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Hello everybody. Welcome back to the Food Freedom Lab. I have another episode with Lisa today. And today what we are going to be splitting and unpacking is eating alone versus eating with others. So on my podcast today, we’re going to be chatting about eating alone, how to be comfortable eating alone, how to have it be a very pleasurable experience.
And then on Lisa’s podcast, the Fully Fueled Life Podcast, we are going to be diving into getting comfortable eating in a social setting, which I know can be really hard when you’re starting to heal your relationship with food and dealing with the distraction and also eating different foods that maybe you don’t have full control over and all that good stuff.
So we’re going to chat about how to get comfortable eating alone first, and then hop on over to her podcast, and we will dive into all of that social eating stuff. So, Lisa, I’m curious, growing up, like I feel like this is always where I like to start. What was the environment eating like in your home? Because I feel like that kind of primes for how you eat growing up.
Oh, 100%. So my family was adamant about having family dinner probably five to six nights a week. Like during the school week, we had family dinner. We all sat down at the table. The TV was not on. Maybe there was like background music, maybe. But we had that constant. And then the weekends were, you know, a little bit different. But I would say like Sunday through Thursday, we ate at the dinner table as a family. Obviously growing up, you’re eating lunch at school, so that’s different. But we also had breakfast during the school year and like during that school time together, more times than not.
It depended on, you know, like, did I sleep in? Am I gonna be late? Do I need to grab something? But my mom was really good about having something out. So she might have like fruit laid out so I could grab it because she was getting breakfast or dinner or whatever ready for the other members of my family.
And did you guys go out to eat a lot or a normal amount? Not at all?
I would say a normal amount. Growing up it was hard because I feel like my brother and I were always going in opposite directions with like sports and you know, I would have something and as soon as my sport ended it felt like his started. So if we went out to dinner, it was usually on the weekends. It was never during the week just because timing wise it didn’t really work out. But I would say a normal amount. It was still something that I was like, ooh, we’re going out to eat, but it wasn’t so rare that it was this really, really special thing. It was just kind of a semi-special thing, I guess.
So when you started on the diet train and started controlling your food a little bit more, what happened with social eating, because obviously that was something that was just kind of normalized, you were comfortable with, maybe it was exciting, but not anything to go crazy about. What happened?
I became the food police. It’s very fitting. My mom always jokes, we knew you were gonna become a dietitian because I was so overbearing about what we were having. Is there a vegetable? There has to be a vegetable. I had all these rules, we just had red meat last night, we can’t have it again. And I would voice them and it caused a lot of friction, even eating at home, there was a lot of frictions. There was a lot of like family blow ups because I was instigating my thoughts, my diet culture rules onto the rest of the family.
And they weren’t really on the same page. And I also feel like I went from not caring, not caring to like this 180 switch of all of a sudden I was like absolutely no there’s all these you know quote unquote bad things that we shouldn’t have and I can’t eat that. So I feel like it was more of a whoa what just happened and they were thrown off more than I was.
So then did you spend a lot of time eating alone?
Surprisingly no because my mom was very adamant that we all sat down as a family at the dinner table. She goes, this is what I’m cooking. If you don’t like it, you can make something else for yourself, but you have to bring whatever that is and you have to sit with us. And if you choose not to eat, I don’t care, but you have to sit at that table with us. So I wasn’t allowed to like isolate myself in my room or do something like that. Like I had to sit. And even if I was a miserable, cranky bitch the entire time, I had to sit there more times than not. I’d be like, oh, fine, I’ll have cereal or like would eat something, but I had to be at the table.
We kind of had family dinners, but they weren’t as rigid, but there was definitely never like everybody’s eating at the couch. It was just like you said, I’m coming home from swim practice. My brother is going to his own event. And so it is more so like my mom just grabbed something, we’re eating it in the car when I’m coming home. And so I feel like when I was growing up, it was a lot of just kind of getting it in.
And so there wasn’t a lot of enjoyment around food or just like slowing down and eating food. So I feel like, you know, eating alone, it was always something that I was like, Oh, let me just kind of like get it done, like a task that I’m going to check. And I didn’t realize that outside of going to a restaurant where you like sit down and enjoy it maybe and we’re gonna sit together, it wasn’t a let me just get it done.
