I’m a feeler. I go with my gut in everything. And I truly, truly think that that’s just kind of a gift from God that, you know, he’s just like, this is how I created you. You’re a feeler, go with it. And it’s just, it was my gut and I’ve never been wrong. And there was just a feeling and I just knew, I think from the very first video, because I found you on TikTok and you came up and you were the very first person ever in my entire life that even addressed binge eating. I didn’t even know anything about intuitive eating until I got on the call with you.

And then because my husband trusts my gut so much, I went to him and, cause I remember it was like, okay, well, here’s the cost. I have to talk about it with my husband and I’ll get back to you. And I think I got back to you within like 45 minutes because it was our time to talk. And I gave him, like, I wrote all this stuff out. And I think when I handed him the list, he goes, what do you feel? I’m like, this is good. He’s like, okay, cool. And he crumpled up the list and goes, do it. And I mean, so it’s just, I just knew like, there was just a guy and, and I totally agree with you because I’ve done a lots of different therapies over my life. I love, I love counseling because I am a firm believer since I was in high school that sometimes you like, it’s like a car, you always need to go in for a tune up sometimes.

Ryann

Oh yeah.

Melissa

I think there’s also that aspect of I knew what wasn’t going to work for me. And I just knew that you weren’t going to shame me for messing up or anything you you know I remember texting sometimes be like, I want to binge, and then you’d be like, Okay, what’s going on, what’s the situation, and I would vent about something and you’re like, okay, let’s talk it out. And then you would kind of just talk me down. And, or if I came to you and be like, yeah, I binged, I would be so ready for that, you know, discipline, hammer put down, how could you do that? Or ready for you to kind of chastise me. And it would never come. And I would just be like, oh, she’s not like, she’s not going to do this. I’m safe. That was it. I just felt safe. And yeah.

Ryann

My heart, my heart. Okay. I’m dying. I know I could talk with you forever, but for purposes of time, my last question for you, just because this is the Food Freedom Lab, what does food freedom mean to you?

Melissa

Honestly, it’s a breath of fresh air. It’s, I don’t have a weight on me. And it’s a knowledge that there is something out there that isn’t a diet. Well, I don’t want to say that isn’t a diet. I want to say that dieting is crap. And-

Ryann

New T-shirt.

Melissa

Yes, dieting is crap. And, you know, unless you have to be on like a special diet for health, even then I think you can follow some kind of intuitive eating kind of thing. But it’s just the realization that we were not created to diet. This was never supposed to be our life. And it’s just, like to be able to breathe again. Like I remember what it felt like a year ago. I felt this weight on my back and now I don’t have it anymore. I can just, I don’t know, I’m happy. And I’m happy. And from the perspective of being a mom, knowing that I’m not gonna pass this to my kids, I think is even more freedom in knowing that I’m never gonna hurt them in that way.

I mean, yeah, I’m gonna say stupid things and there’ll be a therapy someday going, my mom said this and I released them for that, you know, because I’m never gonna be perfect, but it’s never gonna come from me. If they learn anything from diets, it’s not going to come from me. And I’m able to create that safe space that they can come to me and be like, let’s talk. It’s freedom. It’s knowing that I’m done. It’s done with my family and it’s gone.

Ryann

Yeah. Oh my God, so good. Well, Melissa, thank you so much for coming on, for your vulnerability, for sharing that. Like, I know for me, for so long, I was just looking for somebody to tell me, you’re not crazy, you’re not alone. Like, I do what you do too, or I did what you did too. And so, you just being able to share your story, I know it’s gonna touch so many people.

Melissa

And that’s what drew me to you I was like you’re just she’s just like me. That was it.

Ryann

So good oh my gosh that was amazing thank you so much.