September 17, 2024
I’m a recovered binge eater who changed the story from something that happened to me to something that happened for me. Now, I’m a licensed therapist teaching you to do the same.
My mission? To help you ditch food stress and live your life with mental peace and freedom every single day!
Alright, let’s have a real conversation about this—because wanting to lose weight and wanting to stop binge eating at the same time? That’s a confusing mess. You’ve got two big things pulling at you, and it feels like they’re in constant conflict. It’s like, “How can I work on healing my relationship with food while still having this desire to lose weight?” And I get it, it’s tough. Most experts would tell you that you can’t have both, right? But me? I’m all about finding that middle ground.
Let me just say this upfront: I’m not here to tell you that you can’t want to lose weight. I’m not anti-weight loss. But what I will say is that I don’t think weight loss is really what you want. Wait, WHAT?! I know, sounds wild, but stick with me. Let’s break this down.
When you think about losing weight, what are you actually imagining? It’s probably not just about seeing a lower number on the scale, right? It’s deeper than that. You might be thinking about finally feeling confident, comfortable, and more “in control.” Maybe you imagine yourself walking into a room, feeling lighter—not just physically, but emotionally too.
You want to lose weight because you’ve been told that’s the answer. That everything will be better once you hit a certain size. That your confidence, happiness, and even your relationships will improve when you finally reach that magical goal weight. It’s like you’re holding onto this belief that once the scale reads that perfect number, life will suddenly feel… easier. But let me ask you—has it ever actually worked out that way?
You start a new diet, determined that this is going to be the time it works. You lose some weight, and for a moment, you feel amazing. You might even get compliments, and that validation feels really good. But then, a few weeks or months go by, and that feeling starts to fade. Maybe you notice the weight creeping back up, or maybe you’re still not as happy as you thought you’d be. That “goal weight” didn’t solve the deeper things, like your self-worth or the pressure you feel to be perfect. And now, instead of freedom, you’re back to feeling trapped in a cycle of dieting, obsessing, and, honestly, feeling kind of miserable.
It’s not your fault—you’ve been told your whole life that your body is the problem and that fixing it will fix everything. So, of course, you’re drawn to weight loss. Of course, you think it’ll make things better. But here’s the thing: it’s not really the weight you’re after. It’s the feeling you think losing weight will give you.
You want to feel like you fit in, like you’re worthy of love, attention, and respect. And somewhere along the line, you’ve been made to believe that losing weight is the ticket to all of that. But I want you to stop for a second and ask yourself: What if that’s not true? What if you could work on feeling enough right now, without needing to change a single thing about your body?
That’s the part nobody tells you—losing weight doesn’t erase those deeper feelings of insecurity, fear, or inadequacy. In fact, it might even make them worse, because now you’re living in constant fear of gaining the weight back. The problem wasn’t your body to begin with. It was the belief that your body is the problem.
Does any of that sound familiar?
I see you. I see the struggle, the frustration, and the hope that’s tangled up in wanting to lose weight. You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do. You’re just operating within a system that’s convinced you that weight loss is the answer. But what if the answer was actually learning how to feel better, not just look different? Let’s dig into that.
Here’s where we need to get real. When you say, “I want to lose weight,” what’s underneath that? Because if it were as simple as just losing weight, you would’ve done it by now, right? But you’re still stuck in this cycle—wanting to lose weight and still struggling with binge eating. That’s because this isn’t actually about the weight.
When my clients come to me with the same frustration, I always ask them to dig a little deeper. Why do you want to lose weight? What do you think losing weight will actually give you? Most of the time, it’s not really about that number on the scale—it’s about wanting to feel better in your skin, to feel more confident, or to feel more in control of your life. And I get it—you’ve been told over and over that losing weight is the key to getting those things. But if that were true, wouldn’t everyone in a larger body be miserable, and everyone in a smaller body be happy? And we both know that’s not how it works.
So let’s leave the surface level at the door and talk about what this is really about. Because the truth is, it’s not the weight that’s holding you back—it’s the belief that changing your body will change your life in all the ways you’re dreaming of. What you’re actually after is deeper than what the scale can offer. Maybe it’s about feeling accepted, loved, or finally feeling like you’re enough. Let’s start there and shift the focus to what you truly want.
Take my client Allie, for example. She came into the Binge Eating Unchained (BEU) program feeling just like you might right now—frustrated and convinced that losing weight would solve all her problems. She truly believed that once the number on the scale dropped, everything else would just fall into place. But here’s what happened: When we started diving into the real reason behind her desire to lose weight, it wasn’t about her body at all. It was about feeling like she wasn’t enough—for her family, her friends, and even herself.
There was one session where Allie opened up about an experience she had in middle school. She remembered a time when she overheard some girls talking about her body. From that moment, she believed that if she just got thinner, she’d be accepted and liked. That stuck with her for years—carrying into adulthood, relationships, and her own self-worth. But even when she managed to lose weight in the past, that feeling of inadequacy never left. In fact, it only heightened her anxiety around food because she became terrified of gaining it back. The real issue wasn’t her body—it was the story she’d been telling herself since she was 13 years old.