Yeah and I feel like when I transitioned into my disordered eating phase, I ate alone more often than not because I removed myself from that social aspect. Like I wouldn’t be going out to dinners with friends, I didn’t want to eat with other people because I wanted to eat the things that I thought I should be eating as quickly as possible because I wanted to get it over with, or I wanted to not have anyone see how little I was eating, or the opposite, when I was more on the binging side, I didn’t want anyone to see how much I was eating because that was fluctuating back and forth so much, I most of the time would always blame it on like, oh I have work to do, or oh, I have schoolwork to do, like when I was in college and in my first job and getting my master’s and all that kind of stuff.
So I would lock myself in my room and eat by myself and always blame it on like, oh, I have so much to do. I can’t take the time to sit out, you know, in the kitchen with you or even on the couch with you because I have to do 17 other things.
What that just made me think about is obviously when I binged, I would do that in secret and do it alone but when I went to college same thing I was very much afraid of eating out and all that kind of stuff that I did eat alone but I also feel like a lot of that was I have always been a I don’t like to say big eater but I don’t know how to like put it another way.
I am too!
When I started dieting one of the biggest things that I kind of fell into was just like giant volume meals. And I remember other people being like, oh my gosh, you’re eating so much. And me being frustrated and being like, yeah, but it’s only X amount of calories. Like, this is just like so much lettuce. Like, what do you mean? Or like, I would get so frustrated when someone would be like, that’s such a big salad. And I’d be like, it’s lettuce, like it’s salad.
And so I feel like because I really was wanting these gigantic meals to obviously fill a void and be really full and numb. I took them by myself because I didn’t want those judgments around how much I was eating because I fell into that volume trap and everything was just like, I just want more, more, more, more, more. Not just like a bag of popcorn, I’m gonna have like air-popped popcorn and I’m going to have like this massive bowl of it and just, you know, eat it, eat it, eat it.
I agree. And I think that’s why I resulted to like isolating myself because I was either trying to eat as little as possible, fall into that like volume, but not necessarily calorie-dense meal, or it was a full-on binge. And I remember like sneaking pints of Ben and Jerry’s like into my room in my apartment and then being like, oh my gosh, I have to hide the evidence and like taking the top of the trash out and like stuffing it down. And that went on so much.
And I think through college and then like after college when I was living with roommates and things like that, it was just so normalized because everyone was on different schedules that most of the time you ate by yourself unless you went out to dinner, like unless you had a planned thing. More times than not, you ate by yourself. So when I was in my eating disorder and disordered eating days, it was just so easy to be like, oh yeah, I already ate lunch, or I already ate dinner, I already ate that meal, so I’m not gonna have it with you. And maybe I did or maybe I didn’t, but it was a very easy lie to tell.
Totally, the lies and just the secretiveness of it, and also the excitement of having that opportunity to eat alone. Like I remember when I went to college and my freshman year when my binging was so out of control. I had one roommate and she went home every single weekend because she lived I went to school in San Diego and she lives in San Diego. So she went home every single weekend.
And I remember just counting down the days and being like, Oh my gosh, I have Friday night, all of Saturday and basically all of Sunday to just eat my room alone and no one’s gonna be here, no one’s gonna see me, no one’s gonna judge it. And I feel like it always started with, yes, like I can be so strict with my diet and not get any comments.
And then it would quickly fall into, oh my gosh, now I’ve gone down the, my school had this candy, like bin thing, and they don’t even have those anymore post COVID. But you know, where it’s like, they have them at Sprouts, where you like open it, like all the different candies, I don’t know what they’re called, but I would create these like massive concoctions and I would sneak over there, do it really fast, and then I would bring it back and I would eat this candy until I was sick. And I remember so much excitement, like she’s not gonna be there, I can just go home alone and I can just have this candy and no one’s gonna judge me, no one’s gonna see it. And then obviously the low, low afterwards. But even that urgency of I’m alone, I gotta take advantage of this time.
Yeah. When do you think eating alone changed? Like when do you think it went from what we just discussed to more of this like normalized experience? Do you think it was like at the beginning of your intuitive eating and like recovery journey? Do you think it was more towards the end? Do you think it’s something that kind of developed as you recovered and time went on?
