Episode Transcript

So if you’ve been on my Instagram, you may know that I’m pregnant. I know that I’ve been kind of MIA a little bit on Instagram, a little bit on the podcast, definitely on TikTok. And I just kind of want to update you and also answer all of your questions in regards to pregnancy and kind of just let you in on what I’m thinking, where this is going, what is happening, and just finally able to open up with you guys about my thoughts, because I feel like I’ve been holding onto this secret for so long.

So I am officially 20 weeks pregnant, so I am well into my second trimester, bound out in February, and from then, have just been soaking in all things pregnancy. I will say first trimester did me dirty, which is why I’ve been kind of MIA. I don’t know if anybody else relates to this, but I was so naive when it came to pregnancy. Like there were so many things that I did not know and I never had any friends that were pregnant and I had relatives that were pregnant, but I wasn’t super close to them. So I really went into this blind. And when I say that I was so naive to pregnancy, just to give you an example. I thought that morning sickness meant that you wake up feeling kind of nauseous in the morning and then you eat breakfast or you, you know, drink something and then you’re fine.

I was so wrong. So wrong. Anyways, let’s go through some of your questions and then we’ll just kind of dive in and update you guys on everything that’s been going on with me so I can fill you in. I’m going to pull up my Instagram right now so that I can go over to your questions and we’ll just dive right in because there are a lot of good ones here.

Question:

Were we trying and how long did it take you?

Answer:

So I feel super, super grateful to say that it didn’t take us that long. It took us about four months from when I got my IUD out. And when I got my IUD out, it wasn’t necessarily like, okay, I’m getting my IUD out and now we’re gonna start actively trying. It was more so, I had seen so many posts and TikTok videos and all of this information, and I don’t know if it was the algorithm or it’s just really becoming a much bigger thing, but I just kept hearing about people really, really struggling with getting pregnant and infertility and miscarriages that it freaked me out and I knew that I really wanted to start a family soon and I was like I don’t know how long this is gonna take. This could happen right away, or what I keep saying is it could be a year, it could be two years, it could be three years, it could never happen. I don’t know, but I don’t know that I want to wait to figure that out down the road, and then I’m like oh my gosh it’s taking so long kind of thing.

So I decided to get my IUD out and just kind of, you know, Risk it for the biscuit. My husband and I had the conversation of if this happens, are we ready for it? We both agreed yes, but we’re not going to be super serious about tracking just this moment. I also had been on an IUD for 10 years and never I had the hormonal IUD so I never had a period during that time. So for 10 years, I really didn’t have a period until the IUD was wearing out at the time that the IUD was wearing out. So like when I would hit four years on the IUD, then I would start getting my period, and then I would get a new one and all of that. I mean that’s just how my body worked with it. So I was like, I don’t know what’s gonna happen when I come off of the IUD, so why don’t I let my body regulate, see what it does. And thankfully I got my period right away and it was super regular. That was in, I want to say, October and then we got pregnant in February.

During that time it wasn’t that I wasn’t thinking about it. I mean I wasn’t taking ovulation tests, but I was starting to track ,my period ,and I was starting to track my temperature. I was using the app called Natural Cycles just to learn a little bit more about my body and then every month when I was learning about ovulation and my period was coming, I got super eager and took a pregnancy test, and every time I took a pregnancy test and it was negative and made me realize how much I wanted to be pregnant and then it started feeling like a bummer every time I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.

And so when we found out in February, I had missed my period, but I had taken a ton of pregnancy tests and they were all negative. And if any of you saw the video that I posted on Instagram, the reason why I was so shocked is because this was like three, four days past missing my period. And I had had so many negatives that I just couldn’t believe it. And I was also kind of irritated too, because I was like, I just want to get my period so I can get back and we can get back tracking and all the things. And then that is when I got the positive test. I actually got the positive test on Valentine’s Day. How cute is that?

Question:

Have you changed how you are eating since being pregnant?

