In this episode, we chat with Kat Berglas (@katerinaberglas) about her courageous journey from battling anorexia to finding freedom and healing. She opens up about how her struggle with control and body image took a toll on her mind and body, and what it took to break free from the life-threatening cycle of restriction. Kat shares the key moments that led to her decision to choose life, and the steps she took to rebuild a healthier relationship with food and herself. Tune in to hear her powerful and inspiring story, and discover how you, too, can begin your own journey toward healing.

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About Kat: Kat is an anorexia nervosa survivor who came close to losing her life to the disorder. She made the brave choice to recover and now dedicates herself to helping others see that life is more than a number on the scale. Kat’s mission is to inspire those who are struggling to live fully and embrace the things that truly matter.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: In this episode, Kat shares her personal experiences with anorexia and disordered eating.

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Everything discussed in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It should not be interpreted as medical or other professional healthcare advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Ryann: Hello, everybody. Welcome back. I am so excited for today’s episode. I have Kat Burglass with us today, otherwise known as Kat Burglass. That’s going to be really easy for you guys to find her to share her story. Kat, thank you so much for taking the time to be here with us today. 

[00:00:21] Kat: Thank you so much for having me on the podcast.

It’s such an honor. I’m very happy. 

[00:00:26] Ryann: For anybody that doesn’t know you, will you just share a little bit about what you personally struggled with? 

[00:00:34] Kat: I personally struggled with anorexia and exercise addiction and starvation. So I was spent three, three to four years and just pretty primal starvation and exercise addiction, but I’m recovered now and happy to share my story and help other people now.

[00:00:53] Ryann: So excited for you guys to hear her story because she was just sharing with me and why I thought it was so important for her to come on and share is because she did this all on her own, which is freaking huge. Kat, why don’t you take us back to the beginning? What was it like growing up in your home?

And when did you start to, for lack of a better term, control your food? 

[00:01:19] Kat: So I grew up in London and London’s a pretty, it’s a city. It’s like a New York style, a little bit toxic with the stress. And everyone’s trying to be the best and comparing one another. So I grew up there. I’m an only child.

So I grew up pretty close to my parents. I never fit in school. I never ever fit in. I just always hanged out with the boys because I just couldn’t get along with the girls. There’s always this competitiveness judgmental thing that I never used to fall into. So I was asked to hang out with the boys and then, I’m very sporty.

And then after that, I decided that I was going to get into modeling at 16 and just because my parents were going through quite a bad divorce at that time. So I thought modeling would be just a nice little kind of distraction, something fun to do. Little did I know that it would turn my life all the way around.

I got into the modeling industry at 16. My mom was a model back in like the nine, like the nineties and she lived in LA. So it was a very different kind of style to how it is now. But I then decided that I was going to model in London and I have an athletic build, I’m an athlete, I’m a ski racer and a tennis player, so I don’t have naturally skinny features, which is.

Awesome, because I love my body now, but at that time I was like, why am I not as skinny as everyone else? What are they doing that I’m not? So I decided that I would start to decrease my intake just a little bit at the time. I was, I think, 17 when I really started getting into it, and I suddenly started doing that, and then it just fell into an addiction of just I would go into castings and the casting director would be like, oh, whatever you’re doing, you must be doing it so well because you look great.

And in my head I’m thinking, huh I’m not eating, I’m smoking cigarettes, I’m drinking coffee, I’m working out crazily amounts. So in my head I think I have to carry that on. I then spiraled into this addiction, and I was then starving myself for three years. Until 2020, where I decided that I was gonna, just like get back into sports again a little bit because I was like, I really love sports.

I’m a tennis player myself. So I then got back into it and I realized that I could not run or do anything without like severe chest pain. And this is very strange and bear in mind I still wasn’t eating, but I thought I would just get back into more competitive sports, which obviously was not a good idea.

And then I just ended up going straight to my doctor because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And that’s when I realized that my heart started to leak. And that I was basically going to die pretty soon without really realizing it myself. Yeah, a little short story, long story short, just said that I’ve starved myself to death and being put in a hospital bed changed my life for the better.

[00:04:14] Ryann: Before that huge, just oh my God moment, I know you said you got the reinforcement from you look amazing, da. That just happens in our society and culture when we have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. Was anybody worried? 

