Oh man, there’s so much nobody tells you about that first year postpartum. The books don’t mention it, the well-meaning advice skips over it, and everyone on social media is just…glowing and perfect. But let’s be real, this first year can be a rollercoaster, and sometimes you’re just holding on for dear life. So here are five things nobody really talks about, but we’re gonna talk about them right here, right now.

1. I Suddenly Hate My Husband?

Okay, so nobody tells you that you might start to look at your husband and think, “Wow, I don’t even like you right now.” Your body has changed, your life has changed, and you’re sleep-deprived, but he’s just over there doing… what exactly? Nothing. That’s the problem. “I shouldn’t have to tell him what to do… AGAIN!” It feels petty, but it’s so real. They just keep existing, and somehow, that becomes the most annoying thing in the world.

It doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed, but it’s like your relationship is suddenly under a magnifying glass. The stress, exhaustion, and the fact that he doesn’t get it make it normal to feel tension in a way you never did before. Nobody talks about how you can love someone and still feel this low-key (or not-so-low-key) resentment simmering underneath. Or maybe even fear. I felt fear—so many days of, “Are we going to make it through this?” So far, we have, so that’s a win!

2. Guilt for Wanting a Break From Your Baby

Listen, the guilt is REAL. Sometimes you just want five minutes. Alone. Maybe to pee or scroll TikTok without someone needing your boobs or screaming because they threw their toy and now they want it back. And that’s fine, right? Except, here comes the guilt, creeping in like, “How can you want a break from your baby? You wanted this! You love them! You should be savoring every moment! It goes so fast!”

Man, it’s hard to shake. It’s like you’re walking this line between loving your baby so much it hurts, but also wanting to hit ‘pause’ on motherhood just to breathe for a second. Because if you don’t, you’re pretty sure you’ll have a meltdown that won’t quit. And then the guilt shows up again. Rinse, repeat.

I asked for breaks, and yeah, I felt bad about it every time. But I took them. And I always came back a better mom afterward because I could reset. So whyyy are we feeling guilty for that? It’s silly. SILLY.

3. Jealous of Your Husband Going to Work

Oh, the jealousy. The resentment. Here’s a hot take: some days, you’re jealous of your husband for getting to go to work. That’s right—I said it. Work starts to look like a break. The whole “getting to leave the house and speak to adults” thing? Yeah, sounds like a dream. They get to drink their coffee while it’s still hot and pee without a tiny human demanding to be held. Meanwhile, you’re covered in spit-up and trying to remember the last time you had an uninterrupted thought.

It’s weird to be envious of their freedom, but it happens. And it’s not because you don’t want to be with your baby, it’s just… work starts to feel like an escape. Plus, let’s not forget how everyone acts like going to work is so hard. And maybe it is, but they don’t have to deal with a baby’s witching hour, so I’m gonna say it’s not that hard, Steve.

4. Appreciating Your Body and Disliking It at the Same Time

This is a tough one. Your body just did this AMAZING thing. You literally grew a human! That’s incredible. You want to appreciate it for all it’s done—maybe you do appreciate it on some level—but at the same time, you look in the mirror and think, “Who is this?” Your body feels different, looks different, is different, and it’s okay to feel a little lost in that.

You can be grateful for what your body did while also not totally loving what’s left behind. It’s a weird in-between space of wanting to be gentle with yourself but also feeling a little disconnected from this new version of your body. There’s no rule that says you have to love it 24/7. Some days you’re in awe, and some days you’re like, “I miss my old boobs.” That’s totally fine.

5. “What Did I Just Do??”

Oh boy. There’s a moment—maybe more than one—when you’re holding your baby and this thought pops in: “What did I just do?” It hits out of nowhere, and it’s terrifying. Nobody told you about this part, huh? It’s not that you don’t love your baby, because you do, but it’s like… what have I signed up for? The permanence of it all. The fact that your life will never, ever be the same again.

It’s like you’re mourning the old you, the one who could sleep in, or go out without planning 12 steps ahead. And it’s not that you want to go back, but damn, it’s a lot to process. And it’s scary to think those thoughts because it feels like maybe you’re failing at this mom thing. But you’re not. You’re just human. Adjusting to a brand new life.

So there it is—five things that nobody wants to admit but everybody feels in that first wild year postpartum.

You’re not alone. It’s messy and beautiful and hard and wonderful all at once. And it’s okay to feel all the feelings, even the ones you think you shouldn’t.

I am officially one year postpartum, and let me tell you—things do settle. They do get better. You do start to feel like yourself again. Sure, you’re a little different, but in the best way. And yes, you do sometimes like your husband again (ha, kidding… mostly). But seriously, your marriage finds a new rhythm. It gets better as you figure out this whole parenting thing together. You make it through the tough moments, and before you know it, you’re laughing together again, remembering why you’re a team.

So, hang in there, mama. It’s a wild ride, but you’re doing an incredible job.