Answer:

I had this idea that when I got pregnant, I was really going to try my best to just think about different nutrients and making sure that I’m getting all of my nutrients in a way where I was like, you know, I’m gonna be growing this body and I just have this expectation that I’m really gonna wanna focus on nourishing, adding in nourishment to what I’m already having.

Well, all of that went out the window when I realized what morning sickness actually is. Morning sickness is not that you just wake up a little bit nauseous in the morning, you eat something, and you’re fine. Morning sickness for me was all-day nausea and nausea that nothing really takes away. I’m so grateful to say that I never threw up, like I didn’t have it that bad, but it was just this constant feeling of, you know when you’re hungover and you think about either the things that you had the night before, the drinks that you had the night before, and even just a thought of that food or those drinks makes you really, really sick or wanna be sick? That’s what I felt like all of the time.

And I think the worst part for me about it was that I didn’t know when it was going to end. And that really affected my mental health because I would Google, when does morning sickness stop? How do I stop morning sickness? And then I would get responses like, it usually stops after first trimester. And then I saw these videos of people still struggling with it at 20 weeks, at 25 weeks. And I was like, oh my gosh, if I feel this way for another three months, four months, five months, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. Like, how do people do this? Like, everybody seems fine. Nobody talks about this. Like, am I the one person that just like, feels like they legitimately cannot get through this morning sickness?

It was brutal. It knocked me down. And my days during this time was, I would stay in bed as long as I could, just with my eyes closed, so that I could just, you know, try to go back to sleep and not feel this way anymore. And then I would go to group or go to my clients and then right when I finished the client, I would go right to the couch and then I would go to a client and then right to the couch or right in bed. And it was like, I was just getting through the day, like literally surviving.

Now, with that being said, with my eating, not to digress, but I was just eating a lot of crackers, a lot of toast, like a lot of simple things like when you’re sick, but at the same time, then I had these like extreme cravings for really, really salty things. And then random things, like I was thinking about food a lot and not in like the obsessive way that I used to when I was struggling with binge eating, but I was just like randomly have a thought like, oh my gosh, gravy and mashed potatoes sound so good right now. Or, oh my gosh, like a bean and cheese burrito from Taco Bell sounds so good right now. Or, I couldn’t stop thinking about Costco pizza. Not pizza, but Costco pizza. And it was just like, oh my gosh, that just sounds so good. And then I would have this moment of thinking about another food that wouldn’t sound good. And then I would just feel sicker. And it was just this constant battle of, I’m so hungry, but I feel like no matter what I eat, I can’t win and I just don’t know when this is going to end and that’s really messing with my mind.

So did I intentionally change my eating while pregnant? No, I’ve been kind of just doing what I can for my body, meeting my body where it’s at, and doing my best to nourish and not stress because stress, not good for baby.

Question:

Did you have any cravings?

Answer:

Yes, my cravings were for things super salty, super vinegary, and very greasy. That is what I wanted. But like random things, not like I’m just gonna add some extra salt to my avocado toast. It’s like I want to drink Italian dressing or like I want to dip buffalo pretzels in Italian dressing. Or I want to dip pickles in mustard kind of salt and vinegar, like to that level extreme.

My husband was like, what is happening? He was like, I didn’t really believe that pregnancy cravings were a thing. And I was like, honestly, I didn’t really either. Like, I didn’t think that that was going to happen to this level. But oh my gosh, yes. Salty, salty, salty was my thing, and honestly right now still salt.

Question:

How are the hormonal changes?

Answer:

Interesting. I feel like I can switch from being in a great mood to something so small setting me off really quickly or feeling super emotional about different things at random times. I don’t feel like the hormone changes have affected me that much where it’s really changed. I feel it a little bit and maybe my husband can say, yeah, you’re a little up and down more than you were, but not anything drastic.