[00:04:31] Kat: No, everyone thought I looked great. It was really weird.

The only people that were my dad was the one who was like, Kat, like you’re losing a lot of weight. And I was like, I know, it’s going well. He said, as long as you’re, you’re happy and stuff. Because I was still working out. He had no idea that I was starving myself.

So he just thought I was just looking after myself, but in a way I felt embarrassed that I was not eating at all. So I tried to tell everyone, don’t worry. I already had lunch. I already had, breakfast. Don’t worry. Like when reality, I was not eating. So the only people that really realized were my parents that.

My parents and my babushka, who’s my Russian grandmother, was like, she needs help. She was like, proper Russian Russian mom you are not letting, now that’s it you have to stop kind of thing. But in our society, people think skinny looks great, and they think that, oh, you must be so fit.

And it’s just no, it doesn’t work like that, because our bodies are all so different, that being skinny for me is actually dangerous. Because that’s not my body type. So it was people just saw I looked great. 

[00:05:40] Ryann: And I so appreciate you sharing that because that is the assumption, right? Like she must be so fit, so healthy and behind the scenes.

Look at what was going on. Now that’s the physical part. I’m so curious about the mental, what was it like inside your head at that time? 

[00:06:01] Kat: Awful. Because I felt like I would could never win. That I would never ever be skinny enough. And as, as it starts as an addiction of just wanting to be skinny and to look good.

And in my head, I was like, I can’t stop. And I remember I would go into my, into the bathroom each night because I wasn’t allowed to have a bath without provision because I was cold all the time. Like I was freezing all the time because I had no body fat. So I had to live in baths, but I couldn’t be there alone because If, because I had a really high risk of fainting because of really low blood pressure.

So I always had to be supervised when having a bath. And I would just cry in this bath and I was thinking, How am I going to get out of this? I’m so stuck. What’s going to happen? I just felt really stuck. Really stuck. And there was no other word to put it because in my head, my life revolved around food and my image.

I thought there’s no other way. In my head I was like, I’d rather die than not think like this. So it was just, it was like horrible. When you 

[00:07:04] Ryann: say my life revolved around food, can you give an example? Because, or just talk us through a little bit more of what that was like, because it is so easy to look at someone with the body, right?

And be like, Oh my, if I had that, she must have the most amazing life. Like she must be so happy. She must have no problems. And so I feel like it would be so helpful to hear just what it meant for you that your life revolved around food, even though you weren’t eating. 

[00:07:34] Kat: Exactly. It’s the craziest thing.

I’ll give you like what my day was like. I would, first of all, I would not sleep because I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I developed such a immense like strong insomnia that I didn’t sleep anymore. So I had to actually sleep with my mom because I was so scared to go to bed. So I was, that was already bad enough that my already thinking about food when I’m trying to sleep.

So that’s just already that. And then when I finally did go to sleep around four in the morning, wake up around eight and in my head, I’m thinking, okay, I’m, I can know I’m allowing myself to eat at noon. It’s eight in the morning now. So I would just figure out different ways where I would just be drinking.

I’d have hot water and lemon because I saw all these bad trends on Tik TOK that hot water and lemons great for digestion. So I was just like, perfect. So I’d sip on that until 12, thinking about food constantly. And I’m making breakfast for my grandmother, for my mother.

I’m making like amazing like meals. And they’re like, can you eat with us? I’m like, I can’t because I already felt like I ate through their food. And then at 12, I would have some mango. And then, and that would be it. Until three or four, I would be looking on Uber Eats food to order for my dad, because I was going to go see my dad.

So I’m there like scrolling hours through different foods. Order the food for him. At three o’clock he picks me up. I give him the food and he’s like, where’s your food? I’ve already eaten. Don’t worry because my parents are separated. So we go into his house He has no idea and I’m just there thinking about food non stop Just like dreaming mesmerizing him eating this amazing like bagel with like eggs and ham and everything and then at six seven I then allow myself to have some sort of vegetable with like shrimp protein, just like raw.

And it’s just food all the time. It’s so crazy that you’re cooking for everyone else, but you cannot allow yourself to eat. The brain completely believes that you think that you were eating through someone else and it gives you satisfaction. So it would just be food all day. Think about food, making food plus the starvation.

Yeah, that’s the mental aspect of it inside throughout the day. 