What’s funny is that when I went into my outpatient treatment, so this was the third time that I had attempted to heal, I was so ready and I was so serious about it that whatever my therapist told me, I like took it almost like too far. So I remember one of her first tasks was whatever you’re eating, no matter whether you’re binging or it’s a snack or it’s candy or if it feels silly, you’re putting it on a plate and you’re bringing it to the table. And so that became obviously coming from rules being type A, that became my new rule. And so I took that almost too far, where obviously I’m not that rigid anymore.
But I started with doing that. And I realized, wait a minute, this actually makes me feel really good. And I’m really enjoying slowing down and experiencing my food. So I almost needed this moment of, okay, this is what I’ve been asked to do and I’m going to start doing it and when I started doing it I realized, wait a minute, given the opportunity to slow down and enjoy my food, why wouldn’t I want to do it this way?
And for so long I’ve said that food is my only source of pleasure but I’m not getting any pleasure from it because I’m not tasting it, I’m not experiencing it, I’m not enjoying it. And so as I started doing this practice, I realized, wait a minute, when I taste my food and when I notice what I’m actually having, this is a really great experience. But also I learned that it was really helpful to kind of break up my day where one thing didn’t just spiral into the next. It was I’m removing myself, I am removing food from all these other tasks that I’m doing so it can be a task in and of itself that I can enjoy and then move on.
So I think even that too, realizing that the more that I had food be its own thing, it didn’t mend into all my other activities and I started to think about it less.
Yeah, I agree. For me, I think getting comfortable eating by myself and not in a way that was restrictive or bingey or really anything related to like diet culture and dieting, that was last for me. Like, it took a lot of time. There was a lot of time where I would still sit down and eat it on a plate, but I’d be sitting in front of the TV and totally distracted. And then I would still sit down, have it on a plate, have the TV on in the background, but be sitting at, like, my bar top. So like, the TV was on, and it like slowly changed and morphed, but it took a really long time.
It’s also hard when you live by yourself. Most of this time I was living by myself, so it’s not like, oh, I just eat lunch by myself and then I have dinner, you know, with my roommate or with my partner. It was like, no, you eat every single meal, every single day, by yourself, unless you go out. And I’m still at the point now where I do not like eating at a restaurant by myself. Like, it just makes me, I don’t know.
I think that I could eat at the bar by myself, but like getting a full table by myself, I know, same. Which is so funny, because I have no problem eating at the table by myself here. I do it all the time, I do it throughout the workday. And I don’t even know that it’s necessarily fear of judgment anymore. Yeah, I don’t really know what it is.
I don’t know either. Cause there’s been times where I’ll like eat by myself or I always go to the bar and I usually bring something. Like I’m usually scrolling on my phone or like reading a book or something because I think it is a little, maybe it’s fear of judgment.
You know what I think it is now that I’m thinking about it is that when I make a meal here at home it is I’m making the meal in the kitchen and then I am sitting down and I’m eating it where there’s a lot of idle time when you’re at a restaurant and if it was I sit down at the table my meal’s already there I’m eating it and I go like I feel like that would be a very different experience but it’s almost the if I’m trying to enjoy my own company sitting here when I don’t have the food yet, or I’m waiting for the waiter or waitress and not going on my phone.
And that kind of brings it back to how do I just sit with myself and be, which I feel like we have really lost sight of just in our culture of go, go, go, go, go and hustle and all of that.
Oh, I agree. I used to, I still do, but I used to call them like unplugged walks. I would purposely go on a walk because I mean, during COVID it was like hot girl walk era. I was just doing that all the time. I was like, I need to get out of my apartment. I need to, you know, do something, see different people, different walls. And I got really reliant on like going on a walk, listening to a podcast, constantly having my earbuds in. So I would purposely schedule unplugged walks to be comfortable. Like, yeah, I’m still walking.
I’m not like sitting at a restaurant or something, but I had to like purposely make myself not bring my headphones and like maybe listen to the birds or like be more aware of my surroundings. And I think that’s when it kind of hit me. And it all comes full circle. Cause it’s like you said, it’s just being more comfortable with yourself and taking that time to maybe sit by yourself and sit in an environment or with something that would make you uncomfortable. And I think eating alone is that something for a lot of people.
Yeah, yeah, because everything is slowing down. I also think that it can become habitual like when you were saying when I was in college like I had a lot of time by myself or I had alone time after I’d come out of treatment so my junior and senior year I lived with roommates who sat at the table to eat. So that was just kind of something that we did together.