But I will say that I really, really struggled mentally first trimester. I struggled with the loneliness of not being able to tell anybody what was going on and going through all of these changes and feeling like I couldn’t talk to anybody that got it. I mean, my husband, bless his heart, he tried to understand, but for me to try to explain to someone why I’m not functioning the way that I was before and them not ever experiencing this before, it just felt like, you know, why, like, is it really that bad kind of thing? And he never said that, but like, in my head, that’s what I made all of the things mean, and that’s what I kept thinking that he was thinking as I was so tired all the time and I would go to client call on the couch and the minute that I finished work It was like I was on the couch and I was going to bed at like 7 p.m And then sleeping until 7 a.m. And I just wasn’t myself I was very very blah.

I feel like that was really tough and then, in the beginning, the body changes were really hard because I didn’t look pregnant but I was gaining weight and pregnancy diet culture is like a whole other level of diet culture and I remember at our first OB appointment I asked my OB about foods that I should have or anything that I should add in or foods that are dangerous or foods that I should avoid and with that being said she mentioned you know even though you’re pregnant you’re not eating for two weight gain is normal but just be careful you don’t want to gain too much weight and in the first trimester you really only gain a few pounds, and you don’t need any extra energy really until like the end of second trimester and that really messed with me even knowing everything that I know in this being my profession because I was already a lot hungrier than I was before and I already was gaining weight.

So I had this thought of like, what am I doing wrong? And if I’m already gaining weight and eating more when I’m quote unquote not supposed to, then what is gonna happen in the second trimester? Like when, you know, I quote unquote should be gaining weight and then this like constant, oh my God, am I doing something wrong? And nobody knows that I’m pregnant.

So are people gonna think that I’m gaining all this weight because something is wrong with me and bringing up a lot of just the feelings that I experienced when I first went through recovery the first time. Now thankfully because of all the work that I’ve done, I was able to recognize those thoughts and continue to shift them and continue to challenge them and ask myself you know so what if people think that or so what if it’s this way like ‘who cares you know your truth you know what you’re doing, you know, you know, you know what’s going on.’ But I mean, it’s hard not to have those thoughts or those fears.

And then when you’re given pregnancy books or you’re looking up information about pregnancies and it’s telling you that this is where your body weight should be and this is how much you should be eating. I look at that and, I’m like, oh my gosh, like if I was eating that amount, not pregnant, I would be hungry all the time. And it just, yeah, it really messed with me. Anyways, I don’t even remember what that question was. Oh, that was the hormonal question. Okay. I hope I answered that.

Question:

Are you finding out the gender?

Answer:

We actually already know. I’m curious about what you guys are guessing.

Question:

How are you feeling? Did you have morning sickness?

Answer:

Already answered the morning sickness. Yes, I have morning sickness. Now I’m feeling so much better. I would say, for me, the morning sickness chilled out around 15 weeks. 14-15 weeks. That being said, the food aversions did not stop until I want to say like last week so right around 19 weeks, and for me the food aversions were so bad like meat, really strong flavors, really strong sauces, certain seasonings, certain spices, just I mean and then random things like cucumbers, like the thought of cucumbers like you know was make me sick or oh my gosh one morning my husband cooked mushrooms because he was making an omelet with them and I literally had to leave the house because I was like this smell is just annihilating me right now.

That was really hard, that was really hard because I think the toughest part is you don’t know when it’s gonna stop and unlike when you’re actually sick, you can’t do anything. There’s no like pill. There’s no, you know, go to the doctor, it’s kind of just like this might go away at the end of your first trimester, you might deal with this throughout your whole pregnancy, I don’t know, it’s kind of just the cards that you were dealt. I was like oh my god, how do people do this? But now I’m feeling much better.

Question:

What was both of our initial reactions?

Answer:

I was in disbelief. I took that first pregnancy test that just was the strip, and I didn’t believe that, and I had a whole box of those, and I kid you not, I took like 12 of them because I was just like, I don’t believe it, I don’t believe it, I don’t believe it, but also I really just want the validation of words that say pregnant, and I didn’t have the ability to go get a test to go get that.