[00:09:53] Ryann: And then I have to imagine that probably affected your relationships, right? 

[00:09:58] Kat: Oh, for sure. Because I’d be lying all the time, and I’d be lying about what I ate, what I didn’t eat, and I’d be lying to my parents.

My parents are like my rock, and to lie to them was something I really didn’t want to do. But I knew, of course, if I said, oh, I haven’t eaten today, they’d be, sit me down and be like, you have to eat. And I didn’t want to deal with that stress. And already enough, I have enough of the food. It ruined, because no one could trust me anymore.

And I for me, trust is so important in any relationship, with family, with your boyfriend, or anything like that. I just had to lie. I had no more trust with my family, with friends. I lost all my friends, because I actually couldn’t go out anymore. Yeah, relationships were minimal during that time.

The eating disorder becomes the best friend. Oh, yeah. We’re like homies. We’re like, we just do not leave each other alone. 

[00:10:46] Ryann: And the thing that’s so sad about that, because, even though for me it was binging, it’s the same, right? It’s the lying, it’s the obsession, it’s my whole life revolves around it, and I’m at this stage in my life right now where People are getting married and I have new friends that are going to all of these different weddings and they’re like, have all your friends gotten married already?

And it’s one of those moments where I have this kind of dig in my chest where I’m like, I really don’t have a lot of friends from like high school and college because my eating disorder was my best friend. So I’m not going to all of these weddings now because. Yeah. I missed out on that. Like I missed out on developing those relationships because I was so invested in my relationship with my eating disorder.

[00:11:31] Kat: Yeah, exactly. It becomes your best friend because at the end of the day it’s where your comfort is. So that’s why usually best friends they’re your best friend, they’re your comfort place, there you tell them everything and you feel comfortable with them. With our eating disorders we feel comfortable with them so we want to stay as close to them as possible because we feel safe.

When in reality, they’re the ones that are taking everything away from us. 

[00:11:53] Ryann: Right, which is so confusing because it’s like, how is something that brings me so much comfort also bringing me so much pain? 

[00:12:00] Kat: Yeah, exactly. It, because at the end of the day, it’s killing you. Slowly but surely, because if you do this forever, at the end of the day, your body will not be able to cope with it anymore.

So it’s one of those like the devil trying to take you in. It’s a scary thing, but it’s how our brains are wired because we’re so strong. And remember that eating disorders happen to the most intelligent too, because we’re so smart in particular with what we do. And we’re so regimen to everything that we stick to it.

We definitely stick to it. So it’s very confusing because we’re very smart, but then we’re very dumb at the same time because like, why are you killing yourself? 

[00:12:40] Ryann: So it’s like that ignorance piece of just or I shouldn’t even say ignorance, but just like that voice is stronger and it’s very convincing.

[00:12:51] Kat: Oh yeah. We’re right. Everybody is wrong. We’re right. They don’t know. They actually don’t know about food. They don’t know what they’re talking about. They have no idea. It’s just like, when you act, when I look back now, I think, wow. I really believed everything I said to myself. Everything. 

[00:13:08] Ryann: No, but actually, and we are really good at justifying.

So I’m curious, before obviously this time in the hospital any moment of being like, I think I have a problem or no?

[00:13:23] Kat: I actually, I knew I had a problem, but it was something that it was more of I’m on a diet. People don’t understand. I’m actually really committed. I’m a very motivated individual. I’m gonna stick to my diet. When I realized that there was a problem, I remember this day so well.

I was with my best friend and she was the only one who was really there with me. And, shout out to Ashwagandha. She’s amazing. She said, you know what, we’re gonna go for dinner and you choose wherever you want to go. Just take you out of, your misery and everything like that. I was like, okay, great.

That sounds really cool. I spent hours choosing where we’re going to go. I looked through every menu, and I’m already like, why is it taking me so long to just, I can’t even go to the restaurant on the place because it’s an Italian restaurant. What am I going to have? So I eventually find this place that has a salad that I liked.

It’s nothing’s cooked. It’s all fresh, organic. In my head already. I have arthrorexia, super intense. So we get there and they said, Oh, we stopped serving any cold food. Now it’s just pizzas and pasta at this time. And I’m there like, this is my worst fear. Like I’m sitting there thinking there’s no way in hell.

