Are you creating the life you want to live or just talking about it? Because when you allow your weight to define your worth, what you are doing is essentially putting your life on pause. And that’s what I did for 11 years of my life. I hit pause on buying clothes, going out with that guy, taking vacations, enjoying brunch with friends, and even spending quality time with my family, all because my weight was the center of my universe.

I genuinely believed that unless my weight matched some magical “acceptable” number, I couldn’t really start living my life. But here’s the thing: with that mindset, it didn’t matter what that number on the scale said – it was never enough.

What Actually Defines Your Self-Worth

I understand how tough it is to break free from the belief that your worth hinges on your weight. That idea that your life would be infinitely better if you looked like her or shed x number of pounds? I’ve been there, and it’s a tough place to be. But here’s the scoop – you are worthy of every bit of love, attention, and support right this minute, just as you are. Once you start believing in your worth, you’ll take care of your body differently because you’re embracing it, not rejecting it. Now, let’s get to the good stuff. Here are some things that truly define your self-worth:

1. How You Treat Others

Think about how you treat your buddies, family, and people you meet. Are you nice, helpful, and respectful to them? It’s important because the way you treat folks says a lot about the kind of person you are. When you’re friendly, give a hand when needed, and show respect, it makes a big difference to someone’s day. It’s not just about being polite; it’s about truly caring for others and making strong connections. When you’re consistently kind, respectful, and supportive to those around you, you’re not just showing how valuable you are – you’re making the world a better place.

2. Your Capacity to Love

Love is like sunshine for your heart. Being able to love and be loved is super special. It’s all about opening your heart, being real, and sharing your affection with others. Love comes in many forms, like the love you have for your family, friends, and even your pets. It’s the warm hug you give when someone’s feeling down, the smile you share, and the real care you show. Your ability to love is a beautiful part of who you are, and it brings lots of value to your life.

3. Loyalty to Others

Loyalty is like a rare treasure. It’s about staying true to your pals and family, even when times are tough. It’s about being there through the good times and the not-so-good times. True loyalty is a big deal because it builds trust and makes relationships deeper. It’s like promising to be there for someone no matter what, and it shows you really care about the connections you’ve got. Your loyalty is like a sign that says you’re a good person, and it’s a way to show how important you are.

4. Who You Choose to Spend Time With

Think about the people you hang out with. Do they make you feel good and happy? Or do they bring you down? When you pick friends who bring joy, inspire you, and help you grow, you’re making a smart choice for your well-being. It’s not just about hanging out; it’s about creating a group that makes your heart happy and builds your self-worth. The pals you choose can really affect how happy you are and how you feel about yourself.

5. How You Respond to People in Need

Life can be tricky, and sometimes people need help. How you respond when someone’s having a hard time shows you’re caring and kind. It’s about giving a hand, being a good listener, or just being there for someone when they’re feeling down. When you help others with kindness and understanding, you’re showing you’re a caring person who’s ready to make a positive difference in their lives.

6. Your Ability to Laugh at Yourself

Life has ups and downs, and sometimes you make mistakes. But if you can laugh at your own slip-ups and not take yourself too seriously, that’s a sign you’re strong and good with your feelings. It’s like saying, “Oops, I messed up, but that’s okay!” It shows you’re tough and you’ve got a positive way of looking at things. Laughing at your own mistakes is like a secret superpower – it helps you feel better about yourself.

7. The Words You Choose

The words you use can have a big impact on how others see you and how you feel about yourself. When you use words that are uplifting, inspiring, and encouraging, you’re not just making things better for the people around you – you’re also making yourself feel more valuable. Your words have the power to create a ripple effect of happiness, affecting both you and the people you talk to.

8. Standing Up for What You Believe

It’s important to believe in things, and having the courage to speak up for your beliefs is a sign you’re true to yourself. Even if others don’t agree, when you stand up for what you believe, you’re showing you’re real and committed to your values. It’s like saying, “I really care about this, and I won’t give up.” It’s a powerful way to show respect for yourself and make a positive difference in the world.

9. Practicing What You Preach

Doing what you say you’ll do is a big deal. It’s about being true to your words and values. When you follow through on what you say, you show your principles aren’t just empty talk – they’re a part of who you are. It’s like saying, “I’m reliable and trustworthy, for myself and for others.” Following your own words makes your character strong and makes you feel more valuable.

10. Handling Criticism

Getting feedback from others can help you grow and get better. When you can take criticism without taking it personally, it’s a sign you’re tough and open to getting better. It’s like saying, “I’m not perfect, but I can learn and improve.” Handling criticism with a good attitude is a way to show you can grow and change, which makes you feel more valuable.

Deciding to Rewrite the Script

And hey, this list is just the tip of the iceberg. What truly defines your worth is the person you are day in and day out. So, let me ask you this: when you look at who you are showing up as in life, are you thrilled with what you see?

Take a moment to ask yourself:

1. What do I want most in life? And WHY?
2. How can I start being better aligned with that person today?

Your weight? Well, it’s the least intriguing thing about you, my friend. When you let the number on that scale define your worth, you’re telling yourself that your weight is the most important thing about you. But let me spill the beans – it’s not. You’re so much more than that number. You’re a masterpiece in the making. 🌟

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Must Read Books To Improve Body Image

Just so you know, I do review everything I recommend. When you buy through links on this page, we may earn a commission.

The Body Is Not An Apology By Sonya Renee Taylor 

The Body Is Not an Apology offers radical self-love as the balm to heal the wounds inflicted by these violent systems. World-renowned activist and poet Sonya Renee Taylor invites us to reconnect with the radical origins of our minds and bodies and celebrate our collective, enduring strength. As we awaken to our own indoctrinated body shame, we feel inspired to awaken others and to interrupt the systems that perpetuate body shame and oppression against all bodies. When we act from this truth on a global scale, we usher in the transformative opportunity of radical self-love, which is the opportunity for a more just, equitable, and compassionate world–for us all.

What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon

Advancing fat justice and changing prejudicial structures and attitudes will require work from all people. What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat is a crucial tool to create a tectonic shift in the way we see, talk about, and treat our bodies, fat and thin alike.

Body Talk by Katie Sturino

With Body Talk, an illustrated guide-meets-workbook, Sturino is here to help you stop obsessing about your body issues, focus on self-love, and free up space in your brain for creative and productive energy. Complete with empowering affirmations, relatable anecdotes, and actionable takeaways, as well as space to answer prompts and jot down feelings and inspirations, Body Talk encourages you to spend less time thinking about how you look and what you eat and more time discovering your inner fierceness.

More Than A Body by Lindsay and Lexie Kite

From media consumption to health and fitness to self-reflection and self-compassion, Lindsay and Lexie share powerful and practical advice that goes beyond “body positivity” to help readers develop body image resilience—all while cutting through the empty promises sold by media, advertisers, and the beauty and weight-loss industries. In the process, they show how facing your feelings of body shame or embarrassment can become a catalyst for personal growth.

The Body Of Truth by Harriet Brown 

The quest for health and wellness has never been more urgent, yet most of us continue to buy into fad diets and unattainable body ideals, unaware of the damage we’re doing to ourselves. Through interviews, research, and her own experience, Brown not only gives us the real story on weight, health, and beauty, but also offers concrete suggestions for how each of us can sort through the lies and misconceptions and make peace with and for ourselves.

Landwhale by Jes Baker

A deeply personal take, Landwhale is a glimpse at life as a fat woman today, but it’s also a reflection of the unforgiving ways our culture still treats fatness, all with Jes’s biting voice as the guide.