So, I was just sitting with this secret for a really long time, a really long time, you know like a day and so I was in disbelief and then when I finally got the pregnancy test that said pregnant on it, it was already a chaotic day because I had been sitting on this secret and my car was frozen because I was living in Idaho at the time, it was a super cold day so I couldn’t drive it to go to the grocery store. So I had to wait all day for Grayson to come home and then use his car to go to the grocery store. But when he came home, and I was like, I’m gonna go use your car really quick to mail something. He was like, I’ll come with you. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. And so that already like made me super anxious.

And then I bought the test, and I came home. And when I came home, I was like, okay, he’s gonna go, and he’s gonna go to the gym, and I’m going to get everything set up super cute, and I’m gonna tell him in a really cute way if this is legit. And he was just like hanging out, and I was like, I don’t know how to get him out of here so I can do this. So that was making me kind of irritated. And then, so I had the pregnancy test in a jacket pocket and I put the jacket in my office, closed the door and I was kind of just hanging out waiting for him to go. He was getting ready to go to the gym, and he was like, where are my AirPods? And I was like, I don’t know, they’re probably in your car. And he was like, I don’t think that they’re in my car. And I was like, okay, well, I don’t know where they are. You know, just, just leave essentially.

And so he starts looking around the house for them. And then he goes into my office, like they’re in my office. Like, why would your AirPods be in my office? And he picks up my jacket. He goes into the pocket, like I put them in my pocket what and he pulls out the pregnancy test and then just puts it away like so nonchalantly, and after the fact, I had asked him because at that point I was so irritated I was like that just gave it away like I had this really cute plan and like this blew it and this is the only like so dramatic I guess there’s an example of my hormones right there this is the only time that I get to have this like one moment to tell you and it’s ruined.

I wasn’t saying that but I was thinking that all in my head and after the fact he was like you take pregnancy tests all the time so I didn’t think anything of it but he was like oh I see them on the table or something and then he gets his air pods and then he’s still hanging out. I am going ballistic because I’ve been waiting and I’ve been sitting on this for now over 24 hours. I go and I’m just like, f this. So I grab the pregnancy test when he’s not looking, I go into the bathroom and I start doing it and I’m holding the pregnancy test because I can’t like set it down and leave. I was way too anxious and also I knew he was right outside the door doing god knows what and I’m holding the pregnancy test waiting, waiting, waiting, longest three minutes of my entire life watching that bar load and then right as the words flashed up, pregnant, he walks in.

He walks into the bathroom and he’s like, what are you doing? And I was just like, I’m pregnant. Because I mean, it was in my hand. And he was so excited. Well, first he was like, you’re lying. And I was like, no, showed him the test. And then he was really excited, gave me a huge hug. And then I had a onesie and that’s how I was going to tell him. And so after the fact, because that didn’t happen, I went and I got that onesie and we were both super emotional. And then we went on a walk with Jack afterwards and kind of just talking about it and thinking about what’s gonna happen and what’s gonna come up and just like, oh my gosh, this is really happening. And when are we gonna tell our parents and all of that, all of those questions. But yeah, all good things, all good reactions. But I would say for both of us, it was disbelief and then super excited.

Question:

Favorite thing about being pregnant so far?

Answer:

I feel really bad about saying this, but I’m gonna say it because I know that I really need to hear this from somebody else and I can’t be the only one. I don’t love being pregnant, so I don’t know that I’ve had a favorite thing because to be honest, this is the first week that I finally felt okay and I felt fine. And, you know, it’s been, maybe my favorite thing was telling my parents, but other than that, like the actual part of being pregnant for me has been really tough, just mentally and physically.

And that has been something that has just caused me so much guilt because I feel, we’re so grateful and we’re so over the moon and you know it’s we’re so lucky that we didn’t have any complications and we were able to get pregnant so early and so when I have this thought of I don’t love being pregnant I feel so bad and I feel like a horrible person for thinking that thought because I’m like there are so many other people that want to be pregnant so bad and they’re struggling to get pregnant and I’m over here and I was able to get pregnant and I don’t love every part of it. And, I just hear so many people saying you know pregnancy was the most amazing thing and I was glowing and it was the best time and I loved every part of it.