So yeah, maybe the scale moves. But the emotional baggage? The fears, insecurities, and all the underlying reasons that led to binge eating in the first place? They don’t disappear just because you’re lighter. That’s exactly what was happening with Allie. She realized that her struggle wasn’t really with her weight—it was with the belief that her worth was tied to it.
This is why losing weight isn’t the magic fix we think it is. The real work? It’s in understanding those deep-rooted beliefs that make you feel like you’re not enough—and those won’t change with a smaller body.
When you focus only on weight loss, you’re never actually digging deep enough to get to the root of the issue. It’s like putting a band-aid on something that needs stitches. You stay stuck on the surface, thinking that if you can just get that number down, everything else will fall into place. But the real stuff—the unhealed wounds, the stories you’ve been telling yourself about your worth, the underlying self-worth issues? Those just sit there, building up like steam in a pressure cooker.
This is why so many people regain the weight they’ve lost. It’s not about a lack of willpower. It’s not because you didn’t try hard enough or stick to the plan. It’s because the deeper problem—the emotional and psychological roots of why you feel the way you do about your body—hasn’t been healed. Without addressing those, the cycle of restricting, binging, and obsessing continues.
Weight loss turns into a numbers game, and you end up obsessing over digits on a scale that have no real bearing on your happiness, health, or self-worth. And let’s be honest: does that number really reflect your health or your joy if you’re struggling with binge eating, anxiety over food, low self-worth, or poor mental health? No. It doesn’t. So why are we giving it so much power?
Your body’s weight can fluctuate for a million different reasons—hydration levels, hormones, stress, muscle gain, even sleep! Yet, when we see the scale go up, it feels like a reflection of who we are. And when it goes down? We get a temporary boost, but it’s fleeting. That rush doesn’t last because you’re still stuck in the same patterns. The root problem isn’t being fixed; it’s just being masked by the number.
If you’re still with me, let’s get into the big question: why do you really want to lose weight? Is it for health? Is it for comfort? Is it because you think life will magically feel better at a smaller size?
Weight isn’t a behavior. And if you focus on healing the things that impact your health—like nourishing your body, moving in ways that feel good, drinking enough water, and resting—you’ll see a much bigger shift in your well-being than by focusing on the scale.
A lot of people say, “I’m not comfortable at this size. I just feel better when I’m X pounds lighter.” Okay, cool. But what’s making you uncomfortable right now? Is it really the weight? Or is it how you’re treating your body? Maybe you’re exhausted from dieting, or maybe binge eating has left you feeling out of control. Whatever it is, feeling better might have less to do with your size and more to do with how you treat yourself.
At the end of the day, it’s not about the weight itself. Sure, it feels like it is, but when you peel back the layers, the real issue is much deeper. I’d argue that this isn’t about your body at all—it’s about the core fears that live underneath: the fear of not being enough, the fear of rejection, the fear of failure. These are the things that drive us to fixate on weight, hoping that changing our bodies will somehow make us feel worthy, loved, or safe.
But changing the number on the scale doesn’t change those fears. You could lose all the weight in the world and still feel unworthy, still feel like you’re not enough. Why? Because those core fears don’t live in your body—they live in your mind. And losing weight? That doesn’t magically make them disappear. In fact, it can often make them worse, as you live in fear of gaining the weight back, feeling like it’s the only thing standing between you and all the validation you’ve been seeking.
It’s like trying to fix a leaky roof by repainting the walls. You can slap on some fresh paint and things might look better for a bit, but the real problem is still there, just waiting to show itself again.
So, what do you really want? Is it to feel more confident in your own skin? To stop binge eating? To feel at ease in your body again? Let’s focus on that. The weight is secondary—what’s primary is building confidence, practicing self-care, and developing a healthier relationship with food.
Start with behaviors that genuinely make you feel good. Instead of obsessing over the number on the scale, what if you listened to your body, moved in ways that feel joyful, and actually nourished it instead of restricting it? Doesn’t that sound more sustainable? More like self-love?
And hey, does that mean your weight can’t and won’t change? Not at all. But the point is, your weight isn’t going to be the central focus anymore. Because if you’re stuck in this belief that the only way to happiness is through shrinking your body, you’re missing out on so many other ways you can feel better right now.
Think about it: How might your life change if you start focusing on how you want to feel and the things you can do to get there—regardless of what happens with your weight? That’s where the real transformation lies.⬤
Take a deep breath and grab your journal. Let’s dig into this. Why do you really want to lose weight? What’s driving that desire? And once you get to an answer, ask yourself why again. Peel back those layers until you get to the core of what you’re actually after. Is it confidence? Feeling comfortable in your skin? Freedom from food obsession?
Once you find that deeper “why,” that’s where the magic happens. That’s where you focus. Because weight? It’s never been the real answer. It never will be.
What you’re really after—whether it’s confidence, peace, or self-acceptance—that’s where we start. That’s where the real work begins, and that’s what will change your life, far beyond any number on a scale.
Intimate group coaching to break free from binge eating
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Have real conversations and hear others share their struggles.
Ryann Nicole
Licensed Therapist, Certified Nutritionist, and Virtual Wellness Coach
Ryann is a licensed therapist and virtual wellness coach who has assisted individuals worldwide in establishing a healthier relationship with food and their bodies.
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