And then after college, I lived with one of my best friends and her lifestyle was we sit at the table to eat. And then when I started dating my current husband, he was the same, like we just sit at the table to eat. And I definitely think that it would be a lot more difficult if I was living with someone who ate on the couch. And then I was like, No, I want to eat at the TV. And I think that that’s tough too. And I think, you know, when I asked you, how were you brought up…
Because if you were brought up always eating on the couch, then, you know, that is just what’s normal to you. That’s just what you’re used to. And then eating at the table might feel really funky versus the other way around. I grew up eating at the table and then, you know, all my friends ate at the table. And then now eating on the couch feels really funky.
Yeah, it’s funny, because my boyfriend’s like a mixture. He loves to sit on the couch when we eat dinner. And that is like a hill I will die on, because I’m like, we’re sitting at the table every now and then, like if it’s, say it’s like Friday and we order pizza and we’re like, oh, we’re gonna watch a movie. Like, okay, sure, we’ll go. He has this coffee table, this sounds so dorky, but it like rises up. So it is table height. So like I bring plates and I put the placemats down and the plates go there. So I’m like trying to make it as normal, mimicking a table eating experience, I should say, as I can.
But he would sit in front of the TV and watch TV and eat every single meal if he could. And I’m always like, come on, we’re going and sitting at the table. So that’s been an adjustment. And then sometimes I find myself doing it when he’s because he’s been gone now for so long, I find myself doing it and I’m like, am I doing this because I’m lonely and I want to fill that like noise or am I just doing this out of routine?
Yeah, or maybe because you miss him and it’s like a, I feel like I’m with him. The thing that I always think when it comes to eating at the TV and when people always ask me like, Ryann, like you don’t have any desire to eat at the TV. This is where my brain goes, and it might just be my brain. My brain goes into, if I’m eating a meal at the TV, I’m not talking to anybody, which means that I’m probably gonna consume this meal faster.
So let’s say, you know, this meal is taking me 10 minutes. Let’s even give it, you know, a little bit of a grace period. Let’s say 15 minutes to eat, but, you know, more likely it’s gonna be 10 minutes if I’m not having a conversation with someone and I’m just eating.
So I’ve set this whole thing up in front of the TV to basically watch the intro, you know, and be like, okay, well now let me, you know, clean everything up because I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t just like have dirty plates right there and then get all relaxed, you know, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that I would need to go clean them, but just having them sit there, Jack would come sniff it. It just, it feels stressful where I’m like, I would so much rather sit at the table, enjoy it, and then we go watch a movie and I get in comfy, and I don’t have to move.
And that’s my argument. I’m like, because my boyfriend wants to clean everything up within 15 minutes. I’m like, we just sat here. I just brought all the things over. Like it feels counterintuitive. And then half the time I’m talking to him while we’re eating because that’s what we do but whatever we’re watching is on so when we’re done eating then I’m like can we restart that episode and he’s like are you kidding me I’m like you know if we just sat at the table we wouldn’t have to do this.
So when you sit at the table by yourself what do you feel like makes it more of an enjoyable experience for you?
I have like my seat. Everyone has their like, you know, not assigned assigned seat. I have my seat and I like that one because my back is actually to the TV. So I don’t have any type of temptation and I didn’t do that on purpose. It just happened to be like where I naturally went to sit.
I turn all the lights on in our little dining room area because it doesn’t have that great of lighting. If you’ve ever seen any Instagram video filmed in my apartment, it is like always so dark. Doesn’t have the greatest lighting, so I always turn those on to make it feel like a little bit more lively. Have to have a plate, silverware, cup, water, something. And then I put my phone in the kitchen, so I’m not like tempted to scroll. That’s really it.
As long as I have like the table setting, the lights are on. Sometimes I’ll play music just so it’s not dead silent in my apartment, but I’ll like play music on my phone or like, you know, connect to the speaker, but I try to leave the phone away, not really as a rule, just as like a reminder that this is 15 minutes tops of your day. Like you can be present, you can enjoy this food, you can sit with yourself, your phone’s still gonna be there or like the Netflix show is still going to be there, like whatever you were working on is still going to be there.