And, sometimes keep having this thought of like, what is wrong with me. Why don’t I love this to the level that I am supposed to love it and I remember in the beginning having this thought of everybody says that you glow when you’re pregnant and I just I don’t understand that like I think that everybody who says they love being. This was maybe another example of being super hormonal, but everybody who says that they love being pregnant is lying because this is miserable.

I do not like this at all. My face and my chest and my back is breaking out so bad, and it’s not even like aesthetically, you know, a problem. It is like painful breakouts. My stomach is messed up. Like I, you know, the constipation, the indigestion, like I’m constantly- my stomach is constantly so uncomfortable, so bloated. None of my clothes fit. I feel like I’m holding on to this huge secret that I can’t tell anybody. There’s this constant anxiety anytime I feel anything in my stomach or every time I go to the bathroom. I’m so afraid that I’m gonna turn around and there’s gonna be blood and yeah.

Things may be shifting right now, and it might just be a first trimester thing but to this point I have to say just To be you know authentic because I’m not gonna lie to you guys. I haven’t loved it I haven’t I haven’t loved it and for everybody that does love it I love that for you and for everybody who doesn’t love it. You’re not alone. I feel you, andI am so grateful. So grateful, and I haven’t loved it.

Question:

I’m due in October too. Yay! All my hunger cues are so messed up How do you deal?

Answer:

I definitely have struggled with this. Hunger cues and fullness cues in the beginning first trimester felt like no matter what I did, I just felt this constant, like, nauseous hunger. You know how when you get really, really, really hungry and you get nauseous? That’s how I felt all the time. And so I just felt like no matter what I ate, I just was still hungry.

And I think part of that was because I couldn’t just give myself a real, filling, nourishing, satisfying meal. It was a lot of like toast and crackers and snacky things and parts of meals here and there because my morning sickness and my food aversions were so bad, but that was really tough. And then I would say around the 14/15 week mark, my hunger cues were all messed up where like, I would go from not feeling hunger at all to feeling super extreme hunger really, really quickly.

And for me, who has been really connected to my body for a long time, like, okay, what is going on? Like, I don’t understand how this is happening so fast, but really trying to just honor it regardless. And then as I’ve kind of stepped into the 20-week halfway mark where I definitely feel like I have popped and there is a lot more pressure on my stomach, I feel like I will feel hunger very intensely, but then I’ll get full really fast. But I won’t stay full and that is frustrating because it’s like I have a lot of things going on and I love eating you know throughout the day but it is frustrating when it’s like okay I just felt so full and then at the same time like two hours later, I’m super hungry.

And, then also something that I haven’t really heard anybody else talk about is that I had a lot of weeks where I couldn’t even make it through the entire night without waking up and getting a snack. Like, I would wake up hungry in the middle of the night and need to eat, and then I would feel bad for that because I was like, oh, remember my OB said that I don’t need any extra calories in the first trimester, and that book she gave me said that too, and oh my gosh, I’m clearly eating more in all of the chaos and all of the panic, and just bringing it back to the most important thing is having a healthy body. If you’re hungry right now, we’re gonna eat. We’re not even having this conversation.

So if you’re struggling with your hunger, the best advice that I can give you is that the more that you can just take away the emotional attachment to doing it right and wrong and just honoring it no matter what. It just is gonna help so much more in continuing to reinforce to yourself that right now, your biggest priority is nourishing your body so that you can have a healthy baby.

This is not the season to be trying to restrict. This is not the season to be trying to control, this is not the season to be worrying about your weight. I mean hopefully it’s never the season but you know what I mean. This is the season where all the focus is on what my body says it needs is what it needs.

Question:

How to deal with fear of gaining weight during pregnancy?