I’m going to have a pizza or like a pasta or anything like that. So I start falling into tears and stuff like that. And that’s when I realized that this isn’t normal. Like I can’t, it’s embarrassing. Because I need to be able to live my life. And that’s when I realized I’m never going to be able to live my life.

Now, everyone around me is having pizza, having a great time, having a drink. I can’t do that. I literally had to order us just an appetizer side of like peppers and light water. And yeah, it was tough. 

[00:15:07] Ryann: When you say, because everybody listening relates to that fear piece of I am petrified of this experience right now.

I’m so afraid of eating that, whether it’s, I’m so afraid of the calories. I’m so afraid of binging. If we take it a layer deeper, what were you really afraid of? 

[00:15:26] Kat: I was afraid of losing control. It was not having control of what I was eating. Because before I would always make my own food, no oil. I know exactly where the meat or fish or anything comes from that.

No control thing for me was like, Oh my God, that someone else is taking control. Someone in cooking there. I have no idea. I’ve never met them. I don’t know what they’re doing. It was that lack of control that just, it spiraled me. And I realized that the control is my issue. I need to have control. 

[00:16:02] Ryann: Do you feel like that stemmed at all from the divorce, or?

[00:16:07] Kat: I think it stemmed from a lot from there, from, because the divorce at a young age, when you’re like 15, 16, because you’re still, you’re going through puberty, you’re figuring yourself out, you’re meeting boys, you’re partying or whatever, and I had no control in my life with my parents anymore, so it was like, I’m gonna take control in my own hands and find distractions elsewhere.

For the negative and obviously it was, now I realize that I can actually take control and figure out what makes me happy. And at that time it was partying, drugs and alcohol to take away the real issue, the same thing with the food. It, it all stems from, everything does in the end of the day stem from childhood and it comes out when you’re older and you realize it.

That’s what I realized for me. I just had no control of my family and it just sprung into my life. 

[00:16:57] Ryann: It’s always deeper, right? It’s never about the food. 

[00:16:59] Kat: Oh no, it’s never about the food. It’s never, ever. People say what’s your problem with food? I’m like, you don’t understand that the issue is always from the childhood.

There’s been abuse or there has been, isolation or something else and you take it out in food because at the end of the day, food is the only thing like food and water keep us alive. And if we don’t have them, we can’t survive. Subconsciously in our mind, we’re taking control of our things that provide us life.

And it’s very interesting because we’re not taking control of like how much, we’re reading or how much we’re on our phone because at the day, that doesn’t really matter. It’s the food and everything because that is our life. 

[00:17:42] Ryann: Yeah. So obviously to change, you had to let go of that. So you’re in the hospital, you have this major wake up moment, then what happens?

[00:17:56] Kat: I think what happened for me was that I realized that I’m going to die. And when you’re actually there in that situation where you’re, it was really weird because I remember going there and being the youngest patient in the ward. Everyone had heart issues there. So they’re much older, they’re like 60 7080, because that’s the number one organ that does start to deteriorate at an older age and I’m there at 18 years old.

My heart is leaking. My heart is going at 30 to eight to 40 beats per minute. And the doctor comes in and is listen, you have starved yourself to death, like you were going to die if you don’t stop. And for me, I, it was just a moment of, wow, I’m actually going to die. And I did this myself, and I decided that I’m going to find other passions in life and go back to what really, truly made me happy.

Which was sport, and then I decided to eat and everything, but I always believe that therapy comes from within. You can always ask, and you can have a lot of therapists and psychiatrists, and they’re really great. People need them, but in my situation, I needed to find out what was wrong, what I needed to do.

And once you figure that out for yourself, you really, your life changes. It’s an amazing feeling. 

[00:19:25] Ryann: You definitely have to have the willingness because it’s not easy. 

[00:19:30] Kat: No, no way. The amount of times I went in and then went back, I was like, I’m not doing this. There’s no way I’m going to recover.

I was probably like 10 to 15 times. I was like, I’m going full in. Two days later, I’m like, screw this. I’m going back home to my little secluded little world where I’m looked after in hospital. I like it there. I feel safe. Do 

[00:19:50] Ryann: you feel like if your life wasn’t literally on the line, you would have been as motivated?

