Alright, let’s talk about it—those self-body bashing thoughts. You know the ones I’m talking about. The kind that creep in when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror or when you see a photo and think, “Ugh, I look awful.” It’s like this automatic reaction, right? Your brain just goes there. You don’t even have to think about it; it’s like a reflex at this point.

And if you’re like most of us, you’ve been doing this for years, maybe even decades. You look in the mirror and pick apart every little thing—your stomach, your thighs, the lines on your face. It’s like you’ve trained your brain to zero in on what you don’t like. And, honestly, it sucks. It’s exhausting. It’s like this background noise that’s always there, buzzing in your head, making you feel like you’re never quite enough.

Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?

So, why do we do this to ourselves? Why is it that so many of us go straight to tearing ourselves down? Well, I think it’s a mix of things. Part of it is the world we live in, where we’re constantly bombarded with images of “perfection”—social media, ads, magazines (yep, even the ones we don’t read anymore still left their mark). We’ve been taught, from a young age, that our worth is tied to how we look, how closely we fit into this narrow idea of beauty.

And then there’s that inner critic, right? That voice that thinks it’s protecting you by being harsh. It’s like it believes if it points out your flaws first, no one else will get the chance to. But the truth is, it’s just keeping you stuck, making you feel smaller and smaller.

What If We Tried a Different Approach?

Okay, so what if we tried a different approach? What if, instead of trying to shut up that voice, we just… paused? What if we started to notice when those thoughts come up without letting them take over? Like, you catch yourself thinking, “Ugh, my arms look huge in this,” and instead of going down the spiral, you just stop. You say, “Oh, there’s that thought again. That’s my brain being mean to me.”

It might sound kind of silly, but naming that voice can help create a little space between you and those thoughts. Like, it’s not you talking; it’s just that old, tired voice in your head that’s been around forever. And you don’t have to believe it every time it speaks.

Ask Yourself: Is This Helping?

Another thing I like to do is ask, “Is this helping?” Is bashing my body making me feel better? Is it making me want to take care of myself more? The answer is almost always a big fat no. Because when you’re constantly tearing yourself down, it’s a lot harder to want to treat yourself with kindness. It’s a lot harder to want to take that walk, or eat that meal that makes you feel good, or just be gentle with yourself.

Reminding yourself that these thoughts aren’t helping—no matter how much they try to disguise themselves as “motivational”—can make a big difference. It’s like a reality check, a moment to say, “Okay, this isn’t actually doing me any good, so what can I focus on instead?”

Practice Some Self-Kindness (Yes, Even When It Feels Weird)

I know, I know—self-kindness feels so cheesy, right? Like, “Just love yourself!” It’s a nice idea, but in reality, it’s a lot more complicated than that. So, what if we just started with being neutral instead of swinging straight to love?

Maybe you look in the mirror and think, “I don’t love my stomach today, but I don’t have to hate it either.” Or you catch yourself spiraling and say, “I don’t have to love this part of my body, but I can respect it for what it does for me.” It’s not about forcing positivity—it’s about easing up on the harshness, even just a little bit.

And if that feels like too much, try thinking about how you’d talk to a friend. Like, if your best friend called you up and said, “I hate my thighs, I feel so gross,” you’d never respond with, “Yeah, you’re right, they’re awful.” So why do we think it’s okay to talk to ourselves that way? You deserve the same compassion you’d offer to someone else.

Shift the Focus: What’s My Body Actually Doing for Me?

Another thing that’s helped me (and a lot of others) is shifting the focus. When you’re stuck in that loop of criticism, try asking yourself, “What’s my body actually doing for me right now?” Maybe it’s helping you get through a tough workout, or carrying you through a busy day, or letting you experience the joy of laughing with a friend.

It’s not about ignoring the parts you don’t like; it’s about recognizing that your body is so much more than how it looks. It’s about noticing that your legs let you walk, your arms let you hug the people you love, your stomach digests the food that gives you energy. It’s about remembering that your body is the vehicle that carries you through life. And yeah, that might not make the negative thoughts disappear, but it does help to balance them out.

It’s Not Going to Change Overnight

Let’s be real here—it’s not going to change overnight. You’re not going to wake up tomorrow and magically love every part of yourself. But every time you catch a negative thought and choose not to believe it, you’re chipping away at that habit. You’re building a new way of thinking, little by little.

And the more you practice this, the quieter those self-bashing thoughts become. They might never completely go away, but they don’t have to be so loud. They don’t have to run the show.

You Deserve Better Than a Life Spent Hating Yourself

At the end of the day, you deserve better than a life spent hating yourself. You deserve to feel good in your skin, to enjoy moments without that constant commentary running in the background. And yeah, it’s a process. It’s messy and imperfect and sometimes really hard. But it’s worth it.

So next time you catch yourself standing in front of the mirror, tearing yourself apart, just take a breath. Remember that you’re not alone in this. Remember that it’s okay to be a work in progress. And most importantly, remember that you deserve to be kind to yourself, even when it’s hard, even when it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world.

Because you do. You always have. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the first thought worth believing.