Answer:

I definitely experienced this fear a lot more than I thought that I would. And I think the biggest thing was because of my job, I had this fear of what are people gonna think of me as someone who is very connected to their food and their body, having this major fluctuation in my weight before anybody knows that I am pregnant, and when are the comments going to come in like, you look like you’ve gained weight. And, I think a lot of that comes from just seeing other creators repost comments about people commenting on their body and being like it’s just a matter of time before I start getting those comments and what is it gonna feel like when I start getting those comments and what are people gonna think.

But I think the thing that was so helpful was doing the previous work of healing my relationship with my body because I’ve had those moments of what are people gonna think or what’s gonna happen to my body. Or when we were moving from Idaho to Arizona, after we realized we were pregnant, and we decided we wanted to be closer to family, I remember packing up some of my jeans that I obviously wasn’t gonna wear in the Arizona summer and some of the other clothes from winter that I wasn’t gonna wear in the Arizona summer and packing them away and thinking I may never fit into these again. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to my body and I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be this size again. Like I may never fit into these again. And I think because of the previous work that I’ve done, as I had those thoughts I was quickly able to bring it back to so what? So what? You don’t fit into these again? You can get a different pair. You can get a bigger size. Like so what? Like your husband doesn’t love you because of your body. This baby doesn’t love you because of your body. If your body changes to have this healthy baby then that is what your body needed to do and at the end of the day if you need to get a bigger size of pants, you need to get a bigger size of pants. Like that’s it.

And you know, when I would worry about what other people think, I would continue to do that same thing of like, so what? So what if they think that you’ve gained weight? Like, so what if they’re having these thoughts? So what if they’re like, you know, look at this professional who, you know, helps people heal their relationship with food, who’s gone through this major weight fluctuation, like what’s going on? And being like, so what? Like, that person is clearly so ignorant to bodies changing and the fact that even if I wasn’t pregnant, I have every right to go through a huge weight fluctuation and not because something’s wrong, but just because I have a human body and things change, and things grow, and things differ, and I don’t need to stay in this certain size to be valid and accepted and approved. Continuing to recite that to myself anytime that I notice this fear of weight gain.

I also think too, anytime that I would have these thoughts, I would definitely share them. I would share them with my husband or I would share them with some of my friends and just kind of talk through like, I don’t love that I’m having these thoughts but I’m really having a tough time shaking it today. Or I don’t love that I’m, you know, really worrying about my body and I’m having a tough time shaking it today or I don’t love that you know I’m so focused on you know what this book said about where my weight should and shouldn’t be and how much I should and shouldn’t be gaining or how much you know videos that I keep saying on like XYZ only gain this amount of weight and I’m already like way far past them and just helping them bring me back to a logical state of mind was really really helpful.

So, to circle back, if you fear gaining weight as you are going through pregnancy, the biggest things that have helped me is just continuing to challenge the thoughts that come up, reminding myself that if this is the body that my baby needs to be healthy and to grow, then this is the body that the baby needs. And if that means X amount of weight, that means X amount of weight and if I need extra support, if I need to let go of it, if I need to talk through this with somebody, I will. Do not skimp on support. I think that for me, I just like the thought of like I don’t love pregnancy. I, too, struggled with letting people know that I was struggling with my body because I was afraid that it would come off as I’m complaining about being pregnant or I’m complaining about my baby. And that’s not what I want or maybe that I’m not grateful and I am so grateful, and then I would have this fear of like if I say those words out loud is my baby feeling that I’m not grateful or that I’m blaming my baby and I don’t want to do that. But at the same time, it was like even just having that conversation with myself in my head isn’t helping anything or anybody so definitely talk through it.

Question:

How do you make sure disordered eating doesn’t affect your baby?

Answer:

I would say if you’re currently struggling with disordered eating and you’re thinking about being pregnant, working on healing your relationship with food ASAP and working with a professional ASAP is gonna be so important because of what happens when you have morning sickness or things don’t go the way that are planned, or I didn’t work out for my entire first trimester. I didn’t eat a single vegetable my entire first trimester and, thankfully, I had a healthy relationship with food at that time so it didn’t have to mean so much but, if I didn’t that would have really thrown me in a spiral.