[00:19:56] Kat: No, because you’re, I was just, I liked the way I was living. I really liked it. I loved it. I love the sense of not eating. I felt euphoric, because you’re living off adrenaline and you, I liked it. So if Honestly, if I had not got help from my babushka, who’s my Russian grandmother, if she had not told me to go to the doctor, I probably would have maybe not, I would maybe not have woken up from my sleep because my heart at that time, when I started monitoring myself was going at 30 beats per minute.

So I’m one day, I might just have not woken up and I wouldn’t have realized it myself because you live in this life where you think it’s actually nice. 

[00:20:38] Ryann: Yeah. Which makes it even more confusing where it’s I love this and I hate this. It’s, 

[00:20:44] Kat: It’s so weird because it’s like, as we said, it’s killing you, but it’s also giving you life.

It’s something that each individual needs to understand what their root cause is. 100%. 

[00:20:55] Ryann: Which is not easy or comfortable to do on your own. And oftentimes, because it is so uncomfortable, it takes that kind of I like I have no other choice kind of situation like when somebody comes to me and they ask like how do I know when I’m ready?

It’s really like you’re ready when like you’re more afraid to say the same aka you’re more afraid to die. Like you’re more afraid to lose your life than you are of recovery. 

[00:21:22] Kat: I think what really helped me was also writing stuff down like prior to my eating disorder. What made me happy?

Who was around me? What did I love to do? I was writing everything down and I was like, I’d love to eat. I love to go to McDonald’s with my dad and get these cheap meals together and just sit in the car. And those are the moments I remember the happiest I’ve been with food, with doing sport.

That for me is my happiness is food and sport and family. That’s what I realized, but at the time it was like, I’m trying to push everything away, family away, bringing the food in to control myself, and it’s, yeah, it’s one of those things where you just want to control. 

[00:22:02] Ryann: Obviously, though, I have to assume that your body changed throughout this process.

So how did you deal with that? It 

[00:22:10] Kat: was hard, because When you start to eat again, and I’m going to say this, and everyone needs to know, you gain weight quickly, you do, and you maybe might wake up the next day and think, oh my god, I don’t fit into my jeans anymore. What happened? That’s the scariest part.

Because now you’re like, that old me is going. And I remember I, for me, I had to throw out all my clothes, because I could not fit into anything anymore. And my body was. looking very different. I don’t know. And cause I only know kilograms, but I gained like 15 kilograms in a month. Like it was super quick.

And At the end of the day, what really helped me was just putting it into perspective. This body is the body that is now trying to live. Because now I started to eat, it’s holding on to it. It’s holding on to everything that it can get, because it doesn’t know if I’m going to starve it again. So that’s why you gain weight, and it’s totally more than fine.

Recovery, people don’t understand, is you gain weight, that’s the first thing that happens. You have to accept that. And it’s one of the most beautiful things. Because that means, especially as a woman, that you’re getting your life back, you’re getting your boobs back, you’re getting your period back, you’re becoming a woman again, you’re not a kid anymore, so it’s a beautiful thing, but it’s also a hard thing to accept, but once you go past that, it’s like that first few months where you’re like, oh god, I really don’t like how I look, I had to cover all the mirrors, I couldn’t do it, but then when you realize that, wait, I can actually walk now without, without needing to stop for a break.

look at the outer, like outer, like stuff that are actually helping you be alive. It’s just hard to let go of that. Definitely. 

[00:23:52] Ryann: Of course. So as you went through this, things started to change on the outside. How did your brain change? What was different? 

[00:24:04] Kat: Oh my god, a lot of stuff was different. A lot of stuff was different, was it accepting that I actually felt good.

That was a weird thing. I was like, why do I wake up with energy? It’s what is going on? I can actually now, walk with my friend and not think. Oh, I need to sit down. In a weird way, I liked being the sick friend. I liked being the sick person that needed help. I liked being, Oh, you got to be careful with her.

She needs, extra help. She’s not as fit as anyone else. She’s going, I like that. Because at the end of the day, back in my childhood, no one really looked like after me. It was more of just me looking after myself, which was, I’ve found it really great. I’m very independent now, thanks to it.

But I just needed to say, people say, are you okay? And now when I was 18, 19 years old, where I’m literally, I had to walk around with a heart monitor every day, everyone could see she’s sick. I like that. But when you start to realize that you’re coming out of this and you can wake up and feel fine, your brain says automatically, no, this isn’t good.