And it at first was a little forced because it’s so different than what I had gotten used to doing like in college and after college. So it took adjustment, but now I’m just at that point where it’s almost like an instinct I just do automatically.
I think it does really become habitual. I definitely have some of the same things. Like if my dining table is chaotic, it’s not gonna make me want to eat there. So even if it is a clear place that makes it super easy, it has gotten to be so hot. I live in Arizona now and we are in a solid like 110, 115. So when things are cooler, I try to bring it outside.
And what I really love is we have an outdoor dining table and I will have Jack come outside and I’ll watch him kind of play as I’m eating and that feels very enjoyable or I’ll pop on some music. I’ll always have music if I’m not on a client call just rolling in the background. So it just like you said it isn’t so quiet or I’ll play a podcast and what I’ve been enjoying lately is sometimes I feel like when you’re in this healing work or even I’m sure you relate to this as a healing professional. It’s so easy to get into. I need to be listening to a self-improvement podcast or a self-improvement book.
And so I’ve been trying to find podcasts that just don’t mean anything, just like comedy podcasts or reality podcasts or things that are just like, this is gonna fry my brain, but I don’t care because it’s just kind of in the background. It makes me laugh. It brings some enjoyment into my meal and at the end of the day, you know I used to say I don’t have time for this like I don’t have time to Slow down and enjoy my meal and what was so ironic about that is that I always had time to binge
Or I always had time, you know to go get binge foods, you know I always had time to punish myself extra long with a workout or I always had time for social media and reminding myself, and I think that this is such a hard truth, is that I don’t have time is a direct translation to this is not a priority. And that doesn’t mean that it’s not important to you, it just means that it’s not a priority.
And so for me, I was like, I have to start making this a priority, especially from working from home. For me to continue having strong mental health working from home, I have to separate my food from work. Otherwise, they’re going to mesh together and it’s not going to be fun.
Yeah. And I like that you brought that up because that’s something I struggled with a little bit too when I was in my old apartment outside of Chicago. I didn’t have a designated office space. Like my desk was in the living room. So it felt like everything kind of morphed into one. Like, oh, I’m working in that corner of the room.
My, you know, eating in that corner of the room, the couch is in this side of the room. Like it all kind of meshed. And I’ve noticed since moving into the apartment we’re in now, I have a designated office space. So I have to move from that location to the kitchen. And that has been a huge help because it just helps me differentiate between, okay, this is a space where we work. This is a space where we eat. This is a space where we relax. Just like you would in a normal house. Like, you wouldn’t have your office in the kitchen in a house.
But when you’re in that apartment setup, sometimes those rooms and like what those rooms are used for can kind of, kind of all fall into one. And since moving to this new apartment, I’ve realized that my comfort eating alone and my distraction and things like that has been a lot different because of that designation between the different spaces.
Totally. And I do think in and of itself it really helps with that because when you have those designated spaces or you’ve gotten into the habit of eating at the table, I know when I’m feeling extra snacky or when I’m feeling extra greasy, it’s not my norm.
So that gives me more of an intel to be like, okay, what’s going on? Not to make this wrong, but because most of my eating is happening at the table, it is kind of a big differentiator and okay, this isn’t my normal.
Yeah. Oh, I totally agree. And that is something I don’t think I realized until I moved and had that separate space that it was just a lot, I don’t love the word easier, but it was actually easier for me to honor my hunger, honor my fullness, be present at each meal because I was almost able to put a pin in the work that I was doing and leave it in the office and walk away, where before I’d be like, oh, I was literally 20 feet over there working on this thing that has to be done, and it’s almost like my brain had a harder time kind of turning off and just taking that pause and focusing on the food that was in front of me.
So if you can’t do that, like if you’re listening and you’re like, oh my gosh, my kitchen and my office space or whatever, they’re all one. Even if it is as simple as like, this is my office chair, like maybe you do work from the kitchen table. A lot of people do. Maybe it’s as easy as like having the different chairs and like, yeah, this is where I work and I work on that side of the table, but I clean up my workspace and I have that clean table and then I sit in a different chair.
Like maybe that is enough where your brain can say, okay, over there’s work, over here is food, and I’m gonna be present, and we’re gonna enjoy this experience, because I know not everyone has different rooms and that space. So maybe that’s something that could work until you get a different space, or maybe that’s what has to work for the time being.