So, if you’re thinking about getting pregnant and currently struggling with disordered eating now, the faster that you can reach out to a professional and work on healing, the better it’s going to be overall.

Now if you’re already pregnant and struggling with disordered eating, please get on board with a professional ASAP because the most important thing is making sure, just like you said, having a healthy baby and making sure that it doesn’t affect the baby. And so if you can get in touch with a therapist and a dietitian to have them on board to give you that support, that is gonna be really, really helpful.

Question:

Next question, kind of along the same lines, I struggled with my body changing with pregnancy, are you?

Answer:

So I think it’s really important to share that I was struggling with my body majorly in the beginning and then and I hate that this had to happen. But at the same time, I’m glad it did because it’s what like it was the extreme that I needed to shift things. So around the 14 week mark we were in Florida and we were in Florida having our gender reveal and quick trigger warning I am about to be talking about blood so if blood bothers you or blood makes you squeamish please click through the next two minutes.

One night my husband and we went out to dinner, and I was feeling like a lot of pressure in my stomach. I was very full, and I get home, and it was, you know, I don’t know, maybe like 8:30. I get home, I go to the bathroom, and there was blood. And, I had like I there was no blood for months like I didn’t even have spotting, like some people talk about in first trimester. And it wasn’t just like a little spotting. It was like blood. And I freaked out, and the OB that I was with didn’t have night hours because it was this little, small OB in Jackson Hole, and so I couldn’t call anybody.

I talked to his mom, who was a nurse, who thankfully called me down and said, you know, sometimes this happens, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that anything is wrong. But I remember laying in bed and thinking none of it matters my body changing doesn’t matter stretch marks don’t matter loose skin doesn’t matter like nothing matters other than me having a healthy baby and like this baby being okay and in that moment I was like I’m not gonna worry about any of this anymore we’re not doing this anymore. We’re not even entertaining this anymore. And, you know, if this is where my body needs to be, then this is where my body needs to be.

And, you know, again, I hate that I needed something so drastic like that to kind of shift. I mean, thankfully everything was okay. And, you know, the bleeding stopped and they said, you know, it was just a part of, I don’t even know what they said. I feel like I’m like blacked out the whole time. But in that moment, I was like I’m no no whatever happens to my body for this baby to be healthy is what happens to my body, and so from there, I feel like I’ve had a much easier time looking in the mirror and seeing my body change and seeing the clothes get tighter and seeing the size go up and being like this is what it is if this is what baby needs this is what baby needs.

Question:

What has been the coolest experience so far?

Answer:

Let me tell you, the first ultrasound and the first time you hear the heartbeat, it is just the wildest feeling. The wildest feeling to be like, oh my gosh, like there is a baby in there. There is a living, breathing baby in there and especially at that point because you’re definitely not showing at all. It just made everything feel so real, and that was just really really cool. And then also we just did our anatomy scan and seeing the 3D image for the first time and like seeing baby’s little hands and toes and like all of the different features, that is so cool.

Question:

Next question that I really wanted to answer is, I binge so much during pregnancy, the exhaustion and cravings, have you found it?

Answer:

I want to talk about binge eating and pregnancy because this is definitely not talked about a lot, and I know that I’ve been asked this before. And, I had some ideas of why binge eating happened during pregnancy just based on my education and based on my own personal experience and what I could have assumed, but I never fully fully understood until obviously being pregnant and understanding the pressure that there is when you read pregnancy books, and they’re telling you that you aren’t supposed to eat more calories, or you’re only supposed to gain X amount of weight.

Obviously, it makes you want to control and restrict your food, which we know what happens when you control and restrict your food, binge eating. And then also all of the emotional elements, if you don’t know how to regulate your emotions without food, then, of course, binges are going to come in hot and spicy.