Why are you not hungry? Because I’m now eating three times a day in the recovery. And like, why am I not with the starvation I love? You have to rewire your brain yourself. You, the only person that can do it is yourself. No one else. You have to do it and say, okay, remember, go back to that time when you were starving yourself.

What was your brain telling you then? That it’s a great thing that you’re starving. And it’s a great thing that you’re feeling like this. Remember what it was trying to do. It’s trying to take you back there now when you’re getting better. Remember, you gotta tell it to shut up. You gotta tell it to shut up because you have to take life into your own hands.

No one else will but you. It all comes down to the brain. 

[00:25:38] Ryann: No, I so appreciate you saying that because that is the hardest thing for me as a therapist, a professional. I can’t do it for you, which means I can give you all of the information. I can’t tell that voice in your head to shut up. I can’t help you manage your anxiety during the food.

I can give you skills and I can give you tools. But like at the end of the day, like that is where you have to take action. That’s really hard. 

[00:26:06] Kat: That’s for sure. That’s why I always say, therapy always comes from within. You need to want to help yourself and then you can go see your therapist, go see your psychiatrist so you can work together.

At the end of the day is what I realized now in my clients, if someone comes in and they don’t, they’re they’re like, I don’t want to eat. I can’t help you. I can help you as much as I can, but if you’re refusing everything, it’s tough because you have to do it yourself. You need to work as a team.

Yeah. And then when you finally give in to working with a therapist or a dietician, it’s beautiful because when you think, Oh my God, I have someone with me now, this is awesome. Yeah, but it comes from within as you said, no one else can do it but yourself. 

[00:26:45] Ryann: And that’s why it’s so tough too because I was 100 percent the person that I’ve been to therapy twice and I was like, it doesn’t work, it’s not for me.

Yeah, and I never acknowledged, I never listened to the therapist. I lied. I literally paid money to lie to the therapist. And then I would never do what she told me to do. And it’s wait a minute, was it really that therapy didn’t work or that I didn’t own my shit? 

[00:27:09] Kat: Exactly. You’re the one it’s like, Oh, the therapist sucks.

So I say they don’t understand what I’m going through. And then my dad would be like, are you telling them everything? Because what do you mean? They don’t know what’s wrong because you got a hell of issues. I was just like, no, I’m totally fine. No one understands me. Come on. 

[00:27:27] Ryann: So I have to know because this is definitely something that comes up a lot with my clients is that identity shift of like you were mentioning before like I liked being whether it was The sick person or the person that needed help or the person with so much discipline willpower self control Maybe the healthy person to other people Then you shifted that 

[00:27:48] Kat: Yeah, and it’s, cause then you don’t, I liked my identity at the time.

I’m the healthy girl, skinny, eats super clean, works out every day. I like that identity, but at the end of the time, at the end of the day, you have to think, did it serve me? Right now, I’m known as a healthy, fit, sporty girl. Because I am healthy and fit and eat well and do everything to look after myself now.

It’s being able to understand that everyone else’s perception of you, it’s actually, they’d have no idea who you are. They have no, they’re just, it’s like social media. You look at someone’s Instagram page or Tik TOK, whatever you think. They have an amazing life. You think you have no idea. It’s being able to take that step back and think, okay, other people’s opinions of you do not matter.

They don’t freaking matter. What matters is that you’re healthy, you have a family that loves you, you look after yourself, and that you’re alive. And letting go of that identity was really hard because I liked being the sick girl sometimes. I like now I like the healthy girl, but then I was in hospital, I’m like, oh, now I like that everyone’s worried about me and asking me, okay, sending me flowers.

I like that, but why do you like that? That’s the question you have to ask yourself. Why? You have to dig deep. And digging deep hurts. Because you find out shit that you did not think was like, Whoa! That happened? I don’t remember that happening. But when you trace back to different events and stuff, You realize that you needed help at a young age.

Or you needed to get out of that relationship. So it’s digging deep and asking yourself, Why do I like this? Why do I care what other people think of me? Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. Am I going to see the fricking person walking down the street again tomorrow? Never.

