Talking to someone you love about struggling with binge eating can feel terrifying. Like, how do you even begin? What do you say? Will they understand, or will they try to “fix” it with well-meaning but unhelpful advice? The truth is, though, that letting someone in on what you’re going through can be a huge step toward healing. Here’s how to share your struggles and ask for the support you need.

And then, there’s that other fear, right? The fear of judgment. Like, “Are they going to now think I just love stuffing my face with food?” That was one of my biggest fears—feeling like if I told someone, they’d see me differently. That they’d reduce my struggle to something superficial like overeating or “lacking control.” And I was afraid that once I mentioned something, I couldn’t take it back. It’s like, now they know, and would they be watching me all the time? Will they start noticing every little thing I eat? That fear of constant judgment—it’s real. But here’s the thing: keeping it all inside only strengthens those fears, and talking about it helps release their grip.

Start by Acknowledging the Fear

First step: start by acknowledging the fear. This is a scary and tough conversation to have. Acknowledge that. You might even start by saying, “I’ve been dealing with something really challenging, and it feels scary to talk about it, but I trust you and need to share.” This sets the stage for vulnerability while letting them know this is tough for you. It also gives them a little context for what’s coming, so they can approach it with care.

Other ways to say this:

Each of these openings allows you to acknowledge the vulnerability you feel while giving the other person a heads-up that this conversation is important and delicate.

“This is hard for me to talk about, and I’ve been holding it in for a while, but I need to share something that I’ve been struggling with.”

“I’m really nervous to bring this up because I’m afraid of being judged, but I want to be honest with you about something that’s been affecting me.”

“This isn’t easy for me to say, and I’ve been scared of how you might react, but I trust you and I need your support.”

“I’ve been dealing with some overwhelming feelings about food, and I know it’s not something we usually talk about, but I could really use your understanding right now.”

The key is to be as honest as you feel comfortable being, and to create a sense of openness from the start.

Be Honest About What’s Been Going On

Then let them in. This is the hard part, but it’s so important to be open about your experience. Binge eating is fueled by secrets. When we keep these struggles hidden, they become heavier, and the shame attached to them grows. Research shows that hiding our struggles, especially when they’re tied to shame, can intensify feelings of isolation and helplessness.¹ Dr. Brené Brown’s work on shame has shown that secrecy and silence can actually feed shame, making it more powerful. Brown says, “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable”—the more we avoid talking about it, the stronger it becomes. By speaking up and letting someone in, you start to loosen the grip that shame has on you .

Another study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that keeping secrets—especially about things that feel shameful—creates emotional stress and can impact mental health.² People who keep significant secrets reported higher levels of anxiety, depression, and feelings of loneliness . When you share your struggle, it doesn’t magically fix everything, but it’s the first step toward feeling lighter and less alone.

You don’t have to dive into all the gritty details if you’re not ready. Even saying something like, “I’ve been struggling with binge eating, and it’s been affecting me emotionally and physically,” can be a simple but impactful way to open up. You can also clarify that you’re not looking for them to fix it; you just want them to understand what you’re going through. Something like, “I don’t expect you to do anything specific, I just need to let you in on this,” can help set that boundary and let them know their role is simply to listen.

Explain How This Is Not About Willpower

This is such a crucial point because there’s this common (and totally frustrating) misconception that binge eating is just about lacking willpower or self-control. It’s easy to fear that people will think, “Oh, they just love to stuff their face with food.” But that’s not what this is about. Binge eating isn’t a reflection of someone’s discipline or love for food—it’s often tied to deeper emotional struggles, patterns of stress, and feelings of overwhelm.

You could explain it like this: “It’s not that I just love eating or that I can’t control myself—it’s more complex than that. Binge eating has become a way for me to cope with emotions and stress that feel too heavy to deal with. When things get overwhelming, food becomes my escape.” This helps them understand that it’s not about you wanting to eat constantly; it’s about how food is being used to soothe emotional pain, anxiety, or even numbness.

This also shifts the conversation away from blame or judgment. When someone thinks it’s just about willpower, they might think the solution is something like “just stop eating” or “just try harder.” But framing it as a coping mechanism makes it clear that there are underlying feelings involved—and those need compassion, not a diet or a pep talk about discipline.

You’re essentially saying, “It’s not that I want to binge or that I’m ‘giving up’ on healthy habits. It’s that I’ve been dealing with emotional stress in this way, and I need support, not solutions about willpower.” This shifts the conversation from “fixing” the behavior to offering empathy and understanding, which is much more helpful.

Let Them Know How They Can Help

Once you’ve shared what you’re going through, let them know how they can support you. This gives them something concrete to do, which is huge because they might otherwise freeze up or start offering advice that’s well-meaning but not very helpful (cue suggestions for another diet or workout plan). Giving them some guidance can be a game changer in terms of how they show up for you.

What You Can Say

Giving them some guidance can be a game changer in terms of how they show up for you.

“It would really help if you could just listen without judgment when I need to talk about it.”

Sometimes, you just need a safe space to vent, and listening without offering advice can be one of the most supportive things someone can do.

“I don’t need advice on how to eat better or control myself—I’m already working on that. What I need is emotional support.”

This is key because people often jump to advice when really, you just need someone to understand and be there for you emotionally, not fix the problem.

“Sometimes I might need a distraction or someone to hang out with to take my mind off things.”

Letting them know that just hanging out, watching a movie, or going for a walk can be more helpful than they might think.

• “If you notice me struggling, it would mean a lot if you could gently check in and remind me that I’m not alone.”

This gives them a specific role in helping you feel supported and cared for, without stepping over any boundaries.

And just as important, you can share what not to do.

By giving them specific examples of what’s helpful (and what’s not), you take the guesswork out of it for them and avoid situations where they might unintentionally say or do something unhelpful.

“Please don’t comment on what I’m eating or make suggestions about my diet—it just makes things harder.”

This sets a clear boundary, letting them know that monitoring your food or offering advice can actually increase stress, not help.

Set Boundaries If Needed

Sometimes people, even with the best intentions, can cross boundaries. If you sense that someone might try to control what you eat or hover over you, it’s okay to set boundaries. You might say something like, “I need support, but I also need space to handle this in my own way. Please don’t monitor my eating or try to intervene unless I ask for help.”

Reassure Them

Lastly, let them know that talking about this is hard, but it’s not their job to solve the problem. You can say something like, “Just knowing you’re here for me is enough. I don’t need you to fix this—I just need you to be here with me through it.”

Moving Forward

Talking about binge eating isn’t easy, but it’s one of those things that gets lighter when you let someone else carry a little of the weight. You don’t have to be perfect or have all the answers. Just be honest about what you’re going through and how they can help. And remember—if someone loves you, they’ll want to support you, even if they don’t fully understand. That’s where communication comes in.

You can also tell them to listen to this.

And if they mess up or say the wrong thing? That’s okay. They’re not trying to hurt you—they’re just doing the best they can with the skills they have. The most important part is that you took the step to share, which is huge.

1. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12529-023-10193-y ↩︎
2. https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/proceedings-of-the-nutrition-society/article/designing-interventions-to-change-eating-behaviours/0FB561F47C354DBAA80B01F5ADDA6546 ↩︎