And then lastly, body image. If you’re really really struggling with your body image, then the binging is going to come as you either try to control your food to combat your changing body, or as you have this moment of like, f it, I’m already gaining weight, who cares? And I think that all of those elements combined will definitely lead to exacerbated binges or the binges coming back if you haven’t struggled with binging in a long time. So if you’re struggling with binging, I want to remind you that binging is a symptom. It’s not the problem. And in pregnancy, if you’re trying to control your food or if you don’t know how to regulate your emotions or if you’re really letting your body image guide this right now, then it’s gonna be really really hard not to fall back into those old behaviors. So if you’re struggling with that I highly highly recommend reaching out and if you ever need to reach out to me to talk about it, please please do because you’re not alone.

Question:

Next question, how do you allow pregnancy cravings without going overboard or feeling guilt?

Answer:

This is where I really feel like healing my relationship with food beforehand helped because with the cravings that I’m experiencing with things like a Taco Bell bean and cheese burrito or Costco pizza, the thing is is that I wasn’t restricting before I got pregnant. I had a healthy relationship with food before I got pregnant. All foods fit before I got pregnant. So even now when I have those foods, there’s no scarcity. And I think also being able to navigate body image in a healthy way where I can acknowledge, okay, maybe I don’t love this, but I’m not going to punish this. We’re not going to talk to ourselves like that. Like we’re not going to go there. It’s kept me from spiraling when it comes to food. If I was restricting and never allowed myself to have things and then didn’t know how to handle body image, then it’s a lot easier to go quote unquote overboard because that scarcity mindset and that emotion dysregulation is just checking in.

So if you’re struggling with allowing pregnancy cravings and you feel like whenever you’re having them you are going quote-unquote overboard, I really don’t love that word because there’s so much judgment around it, but the biggest thing that I can recommend is reminding yourself that these foods aren’t going away, you’re okay. Like if I want Costco pizza for lunch and dinner every single day for a week, like I can have Costco pizza every single day for an entire week. Or, if all I want is bean and cheese burritos, like I can have bean and cheese burritos and you know when I’m eating it and I have this urgency to continue to eat, to continue to eat, pausing and reminding myself this isn’t going away. Like I can get it later if I want it later.

So just definitely reminding yourself of that abundance factor and then when you’re worried about your body changing or you’re worried about how much you’re eating. Bringing it back to if this is what my body needs to make a healthy baby. This is what my body needs to make a healthy baby.

As for without feeling guilt, the thing with guilt is that guilt is an emotion that you feel when you believe you’ve done something wrong. So when you’re enjoying cravings and then you feel guilt It’s because you believe that what you just did with food or what you just ate was wrong. So the biggie with that is reminding yourself, I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not doing anything wrong. If I wanted Costco pizza tonight and I didn’t have any veg with it and all I had was Costco pizza, that’s not like I didn’t do anything fundamentally wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong. So if you’re struggling with that, the biggie is going to be abundance mindset and then reinforcing to yourself, I didn’t do anything wrong.

Question:

Do you have a name picked out?

Answer:

We do. I don’t know if I’ll share that with you or it’ll be a surprise at the end still deciding.

So many ‘Congratulations.’ You guys are so sweet. Thank you so much. This was actually really cathartic to kind of just Brain dump out everything and finally fill you guys in. I am going to be making a pregnancy podcast Series. All of my content is not gonna change into pregnancy content now. Now it is gonna be sprinkled in here and there because obviously like I can’t just like Remove this entire part of me in this entire element that I’m going through right now.

But if you want to listen to more stuff on my pregnancy Everything will be listed in the podcast as pregnancy series. If you don’t then just skip that episode. I hope I answered everything. I think I got everything. If I missed anything, please let me know, and I’m excited to do deeper dives into all of these questions, into body image, into cravings, into handling food, how I’m doing all of those things. I know I just briefly went over everything, but I will be doing a lot more deeper of a dive throughout all of these. Essentially all the things that I wish that I had to listen to when I was going through it. Thank you so much for listening to me ramble. I’m so excited to share this journey with you. And, I can’t believe I’m pregnant.

Links

🔗 Work With Ryann

🔗 Ryann’s Online Courses

🔗 Follow Ryann On Instagram