I’m going to do what I want then, so it’s just being able to be confident within yourself, but for the better. Knowing that, okay, I’ve now gained 20 kilos. I don’t look like how I look now, but if someone thinks I looked healthy and skinny then that’s their problem. Because now I’m feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life.

I look much bigger, yes, but it’s awesome because I’m stronger and healthier and fitter in a life. That’s what matters. 

[00:29:56] Ryann: Yeah. It’s so important to do that work. What is this really about? That’s something that I do with all of my clients. What is this really about? What are you making this mean?

We have to go deeper. That’s so uncomfortable. And it’s necessary because if we keep focusing just on service level things, right? Like just like you experienced and then you took it a level deeper, nothing’s gonna change. 

[00:30:22] Kat: Nothing, nothing. And you’re never gonna get out. You’re never, ever gonna get out.

And you have to accept that. Oh, I, I’m never gonna get better. Automatically you say something to yourself. You won’t get better, great. The more you say it, it’s just say, each day I would journal, I was like, I am getting and going to get better. If I didn’t eat those three meals a day, it’s fine because I’m going to try tomorrow.

Everything you say, it, your brain and how everything works, it happens. For even a small example, I tell myself, Oh, I’m going to, I feel like I’m getting a cold. I don’t want to get cold. And I think about that fricking, if I get a sickness or something, I’ll get it the next day. Whatever you put your energy to, it comes out.

For sure. Were 

[00:31:05] Ryann: there any exercises, resources, things that you read, social media accounts that you remember really finding helped? I think, 

[00:31:20] Kat: when I actually was in recovery, I actually deleted social media. I deleted everything. TikTok, Instagram, everything, and I just, because at the day, you shouldn’t, I tell everyone, all my clients, even if someone who’s not in an eating disorder, just depressed, do not go on Instagram, or just have a limit and know what accounts you’re looking at, because I remember I would be scrolling through accounts, what she’s eating, what I eat in a day of videos, oh my god, that is that lethal, when you start comparing what someone else is eating to you that is so bad.

So I had to delete everything. And then, I started getting into podcasts. I would look at podcasts like food freedom podcasts, like stuff that people, I could resonate with people. I’d start listening for five minutes. Is this going to harm me? Because at the end of the day, you do compare yourself.

You think, Oh my God, they’re recovery. They’re recovering more than I am. So you have to be very wary. So sometimes I tell them not to do anything. Be with yourself. Get that journal. Write down. Journal every day how you’re feeling. If you have the luxury of being with your family or friends, just spend time with them.

Talk to them. Have, be with your animals. I have two cats. I was just sitting on my cats every day and just watching Netflix, just being able to just detach from the social media facade. Because when I went back on it six months later, I was like, I do not use it now for, I use it for a different way now.

use it for a very different way than how I did before. You don’t even realize that. 

[00:32:56] Ryann: You don’t even realize like how much it affects you and how much these messages get in your brain and sometimes they’re so normalized and you’re like, you don’t even hear them anymore. 

[00:33:08] Kat: You don’t because you just, you see everyone on social media portrays this new health and wellness trend, walk your 10k steps a day, chlorophyll water, like all this stuff.

It’s bullshit. It’s such BS. I remember I was like, I’m not walking 10k steps. I’m going to get fat. It’s just I, every time I look, I’m like, I wish people would understand. Of course they’re being healthy. I appreciate all these influencers. You’re trying to make a difference. Maybe they were not in a healthy place.

They’re not walking 10k steps a day. They’ve lost that weight. They were dealing maybe with diabetes or something like, something like that. But don’t compare yourself to thinking that you need to walk that much so you need to intimate fast till 12. This is all bullshit. At the end of the day, your body needs three meals a day.

You need to listen to your body. If you’re over, if you’re walking 10k steps, you better be eating three meals with two snacks a day. People don’t get it. You’re walking 10k steps and having two meals a day. I’m like, what are you doing? I’m like, you don’t understand. So it’s, you need to be self aware. You need to be self aware when you’re on social media.

That’s number one thing. We’re short. 

[00:34:12] Ryann: Yeah. So Kat, anybody who is in this place of maybe they never, they haven’t necessarily gotten that like huge wake up call where this is a life or death decision, but they’re definitely in a place where this is affecting their life. What do you feel like they need to hear?