I was even thinking you could throw a dishcloth over your computer or your laptop to kind of just be like, okay, this space is closed for right now, I’m gonna go eat and then I’ll come back to it. I think the biggie is when you’re transitioning from eating distracted to eating at the table and really enjoying it, I think it’s important to acknowledge that this is a habit that you need to work on and eating at the couch is a habit.
And the thing that’s so difficult about shifting it is that when you eat at the couch, you are getting that instant gratification of checking out and mindlessness. I wouldn’t say it’s the instant gratification of the food because when you’re watching the TV or you’re mindless, like, are you really experiencing food in the same way?
So you’re getting that instant gratification of I know for a lot of people it is at the end of the day, like I just want to turn off and that’s what you’re getting from there. Whereas eating at the table, you have that delayed gratification of I’m better at reconnecting to my hunger and fullness, which is making me feel better overall and experiencing the flavors with food a little bit more.
So I’m satisfied by my meals and I’m not binging or I’m not eating too uncomfortably full all the time, which takes time. So I think that if you can have these other elements that bring you in the gratification, whether it is a fun podcast or a nice clean space or plates that you really love, or you’re eating with a friend at the table, you’re bringing your roommate, your partner to the table, light a candle, put your drink, even if it’s water, in a fun glass and make an experience out of it. It can be really helpful as you are building this new habit of sitting at the table.
Yeah, and it makes me think of the last podcast episode that we recorded, which was all about finding joy in food. I think we didn’t do this on purpose, but now I think it makes great sense. Like, listen to that one, and this one plays really well, like, after you’ve understood how you can find joy in and out of food, I think it helps you be more present and have more awareness when you are eating by yourself, because you already know the things that are gonna make that meal super enjoyable.
You already kind of did a little bit of the hard work and now really you just get to sit down, enjoy the flavor, enjoy all the different textures and temperatures, eat the food, and then go watch the Netflix show or like go relax on the couch. So that was good planning on our part.
It was, it was. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed because this has been something you’ve been doing for a while and it feels really hard, you don’t have to go cold turkey.
You can take baby steps. Like if your setup is like Lisa’s where you can sit at the table and see the TV, let’s start there. Turn on the TV and bring it to the table. Or if you don’t have a setup like that, put up your phone or put up an iPad where you’re still playing something but you’re at the table. And then maybe you transition to a podcast and you know, you give yourself those baby steps to just be able to experience it in a different way. And if you hate it, you don’t have to do it. But at least try and see if it helps.
Because I know I hear at least from my clients, and I’m sure you do too, Lisa, like so much frustration around not feeling satisfied by their food or constantly eating until they’re uncomfortably full or really struggling with fullness cues and the first question I always ask is when you eat how are you eating and I would say a 9.5 times out of 10 it is I’m eating while I’m driving while I’m running around while I’m watching TV and not that you know you can’t do that because I know life happens but it does make things a lot harder.
Yeah and I think like you were saying taking those baby steps like really meeting yourself where you’re at. If you’re currently eating in your car on your way to work, sitting down at the table is going to be like zero to 100. Like that is so different. So maybe you just take those baby steps, find what works for you. And maybe that is eating at the table.
Maybe that’s eating at your desk at work before you start working. Like find the thing that is going to allow you to be present, enjoy the food, honor your hunger and fullness cues. And really that’s all you can ask for.
Yeah, yeah. Or even like thinking about that driving example. If you are bringing your breakfast on the way to work, like before you go into work, can you wait and take two minutes while you’re still in your car and eat it while you’re parked in the parking lot and then go in? Just other things to try.
Just the baby steps. Meet yourself where you’re at. I love it.
Baby steps. So play around with that. Let us know how you’re feeling and know that, again, it’s not something that you have to do, but something that can make things easier and enjoyable.
And now we’re going to pop over to Lisa’s podcast to talk about how do we do the same thing when we are eating with others out and about, distracted, all that good stuff.
Licensed Therapist, Certified Nutritionist, and Virtual Wellness Coach
Ryann is a licensed therapist and virtual wellness coach who has assisted individuals worldwide in establishing a healthier relationship with food and their bodies.
I understand—it can be overwhelming to figure out where to begin. Let's simplify things and have you start right here:
Why Am I Overeating?
First Steps To Stop Binge Eating
The Food Freedom Lab Podcast
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