[00:34:31] Kat: Do you want to live like this forever? That’s the question. Do you want to let food control you? Do you want to let addiction control you? Do you want your family to worry about you? Ask yourself these questions and I’m write stuff down, put stuff into perspective. You’re only on this planet once.

Take advantage of it. You have no idea what tomorrow brings because at the end of the day, if you want to go and eat that pizza with your family or friends. the happiness that you will get out of it and the feeling of I accomplished something super good. It’s an amazing feeling. It really is. And it, life is not worth starving yourself or binge eating or anything because you’re taking away time in your life where it’s actually the most precious.

So is it really worth it? 

[00:35:24] Ryann: One piece that we didn’t talk about that I want to make sure that we chat about briefly before we wrap things up is the exercise piece. Because obviously you’re still like very into sport, but I have to imagine it’s very different. So what did it look like for you to shift your relationship with exercise?

[00:35:44] Kat: Realizing that exercise, you need food, you need fuel. I was getting injured left and center. I was, having my ankle broke from running. Because I had no, nothing sustaining it. My, I tore my knee ligaments and I’m, I’m a ski racer. I grew up ski racing. We eat a lot. We eat a lot of food but it’s great.

Realizing the difference also got to look into it a little bit. You got to educate yourself. How much exercise you’re doing, but also how much you’re eating carbs. You need to eat carbs. Carbs was a huge fear of mine. And I know it’s a huge fear for people. Carbohydrates is there’s this crazy stats like stigma that you shouldn’t eat them and make you gain weight.

Carbs are the only food that gives you energy. You cannot tell you exercise training without them before or after you need to eat and in recovery, I didn’t train. The only thing I did was maybe walk up the stairs and that was for six months. I didn’t move my body at all in time. I did not put any stress on myself.

So if you are in recovery, make sure that you are actually doing nothing. Because at the end of the day, your body needs all the rest it can get. And now that you’re eating in recovery, if you burn it off, you’re not in recovery. You need to make sure your body and all your organs are getting the food.

Getting it and then get into exercise now exercise is the thing for me now. I don’t exercise to work to burn calories or look a certain way Exercises to get strong and to be fit and be happy and healthy not about how I look 

[00:37:20] Ryann: probably to have fun and be with friends and family and things together 

[00:37:27] Kat: It’s really an amazing feeling being healthy now It’s such I’m so lucky that I got a second chance at life because I’ve never I love helping people now and showing them that life is I worked on Suicide Watch in London for, a long time and the amount of children at 10, 11 years old who are already on social media, who are so brainwashed, it’s so scary.

So if we can, for our children to make sure that, you’re, you are shown that nature and sport and everything, that is what matters in life. The natural highs for me. I get high ski racing. Maybe for you. It’s going on a nice run and then going to get a nice burger with your friends because that’s what life’s about enjoyment.

So loving your body. So 

[00:38:15] Ryann: had an honor in the food freedom lab. What does food freedom mean to you? 

[00:38:19] Kat: Food freedom means being able to go out for a meal and not worrying. For me, that is the ultimate food freedom. Being able to just even go for breakfast with someone and not need to look at the menu before and panic.

That is food freedom for me. 

[00:38:36] Ryann: Oh yeah. I love it. Kat, for anyone who wants to connect with you, see more of your story, chat with you more, where can they find you? 

[00:38:46] Kat: They can find me on TikTok at Kat Burgos, two Ts, and my Instagram Kat Burgos wellness. 

[00:38:54] Ryann: And I will have those links below. Thank you so much again for taking the time, for being so vulnerable.

I appreciate This so much and you’re just incredibly inspiring and I think just that hope of it doesn’t matter How far you’ve gotten on the other side like that’s something that I hear all the time of just But i’ve been doing this for 10 years 20 years. I have all of these health problems and I always say That’s not the determining factor for whether or not someone changes and recovers.

It is the willingness to put in the work to change. And you do it like you are living proof of that. 

[00:39:32] Kat: Thank you. Literally a reminder for anyone that you can start tomorrow and do it. You can even start today. There is no time limit. Don’t push it off. Because you can do it right now. Right after this podcast.

Right after this podcast, go for it. Delete it and go get recovering. Literally, it is, we make it much harder than it seems because it actually is right at our fingertips. So you can do it. It’s not easy, but it is so worth it. So worth it. So 

[00:40:01] Ryann: worth it.